How to Monta Comeback

On Sunday, Monta Ellis performed as if he was playing an old-school arcade machine because he inserted a quarter in the fourth quarter. Ellis earned the game's high score, racking up 39 points and went on a Rampage (or went Berzerk, if you want a more obscure reference), during the last level, finishing with 19 in the remaining 6:32. Facing a Time Crisis, since his team was trailing by 13 entering the final 12 minutes, Ellis dug the Bucks out of a hole like he was Mr. Do!.

Neither he nor the Bucks were clowning around, posting 45 points over the course of the fourth, to leap-frog(ger) Orlando. Perhaps the Pac-Man cherry on top for Ellis was hitting a quintet of threes in the clutch. Ellis was so exceptional, nary a Defender could contain him*. That's how you 1-up the competition^.

*The Magic could only curse their misfortune, a la Q*bert.

^Tapper, slide that man a root beer, he deserves a drink.

The Psychclone

The Knicks resemble a certain Coney Island attraction: the Cyclone*. Like a roller coaster, they're up and down, taking their fans for an unpredictable ride that sways between sensational and sickening. The squad streaks more than frisky freshmen. While the appeal of the legendary amusement ride is that it's wooden, the Knicks, who've won four in a row, are alluring again because of Woodson, as in new coach Mike Woodson, who we thought underachieved with Atlanta, but the Hawks are just as unambitious in his absence, so Woodson has been cleared of that charge. They've romped in the quartet of games, obliterating opponents by an average margin of 16 points. Accomplish it in MSG against the Blazers and Raptors doesn't mean much, but back-to-back in a home-and-home versus the fifth-place Pacers might mean the team is back on track. The current fourth-seeded 76ers present a true test on the road tonight.

When it comes to facing the fallout over the Monta Ellis trade, Joe Lacob doesn't just have to handle his better and bitter half (see: our previous post). During a halftime speech in which the team retired Chris Mullin's jersey, the fans flooded with boisterous boos to the extent that Mullin picked up the microphone to calm the crowd, preaching patience. However, the cranky chorus continued, so it seems supporters weren't interested in mulling over Mullin's message. Maybe they were just elongating the last name of new addition Andrew Bogut.

While larger market franchises still steal the spotlight from them like last year, the Memphis Grizzlies continue to swipe the most important thing: the basketball. As a team, the Grizz lead the league larceny, averaging 10 thefts per game. And while it's almost criminal they don't get more press, they are bound to now that they've signed an actual criminal, Gilbert Arenas. To ensure he doesn't turn backcourt mate Mike Conley into a con-man, Memphis needs to institute a zero-tolerance policy when it comes to "Agent Zero."

*Not Nathan's famous hot dogs, you fatso.

Trail(blazer) of Tears

While college basketball goes through March Madness, the NBA is experiencing an emotional breakdown of its own, when it comes to dealing with all the deals before the trade deadline. There's sorrow, as an unidentified young girl throws a tantrum after being told Gerald Wallace has been sent packing from Portland.* We doubt anyone in the Wallace household had such a strong reaction to the news. Although we do admire her attachment to and passion for a player who'd been with the Blazers for only one season and applaud her awareness that no person should suffer the sentence of being shipped against their will to the netherworld known as Newark, New Jersey, we believe this lends credence to the adage that children, like female Fox News anchors, are meant to be seen, not heard.

Another aphorism states that silence is golden, but not in Golden State, where the fiance of Warriors owner Joe Lacob is fuming, following his decision to deal Monta Ellis. Lacob told reporters two days after the trade that she still hasn't spoken to him. It seems she was BFFs with Ellis' spouse. We're not sure their relationship will work; He's management and she needs anger management. You might want to inquire if Landy Fields' couch is still available, Joe.

Finally, after the tears dry and the anger fades, there's confusion. In the NCAA tournament, this was felt on Friday when two #2 seeds were ousted within 3 hours of each other - should you feel happy for the small schools and witnessing history or pissed that your bracket is broken like Kobe Bryant's nose (you wonder if wearing a mask will hide your embarrassment or accentuate it), busted like George Clooney at an African embassy (just because it's March doesn't mean you have to march). Houston, do we have a problem? Derek Fisher appears to have gone fishin', failing to report to the Rockets, but the team hasn't said they want him there, either, so maybe he was told to stay away. Kobe Bryant, who's been close to Fisher for years, was quizzed on Fisher's feelings about leaving the Lakers: "You guys got to ask Derek. He's much more politically correct than I am ... Talk to Derek about it. I'm sure he'll answer it the way he best sees fit." If Fisher's as diplomatic as Kobe asserts and also has no interest in backing up Kyle Lowry, perhaps it's not too late for him to enter the GOP field. It's the one race the 37-year-old can win without breaking a sweat. Frankly, we'd welcome having another Little Rock, Arkansas native in the White House and another President who's passionate about basketball.

*So far, no footage has surfaced of her pitching a fit over the firing of coach Nate McMillan.