Pricking Rose

There's one Bull that causes us to see red. That would be, Derrick Rose, who in our bloodshot eyes is the NBA's most overrated player. Rose managed to take the title away from Brandon Roy, adding insult to injury for the Portland player, but at least the award has passed from one point guard to another. It's quite an honor, though not the accolade many in the media are bestowing upon you, mentioning you in the MVP discussion at mid-season, which is preposterous.

Rose isn't even a top-five player at his position. He just receives more press than his superior peers by virtue of being in the third-largest market in the country. The adidas ad campaign has worked wonders (who wouldn't want a lady pyramid?). Rose has pulled a "fast" one on media members, who are easily convinced that they need to pick a new PG to praise endlessly each year. Previously, it's been Roy, Deron Williams, and Chris Paul that hoops journalists have fallen for, but the collective crush on Rose is entering stalker territory. Paul and Williams are better defenders and passers. Tony Parker is better at driving the lane. Rajon Rondo and Jason Kidd are better rebounders. Chauncey Billups is smarter. Raymond Felton is having a better season. John Wall has more raw talent and is more selfless. Russell Westbrook has a higher ceiling. Rose barely cracks the top ten. He's far from number one at the one.

Last week, Rose revealed he has two ulcers. What makes our stomachs turn is when we hear media figures declare him the front-runner for MVP. He's not even the player at his position who is the most responsible for his team's success (that would be Tony Parker). Nobody wants to laud LeBron anymore -- partially due to "The Decision" and partially because he's earned the MVP in each of the past two seasons -- but he should be in the lead again, with the duo of dominant big men, Howard and Stoudemire, trailing closely. Or maybe basketball writers have forgotten about LeBron because he hasn't had a new sneaker commercial lately. The point being, those most bullish on Rose are mostly full of bull (see: Wilbon, Michael and Reilly, Rick).

If what Brett Michaels sang is true, that "every rose has its thorn," (and we generally take men in bandannas at their word) then we are the thorn in Derrick Rose's side. Perhaps we're what's actually causing him stomach pains. At any rate, we're definitely not seeing the MVP race through Rose-colored glasses.

Miller Lite

Like a low-calorie beer, Mike Miller hasn't been filling -- up the stat sheet. That means, also like a light beer, Miller's been unsatisfying. Miller has returned to the Heat, but to little fanfare and even less impact. Through 12 games, he's averaging 4 points in 14 minutes, but connecting on only 37 percent of his shots, 34% on 3's -- his supposed specialty -- and a sub-standard 60% on free throws. Those are lousy numbers for a player whose was brought in solely to shoot effectively, to spread the floor with his range and make defenses pay for double-teaming one of his more famous teammates. Last night (a loss to the resurgent Knicks) was no exception. In 21 minutes, Miller was scoreless, going 0-3 from the floor. His absence due to injury isn't an excuse for his horrid stats. It's not like a shooter needs conditioning or to get back in game shape to start putting the ball in the basket.

This summer, the Heat were presented like they were a blockbuster movie: Bosh, James and Wade, were the leads and Miller was billed as the stand-out member of the supporting cast, but his role has been reduced to that of an extra. The way Mike Miller was talked about while he was out -- that he'd be a cure-all for Miami's early struggles (which they've since overcome with his help) -- you'd have thought he was Reggie Miller. The reality is that Mike Miller has a long history of being overrated. He's the worst player to win Rookie of the Year in the 00s. It's foolish to think a player who's averaged 9 points-per-game in the playoffs and whose teams have never made it past the first round could be the difference between winning a championship or not.

Fortunately, another player with a local college connections, James Jones, (Miller went to Florida and was both teammates and roommates with the true glue guy on the Heat, Udonis Haslem, who might be back in action by March, while Jones attended the U) has filled the void, ranking 14th in the league in threes made this season. With Mario Chalmers inserted into the starting lineup, the Heat are in serious need of point production from the bench, but so far, Miller's been a bigger dud than David Hasslehoff's reality show.

What Can Brown Do For You?

There was no Christmas bonus for Larry Brown. In fact, his stocking was stuffed with a pink slip. Over the holidays, Bobcats owner and noted tongue sticker-outer Michael Jordan parted ways with his Hall of Fame coach and fellow North Carolina alum, making the most itinerant coach in the league a free agent. Erik Spoelstra just started sweating profusely.

The question isn't why Brown left, since his stays are always short and the Bobcats are bad, but who Jordan will bring in to succeed him -- because you don't replace a HOF coach (Hubie Brown doesn't want that kind of headache; Memphis was enough of a migraine). At least temporarily, Paul Silas gets a second go-round with a Charlotte-based team, but what, exactly, is Jordan's long-term plan? He already bungled the departure of one other Tar Heel, Raymond Felton, who left as a free agent, is having the best statistical season of his career and couldn't be happier throwing lob passes to A'mare. Brown's whiny and wishy-washy ways can wear on a team, but keep in mind this is a man who managed to lead the Clippers to the playoffs, a feat amazing enough to qualify him for basketball sainthood. Does Jordan have intentions of stepping out of the owner's box and onto the sidelines a la Pat Riley? Or did Jordan really believe that Brown underachieved with a ragtag roster of players who seem more suited to rounding out a D-League squad? No coach has a better track record of converting losers into winners. Not even Emilio Estevez in The Mighty Ducks.

We don't see the Bobcats luring a coach anywhere near as accomplished and established, especially since they haven't even convinced a top-flight player to settle in Charlotte. Sure, the the Mike Browns of the world are available, but he still has much to prove (namely, 1. can he win games without LeBron? 2. can he wear the same pair of glasses more than once?) and is he any better than Paul Silas? The Bobcats couldn't afford to downgrade at another position.

Maybe Brown wasn't forced out, maybe he asked out. Even though he's not suiting up - as far as we know - Jordan is the indisputable face and leader of the franchise (even more so now), but currently this team is more painful to watch than his Hanes commercials.* We hope Jordan realizes that changing coaches isn't comparable to changing underwear (for starters, coaches seldom come in three-packs).

*Don't you sully the good name of bacon by using it to describe a wrinkled shirt collar.