The Sport's Authority

Evidently, Sterling and Silver don't go together - at least not anymore in the NBA. Commissioner Adam Silver harshly handed down an almost unthinkable and absolutely unprecedented punishment to Clippers owner Donald Sterling, who owned up to his repugnant remarks: a lifetime ban from the league, along with a superfluous $2.5 million fine, stopping short of sentencing Sterling to eternal damnation - although we get the sense if Silver had the (higher) power to so, he would have. A suspension would've been seen by some as a slap on the wrist. For Silver, stinging Sterling wouldn't suffice; he sought to scar him.

Beyond being permanent prohibited from any association with The Association, Silver will attempt to force the sale of the franchise, allowable if agreed upon by three-fourths of owners. Silver didn't just throw the book at Sterling, he threw a set of encyclopedias. However, a law library's worth of texts could be consulted before this conflict concludes.

We wonder, if words warranted this severe a sanction - and it's important to point out there wasn't any wrongdoing, only wrongsaying - what step would Silver have taken had Sterling been guilty of an actual discriminatory action as an owner: ordered his execution via a Silver bullet* and then served his head on a Silver platter to placate the pitchfork-possessing public, pissed-off players and pea-brained pundits? Instead, Silver lost his head over the hullabaloo, so Sterling lost his team.

This isn't a defense of Sterling, but we'll side with a dick before we do a dictator. We find it ironic that, for once, a reputed racist was lynched by a mob of minorities. We don't, however, find it justified.

At least Sterling learned a two valuable lessons: 1. Intolerance isn't tolerated under the sovereignty of Silver 2. Never trust a mistress; she may be wearing underwire - and also a wire.

*Silver would surely have shot Marge Schott

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Hi-Yo Silver

In the future, the value of Silver will rise. Well, at least that of deputy commissioner Adam Silver, who was hand-picked as current commissioner David Stern's successor. Stern announced his intent to retire yesterday, effective February 1, 2014, which would mark the 30th anniversary of his tenure. Silver, Stern's kemosabe for 6 years and an NBA employee for 20 years, was approved unanimously by the league's owners. Stern has been grooming Silver like a labrador for when he heads out the door.

Silver is mostly known to fans as the man who earns artificial applause when he announces the second round of the NBA draft, simply for not being Stern*. Stern first stabilized, then strengthened the league, before spreading it across the seven seas. He polished up the league's image as much by punishing players, through drug testing, as by promoting them, which is what he did with the superstars who started their careers simultaneous to the him: Jordan, Barkley, Olajuwon.

Stern's legacy is largely laudable. He grew the game domestically and internationally - attracting alien TV audiences and athletes, creating Canadian clubs, adding seven franchises, founding a farm system in addition to a women's league, which is bad for business, but great for gender equality and goodwill. However, he did preside over four lockouts, let teams leave supportive cities Seattle and Charlotte (basketball has been brought back to the latter, barely), decreed a dress code with class and racial undertones and adjudicated which L.A. team was allowed to acquire Chris Paul last summer.

If the NBA truly is "where amazing happens," we're the first to admit a lot of that amazing happened under David Stern's three-decade reign. The stars made the sport fun, but Stern made it function. What can we say? We love this game! (and we're easily seduced by slogans)

*a contrarian crowd in New Jersey, who would've thought?