Jungle Gym

Ever since they went seven games last season in their playoff series with the Heat, the Pacers have been pounding their chests as if they were Tarzan. Lately, they've just been getting pounded. Indiana has suffered setbacks in six of its last eight games, including three straight double-digit defeats, culminating in a 26-point clobbering by the stampeding Spurs. Welcome to the jungle. We see you've found the quicksand.

"Some selfish dudes in here," Roy Hibbert harrumphed about the slump. On the contrary, Roy, your group of guys have generously given away first place in the conference to Miami. Third from last in assists, the Pacers don't pass (unless judgement counts), thus they've been passed in the standings. A certain 80's cartoon/toy line taught us "sharing is caring" and the Pacers paucity of it is glaring. Hence, Hibbert going Grumpy Bear.

Luckily, they have layups remaining against the least of the East: Detroit, Milwaukee and Orlando. The jungle may not have fun, but it has games. None may matter more than April 11 versus the Heat. To this point, there's only one Indiana we're confident can make it out of the jungle - and he doesn't absorb whippings, he administers them.

Animal Trapping

To motivate himself, Roy Hibbert scrawled the phrase "I'm an animal" on his sneaker. Consider the Miami Heat animal control. Hibbert had a team-high 18 and 8, but it wasn't beastly enough, as Miami caged his cohorts, putting his peers in the pound, to pound the Pacers and capture a third consecutive finals appearance. Chris Bosh, back when he had braids, may have looked like Predator, but LeBron James was the post-season predator, attacking to attempt 16 free throws, amass 32 points and maintain his hold on the record for scoring average in playoff game sevens of 33.8 PPG.

The other word Hibbert wrote was "focus." Ironically, the Pacers lacked it. 15 turnovers led to a 15-point halftime deficit. Indiana finished with ten more turnovers than Miami. David West's respiratory infection might explain why he coughed up the ball six times. Things didn't "Come Together" for Paul George, who fouled out with 7 points.

It was up for LeBron James in the second quarter - he hopped so high on an lob from Norris Cole that he had to duck his head to avoid hitting the rim - and then away for the Heat, who outscored the Pacers 33-16. A go-kart - even a souped up one - can only keep up with a formula one car for so long and when the Heat finally hit the gas, they lapped the Pacers with ease.

James left with over five minutes remaining in the game, getting to kick back and being greeted by a celebrity in the crowd who knows something about kicking, David Beckham, on his way to the bench. Flo Rida was also in attendance and perhaps his presence got Wade back in the flow. Wade finished with 21 points and 9 rebounds, including 6 on the offensive end, a flashback to the "Flash" of old.

Attempt to DestROY

Roy Hibbert isn't feeling the heat of being in the Eastern Conference Finals for the first time; instead, the Heat are feeling him. In this series, Hibbert has broken out like pimples on a pre-teen. In five of the six games, he's scored 20 or more points and shot 50 percent or greater from the floor. He's doubled his scoring average from the regular season and his 29 points in game 2 topped his high from this year. Hibbert has been inflating like a 7'2" inner tube and if Miami doesn't contrive a way to constrict him tonight in game 7, they'll be the ones lounging poolside.

We'll give it to you straight, since that's how Hibbert likes it - he and the Pacers have reduced the Heat's "Big Three" to LeBron and a tiny two. Consequently, James' supporting cast has collapsed like a garment factory in Pakistan. Ray Allen can't hit a shot (13-46 on field goals) or even a free throw. Shane Battier is missing jumpers and Chris Bosh is just plain missing: 19 points and 12 rebounds total in the last three games, which means his mug should make milk cartons in Miami. Meanwhile, Dwyane Wade is getting touchy about his amount of touches. Games three through six have been nightmares for him not induced by Kevin Durant, nor endorsed by Gatorade in those always-airing ads*.

Hibbert has had help. Paul George, who we like to call one-half of the Beatles, has blossomed into a bonafide (Ringo) star(r). With almost identical back-to-back performances, he's piloting the "Yellow Submarine" that has nearly torpedoed the Heat. It's no wonder James slapped Paul's hand at half court after the pair traded tough baskets during game 2. However, that gesture doesn't mean James is willing hand the series over; he's respectful and relentless. After all, a King is not easily overthrown.

*could Wade's struggles be linked to a buildup of brominated vegetable oil in his system? Bromine is a flame retardant.

Pushing for Change

Pacers and patrons don't mix. 2004's "Malice at the Palace" taught us that those parties shouldn't mix it up. A scuffle spilled into the seats in Indianapolis last night, but fortunately no fists flew from fans and no players threw punches. Shoving between Roy Hibbert and David Lee following a foul was exacerbated when the slight but scrappy Stephen Curry came to the aid of his fellow Warrior in a most literal way, charging Hibbert, which moved the minor melee into the corner onto supporters sitting near the sidelines.

Hibbert was ejected and believes he'll be suspended. He understands that the league can't have colossal creatures colliding with customers, even unintentionally. However, the NBA needs to recognize that teammates will back each other up and should back up the stands accordingly, to protect athletes and admirers alike. There is such a thing as too close for comfort. How many bystanders have to be bowled over and spectators sideswiped for David Stern to do something? Being front-row for a fight is appealing when attending a boxing match, but appalling when going to a basketball game.

Forward Thinking

These days in the association, pure centers are almost as scarce as pure blood samples from Lance Armstrong, yet the league was continuing to put voters in the awkward position of picking players who fit the position, but not the production, expected of an All-Star. An overhauled ballot, which will be released on November 13, has corrected for this cutback in classic centers by allowing fans to choose three frontcourt players, so what they do on the floor is stressed, as opposed to where on the floor they do it and against whom. The NBA saying "take five" to the five spot will likely bring an end to the glory of any future Jamaal Magloires (woe Canada, we stand by on a guard for thee*). Sorry, but when Roy Hibbert was announced last season, we laughed like Dr. Hibbert.

*what we mean is, we'll still cast a vote for Steve Nash, so no hard feelings, eh?

There Can Be Only Uno

As LeBron James and Kevin Durant hunt for hardware on the hardwood, Roy Hibbert and Jeremy Lin searched their surroundings for silly souvenirs on Jimmy Kimmel Live. The conclusion: Hibbert cheats*, knows white people on a more intimate level than Lin and is willing to pay a premium for a pooch (Lin could purchase 150 watches for the price of Hibbert's puppy). Once the prize was announced, we wondered if winning was worth it, but maybe a competition involving mad dashes does deserve mad Kardashians, scavengers in their own right (of sports stars).

*whether it's at cards or just with cards, we don't know