This is 40 (and 10)
During his moving MVP speech, Kevin Durant told Russell Westbrook, who's regularly under fire for firing off scads of shots, he had his back (it was the lead taking a supporting role). Westbrook paid back the praise by bringing the Thunder back into the series, tying it at 2-2, behind his 40 points, 10 assists and 5 steals, which were all figures greater than what the Spurs starting lineup totaled (although Popovich, perhaps channeling the Commander-in-Chief, pulled his charges out before the conflict concluded, too). Westbrook became only the second player in postseason history to notch those numbers, joining the rare air of Michael Jordan, who did it in 1989, when Westbrook was one and pampered in a completely different way.
When Durant stood up for Westbrook, it stood out - and a standout effort from Westbrook was exactly what the Thunder needed.
Westbrook can always find the basket, but he's at his best when he's finding teammates, too. Durant, who had his series-high with 31, wasn't just accepting an award, he was accepting his amigo, along with any of his friend's flaws, which are few. Durant demonstrated he'll share credit, now Westbrook is showing he'll share the ball. That makes them two of a kindness.
Wednesday, May 28, 2014
Tuesday, May 27, 2014
ReSergence
The Thunder's medical staff was off the mark when they ruled Serge Ibaka would miss the remainder of the postseason. In contrast, Ibaka, during his return, was rarely off the mark. He made the first basket of the game, sinking six of seven from the field, on his way to scoring 15 points, while snaring seven rebounds and swatting four shots in the Thunder's win. The Spurs were skeptical Ibaka would sit out the series. Gregg Popovich believed the prognosis on Ibaka's strained calf strained credulity, so San Antonio was prepared for him to play, just not that well. Ibaka starting wasn't as unexpected as Bill Murray barging-in on your bachelor party.* Murray's shown he's agreeable to administering advice to Boston College boys, so pick up the phone if you need a pre-game pep talk tonight, Reggie Jackson.
More fraud than Freud: Lance Stephenson won't be freelancing as a psychologist anytime soon. Stephenson thought he detected a "sign of weakness" from LeBron James when he goaded him into gabbing in game 3, but LeBron switched from strong language to a powerful performance for game 4. Stephenson tried to get in James' head, but that's not the way to get ahead against him^ and now the Pacers appear in over their heads, down 3-1. LeBron paid no mind to the mind games, posting his highest point total of the series, while Stephenson had his lowest, so you could say LeBron beat his brains out. If Stephenson attempts to put James on the couch again, he'll be the one on the couch - watching the Finals from home.
*he popped up that day like a groundhog and is more likely to be seen at a stranger's stag shindig than in Ghostbusters III.
^he should know LeBron's lone visible vulnerability lies on top of his coconut, not inside it; Stephenson can't Rogaine a metal advantage over James.
More fraud than Freud: Lance Stephenson won't be freelancing as a psychologist anytime soon. Stephenson thought he detected a "sign of weakness" from LeBron James when he goaded him into gabbing in game 3, but LeBron switched from strong language to a powerful performance for game 4. Stephenson tried to get in James' head, but that's not the way to get ahead against him^ and now the Pacers appear in over their heads, down 3-1. LeBron paid no mind to the mind games, posting his highest point total of the series, while Stephenson had his lowest, so you could say LeBron beat his brains out. If Stephenson attempts to put James on the couch again, he'll be the one on the couch - watching the Finals from home.
*he popped up that day like a groundhog and is more likely to be seen at a stranger's stag shindig than in Ghostbusters III.
^he should know LeBron's lone visible vulnerability lies on top of his coconut, not inside it; Stephenson can't Rogaine a metal advantage over James.
Friday, May 23, 2014
A River Walk in the Park
The Thunder are missing their shot blocker, while the Spurs aren't missing shots (averaging 53.8% from the field), thus nothing is blocking the Spurs path to the basket - or the finals. The Thunder have become the Thuner, their 'd' has disappeared in Ibaka's absence. The advice to go inside when you see lightning apparently also applies to when you see Thunder, as the Spurs have put up 66 and 54 points in the paint. Oklahoma City has done nothing to deter San Antonio from long distance, either, as the Spurs have hit nine threes in each game. When that many triples are going in, they won't have trouble reaching triple digits on the scoreboard.
Sans Serge, the Thunder can't survive the Spurs surges. The Thunder lost by more than twice as many points in game 2 as they did in game 1 - and the first contest wasn't close (if this trend continues, the margin will mushroom to 71 Sunday). If the Thunder can't block field goals, they'll at least want to block out these blowouts from their brains. We've watched cats more willing to confront attackers this week. Is it too late for the Thunder to sign Tara*? We'd be feline better about their chances if they did.
His Barkley is worse than his bite: Charles Barkley has never been afraid to weigh-in with his opinion, especially on the weight of women in San Antonio, but the wisecrack is wearing thin. Jokes aren't like buffet lines, you can't go back to them as much as you like. Particularly for someone who remembers pie a la mode as much as the Alamo. Interviewing Danny Green after Game 2 in the arena, he acknowledge the throng's taunts "I just want them to know they suck, too." However, he stopped short of shouting at them to "Shut up and Jam!"
*she's already tried her paw at baseball
Sans Serge, the Thunder can't survive the Spurs surges. The Thunder lost by more than twice as many points in game 2 as they did in game 1 - and the first contest wasn't close (if this trend continues, the margin will mushroom to 71 Sunday). If the Thunder can't block field goals, they'll at least want to block out these blowouts from their brains. We've watched cats more willing to confront attackers this week. Is it too late for the Thunder to sign Tara*? We'd be feline better about their chances if they did.
His Barkley is worse than his bite: Charles Barkley has never been afraid to weigh-in with his opinion, especially on the weight of women in San Antonio, but the wisecrack is wearing thin. Jokes aren't like buffet lines, you can't go back to them as much as you like. Particularly for someone who remembers pie a la mode as much as the Alamo. Interviewing Danny Green after Game 2 in the arena, he acknowledge the throng's taunts "I just want them to know they suck, too." However, he stopped short of shouting at them to "Shut up and Jam!"
*she's already tried her paw at baseball
Wednesday, May 21, 2014
Cleveland Streamer
Cleveland didn't stand much of a chance. Then again, it usually doesn't. The odds of the Cavaliers drawing the first pick in the draft lottery were 1.7% - or slightly higher than LeBron rejoining them. The city that staunchly supports the Browns, but not so much Mike Brown, won the number one overall selection for the third time in four years. Truthfully, it's the best three-peat the club could hope for after LeBron left.
Last season, they squandered it on Anthony Bennett, who fellow canuck Justin Bieber would be justified in chucking eggs at*. Akin to another Toronton, Rob Ford, Bennett wasn't all he was cracked up to be (it's baby steps for the latter, 12-steps for the former). The ball bounces their way, they just have to wait until their season is over for it to happen.
If Lady Luck wasn't smiling on the Cavs last night, then it was the gorgeous grin of Mallory Edens, the teenage daughter^ of the incoming Bucks owner, who gained over 19,000 Twitter followers after her appearance (they may have found the face of the franchise prior to picking a player). If only Milwaukee - who had a 25% probability, yet slid to second - could attract that many season-ticket buyers.
*there's Johnny Football's first assignment
^she's 18, so she's draft and dating-eligible
Last season, they squandered it on Anthony Bennett, who fellow canuck Justin Bieber would be justified in chucking eggs at*. Akin to another Toronton, Rob Ford, Bennett wasn't all he was cracked up to be (it's baby steps for the latter, 12-steps for the former). The ball bounces their way, they just have to wait until their season is over for it to happen.
If Lady Luck wasn't smiling on the Cavs last night, then it was the gorgeous grin of Mallory Edens, the teenage daughter^ of the incoming Bucks owner, who gained over 19,000 Twitter followers after her appearance (they may have found the face of the franchise prior to picking a player). If only Milwaukee - who had a 25% probability, yet slid to second - could attract that many season-ticket buyers.
*there's Johnny Football's first assignment
^she's 18, so she's draft and dating-eligible
Monday, May 19, 2014
The Price is Write
Now that the Warriors have been eliminated from the postseason, Harrison Barnes has some free time and he'll use it to sign stuff for free. As a token of thanks to fans, Barnes announced on Facebook he will give his autograph away gratis this summer. The second-year player from Ames, Iowa aims to please.
You name it and he'll write his name on it. The memorabilia must be mailed to his P.O. box, along with an explanation of why you want him to scrawl on your souvenirs (because you can't afford an inscription from Harrison Ford isn't an acceptable answer). He does caution there could be delays due to his TV viewing and video game playing (apparently, his first duty is to Call of Duty), so senders might not receive their object until the fall if Barnes is immersed in Titanfall.
His policy puts some pressure on the similarly surnamed Matt Barnes - and his teammates, too (David Lee will have to waive his fee and Andre Iguodala will stop charging top dollar). Still, this is no small gesture by the small forward For starters (which, he's not), it's a great way to forge a friendship with followers* (you can call him your "nonPayPal"). Secondly, it's a smart strategy to stand out on social media. This could become Barnes' signature move.
*and us if he'd be willing to forge Stephen Curry's John Hancock on a jersey
You name it and he'll write his name on it. The memorabilia must be mailed to his P.O. box, along with an explanation of why you want him to scrawl on your souvenirs (because you can't afford an inscription from Harrison Ford isn't an acceptable answer). He does caution there could be delays due to his TV viewing and video game playing (apparently, his first duty is to Call of Duty), so senders might not receive their object until the fall if Barnes is immersed in Titanfall.
His policy puts some pressure on the similarly surnamed Matt Barnes - and his teammates, too (David Lee will have to waive his fee and Andre Iguodala will stop charging top dollar). Still, this is no small gesture by the small forward For starters (which, he's not), it's a great way to forge a friendship with followers* (you can call him your "nonPayPal"). Secondly, it's a smart strategy to stand out on social media. This could become Barnes' signature move.
*and us if he'd be willing to forge Stephen Curry's John Hancock on a jersey
Friday, May 16, 2014
Terms of Encroachment
Jack Nicholson, a fixture in the front row at Lakers games, was courtside to watch the Clippers last night. This is what happens when the franchise finally has A Few Good Men. He's As Good As It Gets for celebrities at Clippers games (that much is Billy Crystal clear). Sadly, it wasn't The Shining moment the club had hoped for, as it lost its series to the Thunder. Jack, you can't be an L.A. basketball bigamist*; you must select a squad to support, so Something's Gotta Give.
Golden State Corral: Steve Kerr is likely to incur the wrath of Phil Jackson. It appeared a foregone conclusion that Kerr would coach the Knicks, but now he's gone to the Warriors, who hired another guard-turned-TNT broadcaster (a few seasons donning a headset and you're all set to be a head up a team, brass believes). This turn of events likely has Jackson feeling disKerraged. Remember, Phil, if at first you don't succeed, try, triangle again.
Time passed, but he didn't: Talk about jersey pride. Steve Francis wore his own, old top to a Houston playoff game and was resoundingly reproached for his Rockets regalia. What, did you expect him to be clad in a Cuttino Mobley one*? After a player is through playing basketball, is his uniform supposed to collect mothballs? All his clothing choice conveyed is that Stevie Franchise hasn't moved on, while the franchise has.
That's two bad: Mike Brown was let go by Cleveland for the second time in four years Monday. Deja vu is even eerier when it involves Dan Gilbert (and occurs near Lake Erie). How does that proverb go? Fire me once, shame on you; fire me twice, shame on me. Any chagrin Brown has will become a grin because he had four years left on his contract, plus he's still collecting checks from his quintet of games with the Lakers. Brown has learned layoffs payoff.
*what's know as letting "The Big Cat" out of the laundry bag
^a Jack of all teams
Golden State Corral: Steve Kerr is likely to incur the wrath of Phil Jackson. It appeared a foregone conclusion that Kerr would coach the Knicks, but now he's gone to the Warriors, who hired another guard-turned-TNT broadcaster (a few seasons donning a headset and you're all set to be a head up a team, brass believes). This turn of events likely has Jackson feeling disKerraged. Remember, Phil, if at first you don't succeed, try, triangle again.
Time passed, but he didn't: Talk about jersey pride. Steve Francis wore his own, old top to a Houston playoff game and was resoundingly reproached for his Rockets regalia. What, did you expect him to be clad in a Cuttino Mobley one*? After a player is through playing basketball, is his uniform supposed to collect mothballs? All his clothing choice conveyed is that Stevie Franchise hasn't moved on, while the franchise has.
That's two bad: Mike Brown was let go by Cleveland for the second time in four years Monday. Deja vu is even eerier when it involves Dan Gilbert (and occurs near Lake Erie). How does that proverb go? Fire me once, shame on you; fire me twice, shame on me. Any chagrin Brown has will become a grin because he had four years left on his contract, plus he's still collecting checks from his quintet of games with the Lakers. Brown has learned layoffs payoff.
*what's know as letting "The Big Cat" out of the laundry bag
^a Jack of all teams
Thursday, May 15, 2014
Patella Us About It
Greg Oden has been under the knife a lot (so much so that if he had a TV special to proclaim his plan to play in Miami, it would've been titled, "The Incision"), but this time he dissected himself. In an interview with Grantland, the number one overall pick in 2007 granted, "I know I'm one of the biggest busts in NBA history." However, he did not follow that up by saying, "It's just Kwame, myself and I."
Somewhere, fellow Blazers bust Sam Bowie - who at this point, Oden would have to kneel before (if he's even capable of it) - is nodding his head in agreement with that assessment. Both big men are picked on for where they were picked, but even more for who was picked after them: Jordan and Durant, respectively. It turned out the chosen ones were not the ones chosen first.
Oden, who's missed more time than an unwound watch, is aware that both his body and body of work are deficient."It's frustrating that my body can't do what my mind wants it to do sometimes," the center conceded. Toddlers everywhere empathize with you, Greg.
We tip our (knee)cap to Oden for taking a complete and critical look at himself, something not enough scouts did. To be fair, Oden did bust (there's that word again) his behind rehabbing for years to return to the league. If this winds up being his last season, Oden is still assured a place in history. At the very least, he'll be the answer to a tibia, er, trivia question.
Somewhere, fellow Blazers bust Sam Bowie - who at this point, Oden would have to kneel before (if he's even capable of it) - is nodding his head in agreement with that assessment. Both big men are picked on for where they were picked, but even more for who was picked after them: Jordan and Durant, respectively. It turned out the chosen ones were not the ones chosen first.
Oden, who's missed more time than an unwound watch, is aware that both his body and body of work are deficient."It's frustrating that my body can't do what my mind wants it to do sometimes," the center conceded. Toddlers everywhere empathize with you, Greg.
We tip our (knee)cap to Oden for taking a complete and critical look at himself, something not enough scouts did. To be fair, Oden did bust (there's that word again) his behind rehabbing for years to return to the league. If this winds up being his last season, Oden is still assured a place in history. At the very least, he'll be the answer to a tibia, er, trivia question.
Tuesday, May 13, 2014
A Gaga Order
Lady Gaga was "Born this Way," and now she'll have to make way for possible playoff basketball. Sorry, little monsters, the Wizards have moved forward the date of a scheduled Lady Gaga show this week*, in anticipation of a game six being played, although Washington, one loss away from elimination, is about to fall off "The Edge of Glory".
Her fans expect costume changes, not concert changes and we don't know how holding it earlier will affect preparations, but she better begin thawing her meat dress immediately (which gives "skirt steak" a whole new meaning) and taking her enormous egg out of its carton (a precious prop that isn't a dime a dozen).
That's no way to treat a Lady, but there's been no reaction from Gaga, so we guess she's maintaining her "Poker Face."^ Still, we're sure she'll deliver a moving performance. After all, who doesn't appreciate "Applause" in advance?
*and we thought the only thing pushed-up would be her bra
^some songstresses would've fought the changes kicking and screaming
Her fans expect costume changes, not concert changes and we don't know how holding it earlier will affect preparations, but she better begin thawing her meat dress immediately (which gives "skirt steak" a whole new meaning) and taking her enormous egg out of its carton (a precious prop that isn't a dime a dozen).
That's no way to treat a Lady, but there's been no reaction from Gaga, so we guess she's maintaining her "Poker Face."^ Still, we're sure she'll deliver a moving performance. After all, who doesn't appreciate "Applause" in advance?
*and we thought the only thing pushed-up would be her bra
^some songstresses would've fought the changes kicking and screaming
Monday, May 12, 2014
Serpent-Up Fear
Up 3-0 against the Blazers, the Spurs have control, but they need to have animal control. Before Thursday's game in San Antonio, Portland's Thomas Robinson spotted a snake in his locker - meaning there was a moccasin in the very place he puts his moccasins. He threw a hissy fit when he saw the hissing reptile, leaping "five feet high and 20 feet back," because although snakes are legless, basketball players aren't.
By his own account, Robinson, who admitted he had only seen the creatures on the Discovery Channel, was rattled by the snake. Teammate Mo Williams confessed, "we was scared as hell," while Will Barton scaled a chair to escape the scaly beast, so it seems like these Trail Blazers mostly stick to the trail. It'll be difficult for them to crawl back in the series.
Coach Terry Stotts quipped it "sounds like an ABA story," but that tale would've been about snake-skin shoes. Those old-time players wanted the hide, while Stotts' lot wanted to hide.
By his own account, Robinson, who admitted he had only seen the creatures on the Discovery Channel, was rattled by the snake. Teammate Mo Williams confessed, "we was scared as hell," while Will Barton scaled a chair to escape the scaly beast, so it seems like these Trail Blazers mostly stick to the trail. It'll be difficult for them to crawl back in the series.
Coach Terry Stotts quipped it "sounds like an ABA story," but that tale would've been about snake-skin shoes. Those old-time players wanted the hide, while Stotts' lot wanted to hide.
Friday, May 9, 2014
The Mother of All Awards
How does Kevin Durant spell "MVP?" M-o-m. In his emotional acceptance speech Tuesday, during which the "Slim Reaper" became the slim weeper, he wasn't mum about who deserves credit for the accomplishment, singling out his mama for the sacrifices she made for him growing up. So, with several days to spare before Mother's Day, (show-off) he honored her with touching testimony and a trophy touting what a terrific tyke she raised, which really puts our ho-hum Hallmark card and cruddy candle into perspective* . It's one thing for him to make defenders look bad, but it's another to make sons look bad (he presented her with a pro prize and we couldn't be bothered to buy ProFlowers^).
"Mr. Unreliable" was Mister Fantastic the entire season, leading the league in scoring for the fourth time and posting 25 or more points in 41 consecutive contests. Last spring, he said he was sick of being second, and this season he was second-to-none. Durant's dominance was apparent to everyone - even LeBron, who ahead of the announcement admitted Durant "deserves" it - just as it's apparent which parent Durant loves.
*mommy, if you're wondering why your edible arrangement arrived with most of the melons missing, blame Durant for depressing us
^our mug making us out to be #1 is meaningless, we might as well mail it to KD
"Mr. Unreliable" was Mister Fantastic the entire season, leading the league in scoring for the fourth time and posting 25 or more points in 41 consecutive contests. Last spring, he said he was sick of being second, and this season he was second-to-none. Durant's dominance was apparent to everyone - even LeBron, who ahead of the announcement admitted Durant "deserves" it - just as it's apparent which parent Durant loves.
*mommy, if you're wondering why your edible arrangement arrived with most of the melons missing, blame Durant for depressing us
^our mug making us out to be #1 is meaningless, we might as well mail it to KD
Thursday, May 8, 2014
Making Chow Fun
Now that the Rockets season is through, Jeremy Lin tweeted that he'd send a pair of his sneakers to the first follower to correctly guess which restaurant he was heading to in his hometown, to which teammate Chandler Parsons - perhaps looking to stir-fry up trouble - replied, "Panda Express."* Rather than (egg) roll his eyes, Lin teasingly called Parsons "Donald Sterling." Come on, Chandler, Lin makes millions now - he can afford P.F. Chang's.
No longer a Golden opportunity: We don't know if they put a hand down, but the Golden State Warriors are a man down. Specifically, their coach, Mark Jackson, who was fired Tuesday. Despite leading the club to back-to-back playoff berths, he won't be back. Remember when Jackson told fans not to attend his team's games (and unless you suffer from short-term memory loss you should because it was last week)? Now he's free to follow his own advice. Mama, there goes that man...to the unemployment line.
Hop to it, coach: We've heard of a sore loser, but never a soar winner. Washington coach Randy Wittman, 54, pledged to his players that if they prevailed in their first round series, he would attempt a dunk. Wittman, who stands 6'6", hasn't fulfilled his promise yet and players are jumping all over him for not jumping. Wittman gave them his word, so he's bound to do it.
Clearing the Air Jordan: A new biography of Michael Jordan discloses his dislike of white people as a youngster and recalls an incident where a classmate called him a racial slur and he responded by tossing a soft drink at her (he was suspended from school because they had a Coke Zero-tolerance policy). Jordan eventually learned it wasn't healthy to keep his hatred bottled up.
*guess who's not coming to dinner
No longer a Golden opportunity: We don't know if they put a hand down, but the Golden State Warriors are a man down. Specifically, their coach, Mark Jackson, who was fired Tuesday. Despite leading the club to back-to-back playoff berths, he won't be back. Remember when Jackson told fans not to attend his team's games (and unless you suffer from short-term memory loss you should because it was last week)? Now he's free to follow his own advice. Mama, there goes that man...to the unemployment line.
Hop to it, coach: We've heard of a sore loser, but never a soar winner. Washington coach Randy Wittman, 54, pledged to his players that if they prevailed in their first round series, he would attempt a dunk. Wittman, who stands 6'6", hasn't fulfilled his promise yet and players are jumping all over him for not jumping. Wittman gave them his word, so he's bound to do it.
Clearing the Air Jordan: A new biography of Michael Jordan discloses his dislike of white people as a youngster and recalls an incident where a classmate called him a racial slur and he responded by tossing a soft drink at her (he was suspended from school because they had a Coke Zero-tolerance policy). Jordan eventually learned it wasn't healthy to keep his hatred bottled up.
*guess who's not coming to dinner
Wednesday, May 7, 2014
Putting the 'Jam' in "Traffic Jam"
Raptors coach Dwane Casey rode the Toronto subway to game 7 Sunday after congestion caused by a marathon. He tried to drive to the game, but his path was blocked, although it still wasn't the best block of the afternoon on a Raptor (and that's "The Truth"). We hope with the new three-year contract Casey signed Tuesday, it won't be beneath him to take public transportation, especially the underground variety.
This draft class goes to eleven: Ten players were taken ahead of Michael Carter-Williams (heck, he wasn't even the first guard with a hyphenated surname to be selected; thanks a bunch, Kentavious Caldwell-Pope), but he wound up ahead of them all, leading newcomers in scoring, rebounding and assists, and accordingly was awarded rookie of the year Monday. Carter-Williams' points-per-game was quadruple that of the number one pick, Anthony Bennett, who was almost as much of a Canadian train wreck as the Lac-Megantic derailment. Around The Association, and even more so in Philly, Carter-Williams stood out like Tetris on a tall building*
Ocho Cinco de Mayo: Monday, Chris Paul put the '3' in his nickname, "CP3." Paul connected on a career-best octet of them and missed only one attempt, meaning he was draining more shots on this Mexican holiday than a careless - and culturally clueless - collegian (he found the bottom of the net, they found the bottom of the bottle, both got high-fives from their friends).
Just stating the artifacts: The second round has barely begun, but the Pacers and Thunder have already lost home court advantage again. They must have been archaeologists in a past life because they keep having to dig themselves out of holes they've made. Still, they've demonstrated commitment to climbing out^, so we know they won't throw in the towel - or trowel.
*like a lot of our games of Tetris, the Sixers were missing most of the pieces necessary in order to play well.
^except Roy Hibbert, who's seven-feet under, in a riding-the-pine box
This draft class goes to eleven: Ten players were taken ahead of Michael Carter-Williams (heck, he wasn't even the first guard with a hyphenated surname to be selected; thanks a bunch, Kentavious Caldwell-Pope), but he wound up ahead of them all, leading newcomers in scoring, rebounding and assists, and accordingly was awarded rookie of the year Monday. Carter-Williams' points-per-game was quadruple that of the number one pick, Anthony Bennett, who was almost as much of a Canadian train wreck as the Lac-Megantic derailment. Around The Association, and even more so in Philly, Carter-Williams stood out like Tetris on a tall building*
Ocho Cinco de Mayo: Monday, Chris Paul put the '3' in his nickname, "CP3." Paul connected on a career-best octet of them and missed only one attempt, meaning he was draining more shots on this Mexican holiday than a careless - and culturally clueless - collegian (he found the bottom of the net, they found the bottom of the bottle, both got high-fives from their friends).
Just stating the artifacts: The second round has barely begun, but the Pacers and Thunder have already lost home court advantage again. They must have been archaeologists in a past life because they keep having to dig themselves out of holes they've made. Still, they've demonstrated commitment to climbing out^, so we know they won't throw in the towel - or trowel.
*like a lot of our games of Tetris, the Sixers were missing most of the pieces necessary in order to play well.
^except Roy Hibbert, who's seven-feet under, in a riding-the-pine box
Friday, May 2, 2014
For the Winfrey
In basketball, "the Big O" has always referred to Oscar Robertson*, but it might soon be used in regard to Oprah, who has expressed interest in buying the Clippers (Gayle would prefer she pursue the Kings). There could be competition from other celebrities; Floyd Mayweather, for instance, who we think has a puncher's chance of purchasing the franchise. Knowing Oprah, talks could go on for awhile (pausing periodically for breaks). It makes sense that the proprietor of a TV network wants to OWN a basketball team (we can hear the crowd chanting "Oprah-rah").
Mo' money, chemo problems: Adding injury to insult, the NY Post reports Donald Sterling has prostate cancer (on the bright side, his lifetime ban may not last so long). We hope it can be removed as easily as he was (are any of Adam Silver's siblings oncologists?).
Off with his headline: The Oklahoman published a piece on Kevin Durant Thursday titled, "Mr. Unreliable." The sports editor already apologized, but our takeaway is that even Midwesterners put-downs are polite. Still, if that's how they view Durant, they have the vision of Mr. Magoo.
They see him lint-rolling, they hatin': Drake has a clean image and perhaps that's because he's more focused on britches than bitches. Cameras caught the Canadian cleaning his chinos courtside during game two of the Raptors-Nets series. After the attention his hygiene habit received, 1,200 of the groomers were given away to Toronto fans Wednesday by the team. True to his lyrics, "he started from the bottom"...of his pants.
*what were you picturing, perverts?
Mo' money, chemo problems: Adding injury to insult, the NY Post reports Donald Sterling has prostate cancer (on the bright side, his lifetime ban may not last so long). We hope it can be removed as easily as he was (are any of Adam Silver's siblings oncologists?).
Off with his headline: The Oklahoman published a piece on Kevin Durant Thursday titled, "Mr. Unreliable." The sports editor already apologized, but our takeaway is that even Midwesterners put-downs are polite. Still, if that's how they view Durant, they have the vision of Mr. Magoo.
They see him lint-rolling, they hatin': Drake has a clean image and perhaps that's because he's more focused on britches than bitches. Cameras caught the Canadian cleaning his chinos courtside during game two of the Raptors-Nets series. After the attention his hygiene habit received, 1,200 of the groomers were given away to Toronto fans Wednesday by the team. True to his lyrics, "he started from the bottom"...of his pants.
*what were you picturing, perverts?
Thursday, May 1, 2014
Overtime and Again
Following four consecutive games featuring extra periods in the Grizzles-Thunder series, the players are probably pooped (the power forwards could use a power nap) and the beat writers must be beat. Trainers have changed the coolers from dispensing Gatorade to 5-Hour Energy.
I can has Hornets? The Bobcats ended their playoff history without a win, using up almost all of their nine lives, by going 0-8 in postseason games over a dreadful decade (avoiding using up all of their nine playoff lives by a whisker). That sad stat lets us lol at these cats one last time.
Missing inaction: What do Donald Sterling and Roy Hibbert have in common? Neither are able to show up for playoff games these days.
United Center they fall: The Bulls lost all three games at home in their 4-1 series defeat to the Wizards. The last thing in Chicago that got dumped so distinctly was the Cubs commemorative cake.
Hear today, gone tomorrow: This week, it was revealed the reason Warriors assistant Darren Erman was fired April 5 was for what we'll call "pulling a V. Stiviano:" recording private conversations without permission. He taped talks of players and coaches for a span of three weeks. His plea to keep his job in Golden State fell on deaf ears. However, he was hired Tuesday by the Celtics, who we assume appreciate his exceptional listening skills.
I can has Hornets? The Bobcats ended their playoff history without a win, using up almost all of their nine lives, by going 0-8 in postseason games over a dreadful decade (avoiding using up all of their nine playoff lives by a whisker). That sad stat lets us lol at these cats one last time.
Missing inaction: What do Donald Sterling and Roy Hibbert have in common? Neither are able to show up for playoff games these days.
United Center they fall: The Bulls lost all three games at home in their 4-1 series defeat to the Wizards. The last thing in Chicago that got dumped so distinctly was the Cubs commemorative cake.
Hear today, gone tomorrow: This week, it was revealed the reason Warriors assistant Darren Erman was fired April 5 was for what we'll call "pulling a V. Stiviano:" recording private conversations without permission. He taped talks of players and coaches for a span of three weeks. His plea to keep his job in Golden State fell on deaf ears. However, he was hired Tuesday by the Celtics, who we assume appreciate his exceptional listening skills.
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