Exerting Linfluence

1. We have Lincentive to head to the nearest newsstand. Time magazine released its yearly list of the 100 "Most Influential People in the World." Jeremy Lin did double duty, not only earning the honor but also penning an entry about another athlete to achieve the accolade, Tim Tebow, adding another layer to the assessment of this age being "Tebow time." That should Lindoctrinate the unLinformed. Your move, Newsweek, show some Linitiative.

2. Dear Delonte West, you're only supposed to haze rookies on your own team. The expression for an inexperienced person is "wet behind the ears" not wet between the ears.

3. Both went heavy on the lettuce: Hornets head coach Monty Williams, offered this response, when asked if he'd spoken yet with new Hornets owner Tom Benson, "I bought a Subway sandwich today and he spent $300 million." At least one of them made a prudent purchase*.

4.Dwyane Wade's beau, Gabrielle Union, may be the hottest heckler ever. Her barbs are so brash - listen for the one she shouted at senior official Dick Bavetta - that she was asked not to sit courtside anymore. She also shared with Conan O'Brien that Wade hasn't seen many major movies from the 1980s. Well, we know what he has to do on his next Day Off.

5. Houston, we have a huge problem: Less than two weeks ago,the Rockets were in the sixth spot in the Western Conference, but since then they've plummeted to 10th place, losing seven of eight and on Sunday were officially eliminated from the playoff chase by a Miami team missing two-thirds of its "tres grande." Not even North Korean rockets fail that spectacularly.

*Assuming Williams took advantage of the April BOGO special.

Think Big Easy

Tom Benson, owner of the New Orleans Saints - who in light of recent events should seek sponsorship with Bounty paper towels - has taken the Crescent City's NBA franchise off the league's meddling hands, purchasing the club for $338 million, proving in a place known for its po' boy, he's not one of them. However, he wants a new name for a fresh start, which means exterminating "Hornets," since that's a leftover from the team's time in Charlotte. Since the team was relocated a decade ago and spent two of those years in Oklahoma City, we doubt anyone will be mad as a Hornet about it. Benson already has the Orkin man on the phone. "We'd like to change it tomorrow," he told the Times-Picayune. Here are our suggestions for a sobriquet that reflects the Louisiana city:

New Orleans Beads
New Orleans Bourbon Street Binge Drinkers
New Orleans 9th Ward, with new coach Charlie Ward
New Orleans Fatty Mounds of Dough Not Named Glenn Davis
New Orleans French Fourth Quarter
New Orleans Who Dats - No, Seriously, Who the Hell Are These Players?
New Orleans Cash Money Records
New Orleans Benson, with new coach Robert Guillaume
New Orleans Levees
New Orleans Hurricanes
New Orleans Evacuees
New Orleans FEMA Failures
New Orleans Accidental Oilers*

Or the team could reclaim it's original name, which was absurdly appropriated and remind people that Utah isn't the epicenter of jazz (or much of anything, certainly not an African-American musical movement; Utah, accept your reputation for catering white folks' hobbies, such as skiing and film festivals).

*too soon on those final five?