A True 76er

Don Wiberg wanted to check making buckets against pro prospects off his bucket list, so he gave his hoop dreams* the old D-League try - emphasis on "old." The UC Santa Cruz professor is a septuagenarian, one who hadn't played hoops in 20 years when he attended an open audition on Sunday for the NBDL affiliate of the Golden State Warriors, which was accessible to anyone over 18 willing to pay the $100 entry fee. During team tryouts, cramps are common; gramps, less so.

The sum of Wiberg's experience higher than the Y was one year at Cal Tech (go beavers!) before switching to water polo. We assume someone explained the function of the futuristic shot clock to the 76-year-old. Wiberg recognizes he's not Jack LaLanne of the lane. "I can't say that I can run, jump or shoot, because I can't," said the self-effacing senior to the Santa Cruz Sentinel. It's ok, that never stopped Shawn Bradley from having a career.

*in black-and-white, like the TV of his youth.

Decertifiably Crazy

The NBA now stands for Needless Blood-sucking Attorneys*. The players' union suing the league is about as smart a strategy as stealing 7'6" Shawn Bradley's bicycle^.

Fitting, since the NBA season is in jeopardy, that Chris Paul went on Family Feud. Survey says: they stunk. The wheel of fortune did not spin his way and if the lockout drags on, players considering going on that game show might not be able to afford to buy a vowel. The fear factor of a lost season is increasing every day and we'd hate to see Joe Johnson embarrassing himself for a few grand in front of Joe Rogan (then again, we hate to see Joe Rogan at all). Something else for NBA players to consider is that most can't fit comfortably in the Cash Cab.

Our idea for a game show is: Who Wants to be a Millionaire, Again? It's either that or The Mark Price is Right.

*They're like vampires - they speak in archaic terms, have heavily-gelled hair and under no circumstances should you let them into your house.

^ Mitt Romney's just happy a Mormon is in the news.

Oregon Almost Elects a Dud(ley)

Chris Dudley never ran down the court well, but that didn't stop him from running for Governor of Oregon, narrowly losing a closely-contested race. His political ambitions were like the residents of Eugene: high. To be fair, he isn't just another jock who misses being famous, although the incumbent did accuse him of that. Dudley attended Yale, which surely prepared him more for lobbying than dribbling, earning a degree in economics and political science. We think Dudley still has a bright future in politics, since his NBA career mimics that of many politicians: there's longevity (16 years) without much productivity (a paltry 3.9 ppg).

In other former great white stiffs who were vying for political office news, Shawn Bradley lost his bid for a seat in the Utah legislature. Experts thought gaining office would be a... (wait for it) tall order for the 7'6" Bradley. If this trend continues, we can expect to address Jeff Foster as "Senator" in ten years.