Passport and Shoot

Any schulub can select an All-NBA squad, so we compiled some quirkier quintets worthy of recognition.
Globall Team
PG - Tony Parker
SG - Manu Ginobli
SF - Luol Deng
PF - Dirk Nowitzki
C - Pau Gasol
Honorable Mention: Marcin Gortat, Luis Scola
Dishonorable "Darko Milicic" Mention: Hedo Turkoglu, Carlos Arroyo
Parker and Ginobli propelled the supposedly geriatric Spurs to the top of the West and pushed the pace to make this the highest-scoring San Antonio group Greg Popovich has ever coached (103.7 ppg). It wasn't just the PG who Rose to the occasion with Boozer and Noah sidelined, as Deng played in all 82 games for the first time since 06-07 and only the second time in his career, contributing to the Bulls achieving the best record in the league. Unlike Rose's year with Memphis, this one probably won't be invalidated.

Age Ain't Nothin' But a Number Team
PG - Steve Nash
SG - Ray Allen
SF - Grant Hill
C - Kurt Thomas
Honorable Mention: Andre Miller, Jason Kidd
Dishonorable Mention: Ben Wallace, Shaq
Allen eclipsed Reggie Miller in threes made, while Nash directed a discombobulated team and declined to demand being dealt to a contender, demonstrating classic Canadian manners. Hill proved again that he's not over the, you know, incline. Wallace, like his 'fro, is a relic. If we gave Shaq a 90's rapper name, it would be "Ice Pack."

Backstabbers and Blowhards Team
PG - Deron Williams
SG - Sasha Vujacic
SF - Carmelo Anthony
PF - LeBron James
C - Zydrunas Ilgauskas
Deron threw metaphorical stones at the venerable Jerry Sloan, which took some figurative stones to do. LeBron and Z ditched Cleveland and slung balls at opponents as if they were back in grade school gym class. Anthony congratulated himself for handling the distraction that he initiated. Now that cap he tipped won't fit on his swollen head. He has heard the sound of one hand clapping -- it was his own (his other hand was busy patting him on the back). Vujacic praised his unselfishness and concluded that not scoring points is the best way to help his team win. He can score 30 anytime he wants? Maybe Maria Sharapova's fiancee was thinking of tennis.

Jump for Joy Team
PG - Russell Westbrook
SG - J.R. Smith
SF - LeBron James
PF - Blake Griffin
C - JaVale McGee
Honorable Mention: DeAndre Jordan
Dishonorable Mention: DeJuan Blair
Blake Griffin's leaping is already near mythical. He just might be a griffin because he's built like a lion and soars like an eagle. Smith's elevation in Denver is second only to the Rockies. Post-dunk contest, McGee raised his game. Call him a soar loser.

Mighty Whiteys Team
PG - Luke Ridnour
SG - Kyle Korver
SF - Tyler Hansbrough
PF - David Lee
C - Kevin Love
Honorable Mention: Gordon Hayward, Ryan Anderson
Like the tattoo-less player, the American-born, completely Caucasian hoopster is a species nearing extinction in The Association. Consequently, the list of candidates to choose from is thinner than Brian Cardinal's hair. They may pale in comparison to peers at their position, but even the pasty deserve their day in the sun (just don't stay out too long guys, you'll burn).

Conversation About Miami Still Heating Up

LeBron-a-thon begins tonight -- aka the 2010-11 NBA season. Love him or loathe him, you can expect wall-to-wall coverage of the most controversial decider since George W. Bush. Ironically, John Wall will not receive wall-to-wall coverage -- or even as much as his backcourt mate, Guns and Ammo cover model Gilbert Arenas, who we're sure is dressing as Robin for Halloween, based on his recent comments. With all the attention on LBJ and his cabinet*, no one is talking about the defending champs, except in relation to the Vujacic-Sharapova engagement (which one spends more time on their hair in the morning is a burning question) and perhaps some discussion of whether Andrew Bynum's body is sturdier than balsa wood, but we're sure some sixth-grader will get to the bottom of this shortly at a science fair (preferably using popsicle sticks).

A little more than two decades ago, Public Enemy told us not to believe the hype. LeBron has been branded a public enemy by many. Therefore, we shall follow the sage advice of the clock-accessorizing group and not automatically assume the Heat will win 70 games or award them the championship on opening night. That doesn't mean we're not excited to watch the talented trio, but if the media makes it all about Mia-ME 24/7, there's bound to be some backlash, particularly from astute fans who know the league has much more to offer beyond LeBron.

*That's two Presidential references in one post. You won't get that from other basketball blogs. Unless Obama has started one (ghostwritten by Reggie Love), which is entirely possible. In fact, if he appointed a person to be the Secretary of Slam Dunks, we wouldn't be surprised.