He's Adamant(ium) About It

For most of his career, no one has been able to cover Kobe Bryant. Lately, no one can recover like him. Bryant tore his Achilles in April, but Lakers VP Jim Buss believes he'll be back by the preseason in October, meaning the heel will have healed in a superhuman six months. Given Kobe's potent regenerative powers, it's a wonder he wasn't cast as Wolverine instead of Hugh Jackman (the latter does have the acting chops to match the requisite mutton chops). But Bryant's boss could be wrong; after all, when does a Buss ever stay on schedule?

Having been shunned by Dwight Howard and shrewdly stepped back from signing Andrew Bynum, the Mavericks settled on stopgap Samuel Dalembert, who will suit up for his fifth team in as many seasons. Decks of cards at casinos have been shuffled less. Sorry for hatin' on the Haitian, but Dalembert is softer than camembert.

Talk about a dis-Funch-tional relationship. Six years after filing for divorce, Dwyane Wade and his ex-wife, Siohvaughn Funches finalized a financial settlement. Wade, who has already been paying Funches bunches of cash, $25K per month, which covers a casa and a quartet of cars, will shell out a lump sum of $5 million. That works out to one mill. per year of marriage. Who says love don't cost a thing?*


*That's the last time we listen to Jennifer Lopez and/or Nick Cannon.

TechCrunches

Everything worked out this season for Dwyane Wade. This off-season, you'll be able to workout just like him. "Driven", which sadly is in no way tied to the 2001 Sylvester Stallone motion picture where he was a Champ car racer, is an app that features training videos in which Wade demonstrates basketball drills and exercise routines. It was released yesterday, costs $3.99 and is customizable*. We have one question: Does it require Flash?

*should you sweat all over your smart phone using it, be sure to wipe your device down with an Enduracool towel.

Heatseekers

The search for Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh can be called off. They were found - or, more accurately, they found themselves - in San Antonio last night, at approximately 8 p.m. central time, and it wasn't a moment too soon. The Heat's backs weren't against the wall, but they were inches away from it. Erik Spoelstra started a smaller lineup, but it was the "Big Three" who made a big difference, putting up Brobdingnagian numbers. Wade surpassed and Bosh equaled their highs in points this postseason, scoring 32 and 20, respectively. Bosh went after the boards, with 13, while Wade went after the ball, stealing it six times. He was a bandit among the band of brothers.

LeBron James too, regained his form, like superstar Silly Putty. James came to the game dressed in camouflage, but his contributions couldn't have been more conspicuous: 33 points and 11 rebounds. Critics who feasted on James, like a Wendy's worker at a milkshake machine, for faltering in the Finals are full of it (and we don't mean Frostys). When James, Wade and Bosh all play this purposefully, they are a tri-force.

FlashForward

Dwyane Wade's old nickname could be gone in a flash. Wade, ironically running away as fast as he can from his superhero sobriquet, wants to be known by the acronym "WOW," which stands for 'Way of Wade,' disappointing gaming geeks who hoped Wade would join their World of Warcraft guilds on virgin voyages*. Wake up, Wade's not interested in leveling up. To him, RPG means rebounds per game. The only warriors he's facing are the Golden State variety. And he's already on a noble quest: pursuing a third championship.

Like glued-on glitter, we don't think "WOW" will stick. LeBron called it "corny," which hints that Wade might be making an ass of himself with the alias. It's self-serving more than self-centered, so it doesn't stoop to the status of "Starbury". But "WOW" is JWoww tacky, considering Chinese clothing company Li-Ning, who Wade signed with in September, is behind the moniker makeover. However, its sportswear isn't even on shelves in the states yet. The "Way of Wade" campaign is a ways off from offering products, as markets outside of Miami and New York won't get goods until the fourth (business) quarter of this year. All told, hyping a new handle is a sneaky strategy for selling sneakers.

*emphasis on virgin

Heat Shake Up the League

The only thing growing at Madison Square Garden lately has been the competition's confidence. Stephen Curry, the singular All-Star snub, was as hot as a SoHo sidewalk in summer Wednesday en route to a career and year-high for The Association 54 points, including what we call a bilking baker's dozen of threes (that's 11), but no has been hotter than LeBron James and his Heat. Miami tied a franchise-best 14-game winning streak, the second-longest by a team this season - behind the Clippers 17-0 December to remember - after trailing by 14 at halftime, avenging two 20-point losses to the Knicks, who up until Sunday had the Heat's number. Yesterday, both James and Dwyane Wade - with his Lebron-like line of 20 points, 8 rebounds and 8 assists* - did a number on the Knicks.

Following a foul in the third quarter, James landed limply on his leg, but by the finish of the fourth frame, it was the Knicks who had fallen flaccidly. The Heat aren't just making Harlem shake, they're triggering teams to tremble, too. Miami has big plans to repeat - Bosh's boombox big.

*and he did it with his "bear" hands.

Heat Ring In the New Year

NBA (B)All Day's observations from opening night:

The Good: LeBron James shone like his dazzling 219-diamond championship ring, posting 26 points in 29 minutes of play. However, less predictable performance took place in previous province. Rebounding from a wrist injury that caused him to miss most of last season, Anderson Varejao racked up a career-high 23 rebounds and fell one point and one assist short of a triple-double, in a contest between teams with the second and third-worst records last season, that the league tried to bury on the schedule like it was NBC and Cavaliers-Wizards was Community. Today may be about Washington Irving, but yesterday belonged to Kyrie Irving, who scored a game-high 29 points and will continue causing onlookers to(Ichabod) Crane their necks.

The Bad: Not only did Dwight Howard foul out and the Lakers lose in his debut, his Mavericks counterparts, Elton Brand and Eddy Curry, also in new uniforms, combined to out-rebound him, 15-10, and were within 4 points of matching Howard's scoring total. The defeat at home, coupled with an 0-8 preseason, has caused some cries of "mayday," which is fitting since the Lakers last win was on a day in May.

The Ugly: It's obvious Kevin Garnett was shaken up by Ray Allen bailing on Boston, so he's going to great lengths to pull the rug out from under the carpetbagger, shaking off a handshake before the game. True, Allen was wearing white the night before Halloween, so maybe that's why Garnett treated him like he was a ghost. If this was a horror movie, it'd be titled The Grudge, although Garnett's activity is less paranormal and more passive-aggressive.

Pretty in Pink Pants

One week ago, suffering through a scoreless first half, Dwyane Wade went off on his coach in game 3 during a timeout, slumping spiraling into shouting. After that, he went off on the Pacers in the three games that followed - piling up 99 total points - punctuated by 41 in a close-out win over the Pacers Thursday. It seems the sideline spat with Spoelstra was cause for more than one kind of eruption from Wade. While Wade's pants were hot pink, his shooting was white-hot: 68 percent. Wade made 17 of 25 shots, all within the flow of the action, as evidenced by the fact that he didn't attempt a single three. Regardless of their reaction to the color of his clothes, the Heat had to be tickled pink by his performance.

Chuck That Chuck (Taylor)

We present the playoff video daily double:
A: Dwyane Wade.
Q: Who throws a shoe?

It took us awhile to find this clip, but not as long as it took Mike Bibby to find his footwear. Between this and Wade's toss of Rip Hamilton out of bounds like he was a discus three weeks ago, maybe Wade is prepping for more than basketball at this summer's Olympics. Watch yourself, Austin Powers, Dwyane Wade can hurl a hightop.

Exerting Linfluence

1. We have Lincentive to head to the nearest newsstand. Time magazine released its yearly list of the 100 "Most Influential People in the World." Jeremy Lin did double duty, not only earning the honor but also penning an entry about another athlete to achieve the accolade, Tim Tebow, adding another layer to the assessment of this age being "Tebow time." That should Lindoctrinate the unLinformed. Your move, Newsweek, show some Linitiative.

2. Dear Delonte West, you're only supposed to haze rookies on your own team. The expression for an inexperienced person is "wet behind the ears" not wet between the ears.

3. Both went heavy on the lettuce: Hornets head coach Monty Williams, offered this response, when asked if he'd spoken yet with new Hornets owner Tom Benson, "I bought a Subway sandwich today and he spent $300 million." At least one of them made a prudent purchase*.

4.Dwyane Wade's beau, Gabrielle Union, may be the hottest heckler ever. Her barbs are so brash - listen for the one she shouted at senior official Dick Bavetta - that she was asked not to sit courtside anymore. She also shared with Conan O'Brien that Wade hasn't seen many major movies from the 1980s. Well, we know what he has to do on his next Day Off.

5. Houston, we have a huge problem: Less than two weeks ago,the Rockets were in the sixth spot in the Western Conference, but since then they've plummeted to 10th place, losing seven of eight and on Sunday were officially eliminated from the playoff chase by a Miami team missing two-thirds of its "tres grande." Not even North Korean rockets fail that spectacularly.

*Assuming Williams took advantage of the April BOGO special.

Boyz n the Hoodies

When the Miami Heat had a picture of the whole team taken in hooded sweatshirts, they weren't making a fashion statement, they were making a social statement. The pose was a tribute to teenager Trayvon Martin, who was wearing that garment when he was gunned down by a neighborhood watch vigilante who thought he was a thief, while walking back to his father's gated community in Sanford, Florida, on February 26, the same night LeBron James and Dwyane Wade were participating in the All-Star Game in nearby Orlando. The Heat have followed up by writing supportive messages on their sneakers before Friday and Sunday's games. Carmelo Anthony and Amare Stoudemire have also been seen or snapped dressed in hoodies. We've never took stock in the superficial saying that, "Clothes make the man." They certainly don't make a man - or any person - guilty of a crime.

While it's not the iconic image of Tommie Smith and John Carlos on the podium at the 1968 Olympics, it's still a brave and bold move. It may seem like a minor gesture, but it's a powerful one for the simple reason that athletes seldom express their opinions on contentious issues - or on anything outside the sphere of sports - remaining neutral enough to be confused with the Swiss*. In fact, they're often advised against it by their agents, who don't want a stance to cost their clients sponsorships or increase the scrutiny of already over-analyzed stars. In the picture, the Heat have their heads bowed down, but they are a group worth looking up to. Although LeBron will receive reproach for this act from some, this is by far his best "decision" to date.

*Does this mean Thabo Sefolosha is doubly neutral? We're not sure.

Some like it Haute

Is there a better way to usher in your birthday than with Usher?* That's how Dwyane Wade celebrated his 30th yesterday, along with a performances by Common, T.I., Rick Ross and Kelly Rowland, at a high-end hotel in Miami, where the only Union talked about was his girlfriend, Gabrielle. Was there a gift so grand that it would shame Santa and make it seem like he shops at the Salvation Army? Such a stupid and strange question! We're mentioning a mingling of multi-millionaires, of course there was! Wade was given a brand new $200K+ McLaren by a local dealership. So if you, inspired by those commercials run during the holidays, bought him a Lexus, you might want to return it and save yourself the embarrassment because that luxury car looks like a Matchbox one in comparison. Did we mention the McLaren was airlifted in? That makes the carbon footprint on delivery as large as Wade's own footprint. If we sound judgmental, it's just out of jealousy. Our 30th is coming up and since our guest list is shorter than Earl Boykins, we doubt there'll be a single rapper in attendance (so much for our hopes of getting hammered with MC Hammer and sharing vanilla icing with Vanilla Ice) and no indulgent ride, save for a pony one (we swear, Mr. farmer, we're not too big).

Unlike at LeBron's birthday bash earlier in the month, there was no declining of decadent desserts (we'll bet that Tim Duncan thinks Duncan Hines is good enough). Among Wade's presents was a bottle of Dom Perignon from the year he was born: 1982. Perhaps he can pop it when he has something truly worth celebrating - say, a championship (or 8) with James, Bosh & co. For now, he'll have to settle for funfetti in place of confetti.

Don't put that bubbly on ice yet, because while Wade was handed a whip, he wasn't on the court that night while the Heat whipped the Spurs. Wade is sidelined by an ankle sprain. The good news is the Heat improved to 4-0 without Wade in the lineup. The bad new is the team is a modest 5-4 when Wade plays. It's an oversimplification to state that the Heat are better minus Wade, the lone title-winner in the trio, but there is growing evidence that James and Bosh have more clearly defined roles and also feel more comfortable in the offense (as the alpha and beta) when pared down to a pair. There is less hesitation and more domination from James (he is less passive when he makes less passes), while the extra possessions Bosh is allotted allow him to establish a rhythm. There are many layers to this issue and sorting it all out won't be a piece of cake.

*Lil' Jon just shouted, "Yeah!" But out of habit, not because he disagreed.

No Game Hunter

In a discouraging divination, players association executive director Billy Hunter doesn't foresee a 2011-12 season taking place, saying the squabbling sides are "$800 million apart per year," a Shaq-sized gap (maybe in his retirement, the conciliatory center can remake himself as "The Big Arbiter"). Hunter blames obstinate new owners, who he alleges are holding David Stern's "feet to the fire." Make no mistake, if an entire season is lost, the flames from this fire will spread far and wide, burning all bodies involved -- be they owners, players, union reps or the commissioner. We want to follow the Trailblazers, not follow the trail of a destructive blaze. Both sides have thrown kindling into this bonfire of the greedy*.

Unlike during the NFL's work stoppage, players' testiness hasn't manifested itself in truculent Tweets (unless Gilbert Arenas dissing his dates counts), but they have become belligerent while balling. Matt Barnes punched a player in a pickup game (and wasn't ejected), while Michael Beasley took temper troubles to another level by shoving a spectator. In separate youth camps they conduct, footage surfaced of LeBron James forcefully throwing down on a teen, while Dwyane Wade was spotted blocking layup attempts of kids several feet shorter than him, compelling us to pose the question: Are these guys teaching or terrorizing those tykes? We're not sure what Ron Artest is up to at the moment, but there could be money to be made by the mental health advocate in founding a counseling camp for his peers. Right now, locked-out players lashing out against those around them appears to be all the rage.

* or the electric gatorade acid test, for you Tom Wolfe fans