I (De)Voted

Today, even if he's not re-elected as President, Barack Obama has elected to play basketball. Former White House spokesman Robert Gibbs confirmed that the Commander-in-Chief has asked ex-aide and collegiate hoopster Reggie Love to organize a pick-up game in Chicago. It's a tradition that began in 2008, when the Senator who the scouting report says has an outside shot, had an outside shot at being the Democratic nominee. Running five-on-five with his friends helps Obama takes his mind off running for the Oval Office and his one-on-one battle against Mitt Romney. No word on whether "sport" aficionado Romney plans to saddle up his Olympic horse and play polo.

Decertifiably Crazy

The NBA now stands for Needless Blood-sucking Attorneys*. The players' union suing the league is about as smart a strategy as stealing 7'6" Shawn Bradley's bicycle^.

Fitting, since the NBA season is in jeopardy, that Chris Paul went on Family Feud. Survey says: they stunk. The wheel of fortune did not spin his way and if the lockout drags on, players considering going on that game show might not be able to afford to buy a vowel. The fear factor of a lost season is increasing every day and we'd hate to see Joe Johnson embarrassing himself for a few grand in front of Joe Rogan (then again, we hate to see Joe Rogan at all). Something else for NBA players to consider is that most can't fit comfortably in the Cash Cab.

Our idea for a game show is: Who Wants to be a Millionaire, Again? It's either that or The Mark Price is Right.

*They're like vampires - they speak in archaic terms, have heavily-gelled hair and under no circumstances should you let them into your house.

^ Mitt Romney's just happy a Mormon is in the news.

Yes, We Cancel

It figures. We have a man in the White House who's passionate about basketball, enough so to invite players over for pickup games, and somehow a lockout is about to occur while he's in the Oval Office. It's looking like more jobs will be lost under his watch. Curiously, the last time an NBA lockout happened, 1998-1999, was also the last time a Democrat was living in the White House (Bill Clinton loved college b-ball too, but not to the extent that he invited an expert to help him fill out his NCAA tournament bracket, which Obama does for the women's side, too, and yet there was no bigger fan of women than Clinton).

Obama needs to take action. If Congress can insert itself into baseball to investigate steroids, then surely the President can intervene to save the NBA season. Speaking with David Stern is bound to be more productive than meeting with John Boehner (and there should be less crying). Please, President Obama, give us what you ran on in 2008: hope. Better yet, give us hoops.

Historically, Republicans have known how to strike fear in the hearts of unions. Does this mean we should vote for a GOP candidate in 2012? Considering the name of his family's vacation home, we don't think Rick Perry would be an effective broker in lifting the lockout. Unless he threatened to put all the players on death row if they didn't suit up. Ron Paul would eliminate referees and allow players to regulate themselves, causing chaos. Mitt Romney would be in favor of health care for players in one meeting and then against it in the next session. The concern isn't that he's a Mormon, it's that he's a moron. Herman Cain might be able to deliver us pro hoops. At the very least, he can deliver us pizza. Because if it's not possible for us to be both fat and happy, we still want to be fat.