Metta World Peace isn't interested in making peace with James Harden. The erratic elbower, who returned from his seven-game suspension in time to save the season in the Lakers game seven win over the Nuggets* (15 points, 4 steals), said he won't shake Harden's hand because he's a player who comes off the bench, effectively treating the sixth man like an invisible man. Artest acts like this is a long-standing policy of his, but we think his reasoning is: if your hair can't be as wild as your opponent's, at least your comments and conduct can be. Harden may be a substitute, but there's no substitute for manners, Metta. It's probably best for Harden that their mitts won't meet (this isn't playoff hockey, so it's not obligatory), since Purell doesn't protect against crazy.
*of course the Lakers might've been able to end the series earlier had he not tried out his WWE heel move and been available, although it did free him up to appear on late-night talk shows.
Monday, May 14, 2012
Friday, May 11, 2012
Number One Stunner
The 76ers are now Big Tymers* after grabbing the Bulls by the horns and flinging them out of the playoffs. For only the fifth time in the history of the Association, an eight seed vanquished the supreme seed. Sure, some of the luster is lost since the feat occurred as recently as last year, when the Grizzlies surprised the west's best Spurs in six, and because the Bulls were weakened without Derrick Rose and their ever-running engine, Jokim Noah. Noah, nursing a sprained ankle, dressed for the game, but never checked in. He probably should have, since his substitutes came up short.
Carlos Boozer, the subject of serious scrutiny due to his $80 million-dollar, had said he was on a mission to silence his critics, did nothing to dispel that he's like Beck - a loser^ - as he made one field goal of eleven attempts. Omer Asik from Turkey was a turkey with the game on the line, missing two free throws that could've put the Bulls up by three points with seven seconds remaining and then fouling Andre Iguodala on a drive with two seconds to go.
Iguodala, also an $80-mill. man, who has been damned with faint praise for most of his career - either as "the other AI" or billed as a "third-banana" at best - calmly sunk the pair of foul shots, as the 76ers advanced to the second round for the first time since 2003, the year before Iguodala, the longest-tenured Sixer, was drafted by the team.
There was no guarantee that Iguodala, who wound up with 20 points on 7-for-12 shooting - accompanied by 7 assists - would hit the foul shots. Like Boozer, he had been called-out for folding when the stakes were high. Secondly, he was shooting a career-low percentage from the free throw line (61.7%). The secret to his success, the source of his serenity in those series-settling seconds: teammate Tony Battie told Iguodala to picture something he loved, so Iguoudala said he envisioned his son.
Both Boozer and Iguodala are perceived as being overpaid, but on Thursday one was overwhelmed by the obstacles placed in his path, while the other overcame them. Overpaid? Perhaps. However, in that moment, Iguodala, his teammates and fans, were overjoyed. It was a feeling long overdue, one you can't put a price on.
Yes, this a reference to a defunct rap duo and a tune from a dozen years ago.
^Another dated music mention, this one even older
Carlos Boozer, the subject of serious scrutiny due to his $80 million-dollar, had said he was on a mission to silence his critics, did nothing to dispel that he's like Beck - a loser^ - as he made one field goal of eleven attempts. Omer Asik from Turkey was a turkey with the game on the line, missing two free throws that could've put the Bulls up by three points with seven seconds remaining and then fouling Andre Iguodala on a drive with two seconds to go.
Iguodala, also an $80-mill. man, who has been damned with faint praise for most of his career - either as "the other AI" or billed as a "third-banana" at best - calmly sunk the pair of foul shots, as the 76ers advanced to the second round for the first time since 2003, the year before Iguodala, the longest-tenured Sixer, was drafted by the team.
There was no guarantee that Iguodala, who wound up with 20 points on 7-for-12 shooting - accompanied by 7 assists - would hit the foul shots. Like Boozer, he had been called-out for folding when the stakes were high. Secondly, he was shooting a career-low percentage from the free throw line (61.7%). The secret to his success, the source of his serenity in those series-settling seconds: teammate Tony Battie told Iguodala to picture something he loved, so Iguoudala said he envisioned his son.
Both Boozer and Iguodala are perceived as being overpaid, but on Thursday one was overwhelmed by the obstacles placed in his path, while the other overcame them. Overpaid? Perhaps. However, in that moment, Iguodala, his teammates and fans, were overjoyed. It was a feeling long overdue, one you can't put a price on.
Yes, this a reference to a defunct rap duo and a tune from a dozen years ago.
^Another dated music mention, this one even older
Thursday, May 10, 2012
Face Value
The mask Kobe Bryant wore after his nose was broken during the All-Star Game was auctioned off on Tuesday. The winning bid, out of 129 total, was $67,100. Kobe donned the protective gear for 11 games, so that works out to $6,100 per contest the buyer paid to own a sweat-stained shroud that, as far as we know, doesn't possess any transformative properties to grant the owner cartoonish powers, as in a certain Jim Carrey flick from our youth - although Kobe was "smokin'" during that stretch, averaging 31.1 ppg and surpassing 29,000 career points with the schnoz shield on (proving that the only thing that could guard him in that span was his own mask). The money went towards Bryant's own eponymous charity, giving a whole new meaning to the phrase 'gross profit.'
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
Chuck That Chuck (Taylor)
We present the playoff video daily double:
A: Dwyane Wade.
Q: Who throws a shoe?
It took us awhile to find this clip, but not as long as it took Mike Bibby to find his footwear. Between this and Wade's toss of Rip Hamilton out of bounds like he was a discus three weeks ago, maybe Wade is prepping for more than basketball at this summer's Olympics. Watch yourself, Austin Powers, Dwyane Wade can hurl a hightop.
A: Dwyane Wade.
Q: Who throws a shoe?
It took us awhile to find this clip, but not as long as it took Mike Bibby to find his footwear. Between this and Wade's toss of Rip Hamilton out of bounds like he was a discus three weeks ago, maybe Wade is prepping for more than basketball at this summer's Olympics. Watch yourself, Austin Powers, Dwyane Wade can hurl a hightop.
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
That's Adoraball
Jason Kidd is no longer involved in postseason play, but we've found another kid adept at delivering an accurate - and amusing - assist. Chris Paul's two-year-old son, when prompted, helped his pop in Saturday's postgame press conference, by posing with the piercing look Blake Griffin gives when he's silently signaling for the ball.
We're relieved Griffin saves that scary stare for snagging passes and spares us when peddling Kias because it would freak us out while we were folding linens (let's just say those sheets would be soiled).
We're relieved Griffin saves that scary stare for snagging passes and spares us when peddling Kias because it would freak us out while we were folding linens (let's just say those sheets would be soiled).
Monday, May 7, 2012
Amare Lends a Hand
What's the sound of one hand clapping? It's a query that has confounded Chinese philosophers for centuries*. On Sunday, we believe we learned the answer: Amare Stoudemire congratulating himself. Stoudemire, with his hurt hand wrapped up, made sure the Heat didn't wrap up the series, by posting 20 and 10, but here's where we really have to (ahem) hand it to him: Stoudemire shot a superb 8 of 13 from the field. Another fellow named Carmelo chipped in with 41 points in 41 minutes, with only one turnover, to stave off elimination (and snap the franchise's ultra unlucky 13-game home playoff losing streak), secured only after the Dwayne Wade missed a step-back shot to win it at the end. Anthony and Stoudemire accounted for 61 of the Knicks 89 points, as no other player reached double-digits. As has been the case with the Knicks all season, any cause for celebration quickly changed into cause for concern, as Baron Davis dislocated his kneecap. The series doesn't resume until Wednesday, at which time Jeremy Lin may return to the lineup. The Knicks will need - excuse the expression, Amare - all hands on deck if they are to win another game. The upper hand still belongs to the Heat. Here are the other applause worthy performances from the weekend:
1. April showers might bring May flowers, but May Thunder brought Mavs' blunders. Their main mistake was allowing James Harden, who recently was added to the Olympic roster, to have the ball in his hands. Russell Westbrook can be cornered into taking bad shots, on occassion Kevin Durant can be comparably confined, but not Harden. He has the patience of a purity ring-wearer and picks his spots to score. Execution triumphed over experience as the defending champs were summarily swept like dust off a doorstep. Lamar Odom wasn't with the Mavericks long, but he suitably symbolized the squad's shortcomings: disinterested, distracted, dilatory. Maybe he does deserve a portion of the playoff payout.
2. We're in awe of Spencer Hawes. The Sixers center followed-up a 21-point, 9-rebound performance in game three with a team-high 22 points - on 9 of 11 shooting - and 8 boards in a pair of wins, as 76ers have collected three consecutive victories against the banged-up Bulls. Yes, Derrick Rose was lost to injury in the first game and Joakim Noah went down in the third contest, but it still is an eighth seed against a number one, the team in the playoffs with the least wins (35) versus the one with the most(50) now holding a two-game advantage. Chicago native Evan Turner (19, 7 and 6 assists in game 2, plus 16 and 9 in game three), a high school rival of Rose's, was scolded with the "be careful for what you wish for" warning for saying before the series that he'd rather face the Bulls than the Heat, but he might have the last laugh. If so, the Sixers snicker will sound specific: "Ha-Hawes."
*Then again, Confucius couldn't comprehend the match-up zone.
1. April showers might bring May flowers, but May Thunder brought Mavs' blunders. Their main mistake was allowing James Harden, who recently was added to the Olympic roster, to have the ball in his hands. Russell Westbrook can be cornered into taking bad shots, on occassion Kevin Durant can be comparably confined, but not Harden. He has the patience of a purity ring-wearer and picks his spots to score. Execution triumphed over experience as the defending champs were summarily swept like dust off a doorstep. Lamar Odom wasn't with the Mavericks long, but he suitably symbolized the squad's shortcomings: disinterested, distracted, dilatory. Maybe he does deserve a portion of the playoff payout.
2. We're in awe of Spencer Hawes. The Sixers center followed-up a 21-point, 9-rebound performance in game three with a team-high 22 points - on 9 of 11 shooting - and 8 boards in a pair of wins, as 76ers have collected three consecutive victories against the banged-up Bulls. Yes, Derrick Rose was lost to injury in the first game and Joakim Noah went down in the third contest, but it still is an eighth seed against a number one, the team in the playoffs with the least wins (35) versus the one with the most(50) now holding a two-game advantage. Chicago native Evan Turner (19, 7 and 6 assists in game 2, plus 16 and 9 in game three), a high school rival of Rose's, was scolded with the "be careful for what you wish for" warning for saying before the series that he'd rather face the Bulls than the Heat, but he might have the last laugh. If so, the Sixers snicker will sound specific: "Ha-Hawes."
*Then again, Confucius couldn't comprehend the match-up zone.
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
Rond'oh!
All of the amazing action of the playoffs since Saturday - Durant's clanging but clutch game-winner, Andrew Bynum's bevy of blocks and triumphant triple-double, the captivating Clippers comeback (or the Grizzlies grand gagging) the Mavs misfiring when it mattered most on Monday - will be overshadowed by the brainless behavior of Rajon Rondo and Amare Stoudemire, leaders who were so livid they had lamentably large lapses in judgement.
Rondo lost it while going for a loose ball with under a minute remaining the game. The call didn't go the Celtics way, so while complaining he clapped his hands close to the official, received a technical, then conspicuously caused contact with the ref, leading to his ejection and a subsequent suspension for one game. He likely cost his team tonight's contest, with Ray Allen not expected to return yet, probably putting the Celtics in a 2-0 hole that will be a challenge to climb out of.
As for Stoudemire, he too couldn't control his temper. His injury is equally self-inflicted and ironic. He couldn't extinguish the fire burning inside him, so he punched a fire extinguisher case outside of the locker room after the loss, lacerating his left hand, which required stitches. His team is already down two-zip - maybe he thought that deficit constituted the "emergency" that the text on the plate of glass warned about* - it looks like he'll miss a minimum of one game, which means brooms are at the ready in Miami and it's not because the Heat are preparing to play a game of Quidditch. Unlike Rondo, Stoudemire claimed culpability for his careless conduct, tweeting, "I want to apologize to the fans and my team, [I'm] not proud of my actions." We feel your pane, Amare.
*attempting to put out the Heat literally
Rondo lost it while going for a loose ball with under a minute remaining the game. The call didn't go the Celtics way, so while complaining he clapped his hands close to the official, received a technical, then conspicuously caused contact with the ref, leading to his ejection and a subsequent suspension for one game. He likely cost his team tonight's contest, with Ray Allen not expected to return yet, probably putting the Celtics in a 2-0 hole that will be a challenge to climb out of.
As for Stoudemire, he too couldn't control his temper. His injury is equally self-inflicted and ironic. He couldn't extinguish the fire burning inside him, so he punched a fire extinguisher case outside of the locker room after the loss, lacerating his left hand, which required stitches. His team is already down two-zip - maybe he thought that deficit constituted the "emergency" that the text on the plate of glass warned about* - it looks like he'll miss a minimum of one game, which means brooms are at the ready in Miami and it's not because the Heat are preparing to play a game of Quidditch. Unlike Rondo, Stoudemire claimed culpability for his careless conduct, tweeting, "I want to apologize to the fans and my team, [I'm] not proud of my actions." We feel your pane, Amare.
*attempting to put out the Heat literally
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