Fisher's Price

After appearing to have Steve Kerr on the hook, but failing to reel him in, Phil Jackson cast his bait* towards a candidate easier to lure. The Zen Master isn't much of a fisherman, but he is a Fisher man. Here's the catch with his catch: Fisher has never coached a single second at any level. That didn't deter James Dolan from doling out $5 million a year for him, an amount Fisher earned annually only four times during his 18-year career. Incredibly, that high salary is actually market price, since it matches Kerr's contract, but considering it's a mere 1 mill. less than Gregg Popovich is paid, the money makes him a goldfish.

Fisher will be swimming upstream, similar to a salmon, fighting against the current, to keep the current Knicks afloat^. Hall of Famer Larry Brown lasted a lone season in NYC, so Fisher could easily flounder.

"Fancy" that: Ah, Young love. Lakers guard Nick Young and Australian chart-climbing chanteuse Iggy Azalea are an item. Look for her second single soon: "Swaggy."

He'll "Save" it - in his trapper keeper: Those who enjoy 1990s nostalgia will Screech with delight at a present Chris Paul was given for his birthday in May: a personalized picture from Tiffani Thiessen as her character Kelly Kapowski on Saved by the Bell, in which her hair is as feathery as Paul's jump shot. We bet he was Bayside himself with joy over the gift. Cliff Paul would recommend insuring the memento, but how do you determine the value of an object that's priceless?

*thankfully, he didn't use "The Worm"

^Knicks and salmon alike should watch out for ravenous Grizzlies

Child's Pay

No one can accuse Billy Hunter of not taking care of his kids. That's because he pays his three adult offspring handsomely out of the players' union's pockets: $4.8 million in the last 11 years (and that's without all records being available). We suppose his 2011 salary of $2.39 million isn't enough to provide for his progeny. One daughter works directly for the union (collecting nearly $83K annually), while another has been at two law firms, both of which were hired by the union when she was with them. His son runs an investment firm that earned a contract with the union worth $45K per month. And his wife's on the take, too - pulling in over $173K last year to be the nebulous "director of special events" - though she smartly didn't change her name, so the employee list looks a little less like a Hunter reunion. Extended family also benefits, as a daughter-in-law is part of the payroll. How did this noxious nepotism happen? Hunter, the union's executive director, has the power to appoint personnel as well as to determine salaries, so he's chosen to cut checks to his whole clan - minus any animals they own.

Although he's not paying pets, Hunter does want a lapdog. Derek Fisher, the players association president since 2006, wasn't willing to roll over. Fisher called for a business review and suddenly, executive committee members, who clearly didn't want their dubious dealings to be investigated, voted unanimously that Fisher should resign, which he's refusing to. What they're doing to Fisher is fishy. Fishy like the ocean, which is fitting because Fisher is making waves in their stagnant, sycophantic water. Their vote of no-confidence likely means they're confident and concerned he could expose other unethical activities via an external audit, revealing that all is not fine with the union's finances.

Billy Hunter certainly puts family first - far ahead of the players he's supposed to be looking out for, and at the players' expense. He's one Hunter who's after a different type of big bucks.

Trail(blazer) of Tears

While college basketball goes through March Madness, the NBA is experiencing an emotional breakdown of its own, when it comes to dealing with all the deals before the trade deadline. There's sorrow, as an unidentified young girl throws a tantrum after being told Gerald Wallace has been sent packing from Portland.* We doubt anyone in the Wallace household had such a strong reaction to the news. Although we do admire her attachment to and passion for a player who'd been with the Blazers for only one season and applaud her awareness that no person should suffer the sentence of being shipped against their will to the netherworld known as Newark, New Jersey, we believe this lends credence to the adage that children, like female Fox News anchors, are meant to be seen, not heard.

Another aphorism states that silence is golden, but not in Golden State, where the fiance of Warriors owner Joe Lacob is fuming, following his decision to deal Monta Ellis. Lacob told reporters two days after the trade that she still hasn't spoken to him. It seems she was BFFs with Ellis' spouse. We're not sure their relationship will work; He's management and she needs anger management. You might want to inquire if Landy Fields' couch is still available, Joe.

Finally, after the tears dry and the anger fades, there's confusion. In the NCAA tournament, this was felt on Friday when two #2 seeds were ousted within 3 hours of each other - should you feel happy for the small schools and witnessing history or pissed that your bracket is broken like Kobe Bryant's nose (you wonder if wearing a mask will hide your embarrassment or accentuate it), busted like George Clooney at an African embassy (just because it's March doesn't mean you have to march). Houston, do we have a problem? Derek Fisher appears to have gone fishin', failing to report to the Rockets, but the team hasn't said they want him there, either, so maybe he was told to stay away. Kobe Bryant, who's been close to Fisher for years, was quizzed on Fisher's feelings about leaving the Lakers: "You guys got to ask Derek. He's much more politically correct than I am ... Talk to Derek about it. I'm sure he'll answer it the way he best sees fit." If Fisher's as diplomatic as Kobe asserts and also has no interest in backing up Kyle Lowry, perhaps it's not too late for him to enter the GOP field. It's the one race the 37-year-old can win without breaking a sweat. Frankly, we'd welcome having another Little Rock, Arkansas native in the White House and another President who's passionate about basketball.

*So far, no footage has surfaced of her pitching a fit over the firing of coach Nate McMillan.