Stand Back, He's Going to Hurl

Tracy McGrady is attempting a second sports career as a pitcher. That's right, T-Mac has taken up T-Ball, trying out for the Sugar Land Skeeters (who put the 'fly in "fly ball"), an independent team in Texas. Roger Clemens is instructing him*, so that means "The Rocket" is teaching the former Rocket. McGrady is working on a second pitch, so in time he could have the best splitter not named Tiago. In his quest to become a baseball player, we hope McGrady doesn't strike out - except, of course, the batters he faces.

Nobody Loves Raymond: Raymond Felton turned himself in to police last week for owning an unregistered gun, which was brought to the attention of authorities by Felton's wife, who recently filed for divorce. There was no fear of him firing the weapon, since it's common knowledge that Felton, who's making only 40.3% of his field goals this season, can't shoot. When Felton posted bond, it marked the first time this season a player other than Carmelo Anthony bailed the Knicks out.

Tanks for the memories: The 76ers, who should be sponsored by Subway, since they didn't earn "FebruANY" wins in a short month that felt so (foot)long (the march to misery continues in March, as the losing streak extends to 15 games), retired Allen Iverson's #3 jersey Saturday. On a squad searching for answers, at least they can look up in the rafters and see one.

Masking the smell of victory: LeBron James' personal and franchise best 61 points against the Bobcats Monday scent sent a message to Kevin Durant that the MVP race is far from the finish line and reminded us that records, not noses, are meant to be broken.

The Grateful Dead-Eye: Marksman Kyle Korver's all-time mark of 127 consecutive games with a made three-pointer ended last night, as he went 0-5 from beyond the arc for not-so-hotlanta, who fell by 24. Korver knocked down 337 treys during the stretch, meaning his threes have company. Hopefully, when the season is over, he'll have time to reflect on what a long, strange triple it's been.

*providing such useful tips as what order to take the cream and the clear in.

What Can Brown Do For You?

There was no Christmas bonus for Larry Brown. In fact, his stocking was stuffed with a pink slip. Over the holidays, Bobcats owner and noted tongue sticker-outer Michael Jordan parted ways with his Hall of Fame coach and fellow North Carolina alum, making the most itinerant coach in the league a free agent. Erik Spoelstra just started sweating profusely.

The question isn't why Brown left, since his stays are always short and the Bobcats are bad, but who Jordan will bring in to succeed him -- because you don't replace a HOF coach (Hubie Brown doesn't want that kind of headache; Memphis was enough of a migraine). At least temporarily, Paul Silas gets a second go-round with a Charlotte-based team, but what, exactly, is Jordan's long-term plan? He already bungled the departure of one other Tar Heel, Raymond Felton, who left as a free agent, is having the best statistical season of his career and couldn't be happier throwing lob passes to A'mare. Brown's whiny and wishy-washy ways can wear on a team, but keep in mind this is a man who managed to lead the Clippers to the playoffs, a feat amazing enough to qualify him for basketball sainthood. Does Jordan have intentions of stepping out of the owner's box and onto the sidelines a la Pat Riley? Or did Jordan really believe that Brown underachieved with a ragtag roster of players who seem more suited to rounding out a D-League squad? No coach has a better track record of converting losers into winners. Not even Emilio Estevez in The Mighty Ducks.

We don't see the Bobcats luring a coach anywhere near as accomplished and established, especially since they haven't even convinced a top-flight player to settle in Charlotte. Sure, the the Mike Browns of the world are available, but he still has much to prove (namely, 1. can he win games without LeBron? 2. can he wear the same pair of glasses more than once?) and is he any better than Paul Silas? The Bobcats couldn't afford to downgrade at another position.

Maybe Brown wasn't forced out, maybe he asked out. Even though he's not suiting up - as far as we know - Jordan is the indisputable face and leader of the franchise (even more so now), but currently this team is more painful to watch than his Hanes commercials.* We hope Jordan realizes that changing coaches isn't comparable to changing underwear (for starters, coaches seldom come in three-packs).

*Don't you sully the good name of bacon by using it to describe a wrinkled shirt collar.