The Psychclone

The Knicks resemble a certain Coney Island attraction: the Cyclone*. Like a roller coaster, they're up and down, taking their fans for an unpredictable ride that sways between sensational and sickening. The squad streaks more than frisky freshmen. While the appeal of the legendary amusement ride is that it's wooden, the Knicks, who've won four in a row, are alluring again because of Woodson, as in new coach Mike Woodson, who we thought underachieved with Atlanta, but the Hawks are just as unambitious in his absence, so Woodson has been cleared of that charge. They've romped in the quartet of games, obliterating opponents by an average margin of 16 points. Accomplish it in MSG against the Blazers and Raptors doesn't mean much, but back-to-back in a home-and-home versus the fifth-place Pacers might mean the team is back on track. The current fourth-seeded 76ers present a true test on the road tonight.

When it comes to facing the fallout over the Monta Ellis trade, Joe Lacob doesn't just have to handle his better and bitter half (see: our previous post). During a halftime speech in which the team retired Chris Mullin's jersey, the fans flooded with boisterous boos to the extent that Mullin picked up the microphone to calm the crowd, preaching patience. However, the cranky chorus continued, so it seems supporters weren't interested in mulling over Mullin's message. Maybe they were just elongating the last name of new addition Andrew Bogut.

While larger market franchises still steal the spotlight from them like last year, the Memphis Grizzlies continue to swipe the most important thing: the basketball. As a team, the Grizz lead the league larceny, averaging 10 thefts per game. And while it's almost criminal they don't get more press, they are bound to now that they've signed an actual criminal, Gilbert Arenas. To ensure he doesn't turn backcourt mate Mike Conley into a con-man, Memphis needs to institute a zero-tolerance policy when it comes to "Agent Zero."

*Not Nathan's famous hot dogs, you fatso.

No Game Hunter

In a discouraging divination, players association executive director Billy Hunter doesn't foresee a 2011-12 season taking place, saying the squabbling sides are "$800 million apart per year," a Shaq-sized gap (maybe in his retirement, the conciliatory center can remake himself as "The Big Arbiter"). Hunter blames obstinate new owners, who he alleges are holding David Stern's "feet to the fire." Make no mistake, if an entire season is lost, the flames from this fire will spread far and wide, burning all bodies involved -- be they owners, players, union reps or the commissioner. We want to follow the Trailblazers, not follow the trail of a destructive blaze. Both sides have thrown kindling into this bonfire of the greedy*.

Unlike during the NFL's work stoppage, players' testiness hasn't manifested itself in truculent Tweets (unless Gilbert Arenas dissing his dates counts), but they have become belligerent while balling. Matt Barnes punched a player in a pickup game (and wasn't ejected), while Michael Beasley took temper troubles to another level by shoving a spectator. In separate youth camps they conduct, footage surfaced of LeBron James forcefully throwing down on a teen, while Dwyane Wade was spotted blocking layup attempts of kids several feet shorter than him, compelling us to pose the question: Are these guys teaching or terrorizing those tykes? We're not sure what Ron Artest is up to at the moment, but there could be money to be made by the mental health advocate in founding a counseling camp for his peers. Right now, locked-out players lashing out against those around them appears to be all the rage.

* or the electric gatorade acid test, for you Tom Wolfe fans

A Non-Harry Potter Wizard Comes to Orlando*

The writing was on the wall for Gilbert Arenas in Washington. In permanent ink. In a bold, easy-to-read font. We hear Dan Gilbert did the stenciling. Although in this case, the writing was actually the wall -- John Wall. And the wall was the metaphorical barrier the formerly accessible Arenas put up between himself and those around him after the firearms incident. He exchanged silliness for seriousness, but it came off as sulky, Malfoy-ish. His new attitude, like a homemade Christmas sweater, was unflattering and ill-fitting. Washington might have put him in the vanishing cabinet, but Arenas locked the doors. A change of scenery was inevitable; it was a matter of waiting for a team to gamble on Gilbert. In the end, Washington was so desperate to unload Arenas, they were willing to take on Rashard Lewis' max contract, a deal so horrendous you'd think Isiah Thomas brokered it. Lewis has more gold than Gringotts.

There's a fine line between quirky and loony and Arenas leaped several feet across it last season without looking. It's one thing to shout about grills after knocking down shots and another to brandish guns, even though the wapons were kept to the confines of the locker room. He's slowly inched his way back to the saner side, but he's not been very apologetic about his actions, whereas an athlete like Michael Vick has. As a result, he's been a favorite (pistol) whipping boy of the media, us included.

With his trade to Orlando, Arenas shares another similarity to Vick: he is fortunate to be granted a second chance in a stellar situation where he won't be asked to contribute immediately. The Magic are one of the best teams in the east and possess a solid (when healthy) borderline-all-star point guard in Jameer Nelson. Orlando's other trade of re-acquiring Hedo Turkoglu and landing Jason Richardson takes the pressure off of Arenas, as does not having a starting role. He doesn't need to lead, but he will need to follow. Like a trainee at a drive-thru, we're not sure how well Arenas will take orders.

For Arenas to be sent from the squad with the worst record to one that was in the finals two years ago suggests he's back in Santa's good graces, even if he's not in Stern's. This unexpected upgrade should make Arenas jollier than old Saint Nick (not sure if they checked for rosy cheeks during his physical) because he went from eating fruitcake to a plate of milk and cookies, from crummy to crumby.

*but will he be a ball hog(warts)?

Arenas Wasn't "Nick"ed Up

Unofficial NRA member and occasional player for the Washington Bullets, er, Wizards, Gilbert Arenas faked a knee injury so that fellow guard Nick Young could receive some more playing time. The ploy mostly worked, as Young scored 24 points, but Arenas has been fined $50K by the team for his deception. Hope every point you watched your teammate score from the bench was worth $2,083.33, Gilbert.

As the sole beneficiary of the dumb decision, Young should step up and foot the bill to express his gratitude, but Arenas shouldn't have had to resort to that tactic. As the senior-most veteran and expected leader of a callow team, he should have lobbied on Young's behalf, not lied. There was no (k)need for duplicity.