A Tough Blake

In terms of injuries, the 2012 men's Olympic team is snake-bitten, figuratively, but we wouldn't be surprised if it literally became true; if a cobra chomped on Carmelo and caused him to miss the competition. That's because Blake Griffin became the seventh star to suffer a setback that will prevent him from playing in London. Griffin tore the medial meniscus in his left knee (we're not a physician, we just pretend to be one on this blog) and will miss eight weeks. Griffin didn't even have the chance to face international competition, as the happened before last night's first exhibition game. This means the closest Griffin got to gold was the Gold Bond powder in the trainer's room.

This year marks the 20th anniversary of the inaugural and incomparable Dream Team, so players of this incarnation were asked the "who would win" question. Kobe benignly backed this bunch, as if there was any other way to answer. That exasperated their elders. Scottie Pippen posited that the '92 crew would've mauled the modern one by a margin of 25 points, while Michael Jordan's reaction was reproachful: "For him to compare those two teams is not one of the smarter things he ever could have done." And MJ knows about doing dumb things, like taking time off at the peak of his career to pursue baseball or not hiring Hall of Fame coach Jerry Sloan this summer or even fellow Dream Teamer Patrick Ewing (he instead went with a college assistant coach, Mike Dunlap; honestly, a Dunlap tire would've been a better choice).

Boomshakalockout!

If you were a youngster growing up in the '90s, regardless of whether you cared about the NBA, you were captivated by the 2-on-2 basketball arcade game, NBA Jam*, Midway's smashing, successful sequel to Arch Rivals. Beyond the sheer simplicity of its pick-up-and-play style, the appeal for hoops fans was the official license from the league to use the real teams' names, as well as the revolutionary incorporation of digitized faces of actual players (except Michael Jordan, who, to this day, is still an obstinate dick - only about the lockout, not his video game likeness). For the first time, it felt like you were controlling your favorite stars and, even more thrilling, inducing them to leap 30-feet into the air to execute a 360-helicopter jam or forcefully shove a foe down at half court to jar the ball loose, acts either impossible or illegal in real life.

Even though it's an unrealistic simulation - or precisely for that very reason - 1993's NBA Jam still ranks as one of the best basketball games ever created (sorry, Slam City with Scottie Pippen). Maybe it's our fondness for it, that causes us to find this work stoppage-inspired parody so hilarious. Like a meticulous musician, we can never have enough Jam sessions.

*Chances are, you were also captivated by parachute pants and sneakers that you could inflate.