Getting Things Off Our Chess*

This stalemate is growing stale, mate. Stop trying to be Bobby Fischer, Derek Fisher. The only gambit we like is in X-Men, so can someone please inform us if the endgame is near? With only two months until the regular season is scheduled to start, management and labor met yesterday for just the second time since the lockout began, for another woefully short session (six hours).Someone should tell them 30 Minutes or Less is a movie, not a mediating motto. Although maybe strapping a bomb to Jesse Eisenberg and making him march into NBA headquarters would speed up a settlement. The sides can't afford to wait another month to meet or merely go through the motions negotiating, since training camp is slated to open one month from today.

Both parties need to make concessions. Players are overpaid. There's no escaping that when the evidence is right in front of our eyes. Rashard Lewis had the second-highest salary last season at $20.5 million. The likes of the often-injury and ineffective Andrei Kirilenko, Vince Carter, Kenyon Martin, Michael Redd and Peja Stojakovic all made well north of $15 mill. Remember, that's guaranteed money. Now this is largely the owners' fault, since the player don't overpay themselves.

But if the league is really in flux financially, why were there buyers willing to snatch up the Sixers and Hawks, two teams with dismal attendance, when the new owners can't even be certain when their franchises next games will be? In fact, Sixers sold for more than double the price they were purchased for 15 years ago (they went for $130 mill. in 1996 and $280 this July). Seems like a valuable asset to us, despite the commissioner's claims to the contrary.

Maybe there's no sense of urgency because players have all manner of options overseas now and owners will still be rich, regardless (just not as rich). Popularity was peaking, but fans can't be converted into pawns, to be emotionally manipulated. Ratings don't magically re-appear when a person or product does. Ask Conan O'Brien. If chess is corrupted, we can move on to the Chinese counterpart, Xiangqi, just as players like Wilson Chandler, can move on to China's pro hoops equivalent. And if owners prevent pro basketball from being played, we'll follow the college version. This isn't about checkmating an opponent, it's about both sides being willing to split the check. If this drags on without a resolution, don't count on fans feeling Deep Blue about it.

*While we respect the recreation, the most important Grandmaster is still Flash.