Inter Play

Steve Nash, as always, is going to put his best foot forward, but this time it'll be on the pitch, not the parquet. The prototypical passer, Nash couldn't pass up an invitation to tryout for Inter Milan. The soccer squad is in the states for a week-long, eight-team international tournament and Nash will take the field today in New Jersey, the second-most Italian place in the world.

Futbol fervor is in the family for the MVP, whose papa played professionally. Nash is also a part-owner of the Vancouver Whitecaps in the MLS (we've heard they grow great grass, but we're not sure our source meant the stadium's)*. Suffice it to say, Nash is going to get a kick out of this experience.

Just 10 days ago, Kobe Bryant toured and received treatment at intracity rival club AC Milan's training facility. Between Nash, Bryant and Gasol, L.A.'s three best players have a better chance of winning a title with the Galaxy - the back-to-back defending champions - than the Lakers. After all, it's better to be the sweeper, than the swept.

*She also reported their supporters' scarves are made strictly from hemp, but Mary Jane's memory is a little hazy.

Kings of Le(Br)on

DJ LJ is in the house. However, he's not kicking out the jams, so much as picking them out. LeBron James is the "music curator" for the video game NBA 2K14 , slated for release on October 1. LeBron's taste in tunes is eclectic, as the genres range from the rock of The Black Keys and Imagine Dragons, to the rap of Drake and the now punctuation poor Jay Z (he's an agent of change who won't be hiring any hyphens), last year's song selector, to whatever you classify the clatter Coldplay churns out as (looks like the only jazz in the game will be Utah).

We don't know if there are any cover songs, although we do know James is also on the cover (suffice it to say, he's an instrumental part of the game). The playlist sounds promising, still we have one recommendation for roundball's royal ruler: "Down with the King" by Run-D.M.C. Who better to supply the soundtrack for the King than three guys from Queens?

Free Wet Willy

Delonte West can't put his finger on why he's out of work, but we bet Gordon Hayward can. West was dismissed from Dallas for detrimental conduct before the start of last season. In an interview with Slam, West pointed his saliva-free finger at the media for maligning him, which he's concluded contributed to his canning by Cleveland and Boston. "They've made me into the Terminator," West whined. He has a point - both are known to carry firearms.

Comparing himself to the cyborg character, it's no wonder West is vowing, "I'll be back." He's has had his "Judgment Day" and is now seeking "Salvation." Although he's had at least as many chances as the films have spawned sequels, we're willing to give him another one - in the year 2029.

Minnow-mum Effort

It's currently cloudy in Philadelphia - at least over the Wells Fargo Center - and the future is foggy, too. The 76ers have a new general manager, Sam Hinkie, which may explain why things seem somewhat hinky with the franchise.

They are the sole club in the Association still sans a coach. They traded their lone All-Star on draft day for a injured one-and-done collegian whose return date is unknown. In a press conference Tuesday to introduce Nerlens Noel, the only player they've added this off-season, Hinkie said he won't rush the rookie or hasten to hire a headman. Hinkie has sat still longer than Edward Snowden (who has put the 'terminal' in "interminable stay").*

This team is thinking about tanking more than an aquarium just furnished with a freight of fresh fish. Hinkie's slowness to sign a single free agent signals that this season the Sixers will sink to the bottom of the Atlantic division. In other words, Philly will likely be leagues below the rest of the league.

*the difference being that Snowden surely has acquired some duty-free goods by now.

Show and Tel Aviv

For years, Ama're Stoudemire has been a man in the middle, but in the last several off-seasons, he has been a man in the middle east. In 2010, he traveled to Israel for a week to research his Hebrew heritage. This year, he and a band of businessmen have submitted a bid to buy the basketball team Hapoel Jerusalem and he has helped coach the Canadian team at the Maccabiah Games, an event for Jewish athletes held every four years, which we're now nicknaming the "Oy-lympics".

Because of the mensch's many mitzvahs, Israel's President, Shimon Peres, said "shalom" to Stoudemire last week and personally asked him to play for the national team. Stoudemire last suited up for the stars and stripes in 2007 and was a member of the shanda squad at the 2004 Olympics, for whom bronze might as well have been bupkis.

Should Stoudemire be swayed by the schmoozing, he'd light up the scoreboard like it's a menorah (and likely get burned on defense like a candle). Even if he says "feh" to the feeler, Stoudemire will still have best "How I Spent My Summer Vacation" essay in The Association.

He's Adamant(ium) About It

For most of his career, no one has been able to cover Kobe Bryant. Lately, no one can recover like him. Bryant tore his Achilles in April, but Lakers VP Jim Buss believes he'll be back by the preseason in October, meaning the heel will have healed in a superhuman six months. Given Kobe's potent regenerative powers, it's a wonder he wasn't cast as Wolverine instead of Hugh Jackman (the latter does have the acting chops to match the requisite mutton chops). But Bryant's boss could be wrong; after all, when does a Buss ever stay on schedule?

Having been shunned by Dwight Howard and shrewdly stepped back from signing Andrew Bynum, the Mavericks settled on stopgap Samuel Dalembert, who will suit up for his fifth team in as many seasons. Decks of cards at casinos have been shuffled less. Sorry for hatin' on the Haitian, but Dalembert is softer than camembert.

Talk about a dis-Funch-tional relationship. Six years after filing for divorce, Dwyane Wade and his ex-wife, Siohvaughn Funches finalized a financial settlement. Wade, who has already been paying Funches bunches of cash, $25K per month, which covers a casa and a quartet of cars, will shell out a lump sum of $5 million. That works out to one mill. per year of marriage. Who says love don't cost a thing?*


*That's the last time we listen to Jennifer Lopez and/or Nick Cannon.

Send Them the Bill(ups)

After killing Blake Griffin softly on TV last month (he might've wished for a second take to take back his words on First Take), Chauncey Billups discovered he has a soft spot for the team he took to a title nine years ago (for the record, nice guys can finish first; see: Robinson, David). Traded away in 2008, Billups was content to be back in destitute Detroit, a city that officially declared itself bankrupt yesterday. It's safe - and sad - to say the wheels have fallen off in the Motor City.

Jesus Chrysler, that place needs to be saved by an almighty force (not the federal government, this time). Our idea for the municipality to make money is for Mayor Dave Bing - who by the way is in the basketball Hall of Fame - to take on the middle name "Microsoft" and schill for the search engine. In all seriousness, there is no simple solution for rescuing a region reportedly $18-20 billion in debt, so be sure your checks clear, Chauncey.