Jingle Balls

Aside from spiked eggnog and socking shoppers in search of savings on Black (Eye) Friday, nothing puts us in the holiday spirit like a seasonal song, whether it's about an affair with an intruder or a reindeer with road rage. We don't what Kris Kringle list we're on this year, but we do know what's on our playlist: this catchy jingle. We're so infatuated with the instrumental that we find ourselves adding lyrics, like, "Oh, what fun it is to shoot in a five-hoop open gym" and "bells on Bobcats' tails ring."

Unless James Harden dyes his beard white and puts on a fat, not form-fitting red suit, this is the most yuletide thing you'll see NBA superstars do (Dionte Christmas dressing as Father Christmas and DeMarre Carroll singing carols don't count). The ditty is so pretty, it made us forget that one-third of the players participating in the merry music-making won't even be wearing a uniform - sleeved or otherwise - come the Christmas quintuple-header. Who knew dogs barking the tune could be topped*?

*Don't you dare say the ballad bashing Batman is better.

Constellation Prize

What do you buy a man who can afford almost anything? If you're scholarly Shane Battier, brainstorming ideas for the Miami Heat's Secret Santa exchange, the answer is obvious: a telescope*. That's the present Battier gave Chris Bosh. Other items received by players included wine, a painting and designer luggage, so Bosh might not be over the moon about his haul. We're sure Bosh will find space for it in the back of a closet (or, if he likes it, his observatory^).

Of course, if Bosh wants to see stars, he should look on the court, not up at the cosmos. When we think about it, a telescope is probably a better bounty for LeBron; he can use the device to stare at Saturn, looking longingly at all its rings.

*because a rock tumbler would be tacky.
^ perhaps his new hobby will lead to a friendship with fellow hoopster and astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson Chandler.

Airborne Jordan

Talk about sick pay. A pair of Michael Jordan's sneakers - or should we say "sneezekers?" - from his famous influenza game* in the 1997 Finals sold at auction on Thursday, shattering the record for game-worn shoes by selling for over three-times the previous high, set by another set of MJ's used shoes. Bidding, like Jordan during that game 5 victory, was feverish, with the winner consenting to cough up $104,765 in cold cash.

The seller was a former Utah Jazz ball boy, who said Jordan rewarded him for fetching him applesauce (imagine how much memorabilia whoever serves Jordan his snacks when he enters a retirement home will receive). The buyer's identity hasn't been made public, but whoever it is certainly is a wealthy collector. After all, you can't spell "affluent" without 'flu.'

*Years after the fact, Jordan's trainer alleged his Airness's illness was due to food poisoning from a pizza (Jordan later learned his lesson by always ordering the same two toppings: pepperoni and Pepcid). This could be true, since Jordan was living in Chicago, his body had likely not tasted a traditional, non-terrible pie.

The NBA: It's Fantatastic!

One shouldn't cry over spilled milk, the saying goes, but spilled soda is a different story - especially when the cola in question winds up costing you $50,000. Jason Kidd's soft drink took a hard fall with 8.3 seconds left on Wednesday with the Nets down by two and out of timeouts. Kidd mouthed "hit me" to guard Tyshawn Taylor as he was coming off the court, causing Kidd to Sun Drop his drink and use the cleanup time to strategize with his squad. At 4-10, he was thirsting for a win. Kidd got himself out of one sticky situation by initiating another.

This incident is exactly why former mayor Michael Bloomberg attempted to ban big beverages. He was unsuccessful and so was Kidd, as the Nets still lost and the coach was fined $50K for behaving like a soda jerk. Kidd has asked the league to put it on his Tab. We've learned the play he was designed was a pick and pop. A contrite Kidd has promised not to try the tactic again unless he's 7Up.