Heat's New Flame

Erik Spoelstra had a hot date to a recent charity event, who happens to be a former dancer for the team he coaches. Although the fresh-faced Filipino-American Spoelstra is among the youngest at his position in the league, the damsel draped on his arm is the inverse of his age. Nikki Sapp isn't a sapling, but there are about as many rings on her tree trunk as Spoelstra has on his fingers. However, there's no reason to dance around the subject, since Sapp stopped shimmying before Spoelstra took over in 2008.

Sapp's website lists her current occupation as "Art Gallerista Extraordinaire," which might explain why the secretive Spoelstra was drawn to her, although details remain sketchy. We don't know if Spoelstra cares about the work of Basquiat as much as he does the work of Battier*, but we can't brush off that sweetheart Sapp might be Spoelstra's source of inspiration in supervising Heat's superb 20-game winning streak. Miami's needs to string together four more victories to equal Sapp's age. We'd Bank(sy) on the Heat that exceeding that number.

*do champs have time for Duchamp?

Thunder Clothes It Out

The Spurs calamitous collapse, capped by blowing a 15-point halftime lead last night, was ugly. Russell Westbrook's wardrobe ugly. Despite being down 0-2, the Thunder didn't panic; they kept their shirt on, which was the composed and correct choice, except when it comes to what Westbrook wears in the post-game press conferences. In the end, the Thunder demolished the Spurs in the same manner that Shaq destroyed a Charles Barkley pinata : thoroughly, unexpectedly, live and bare-handed*. Heck, the Thunder are so young, they probably celebrated with candy afterwards. They showed they have the stuff(ing) champions are made of.

The Heat's coach will employ a new Spoelstrategy of playing Chris Bosh instead of not doing so. Bosh logged 14 productive minutes in his first game back from injury, tallying 9 points and 7 rebounds, but remained on the bench throughout the fourth quarter. With rumors that all members of the team other than LeBron will be on the trading block should the Heat fail to reach the finals, Spoelstra should use him before he loses him. To use Spoelstra's word, it might not be "fair" to expect big things from Bosh in big moments yet, but for two seasons the expectations haven't been fair for the anyone on the Heat. Bottom line: Don't quash Bosh.

*Thankfully without the face-biting and throat-tearing.

What Can Brown Do For You?

There was no Christmas bonus for Larry Brown. In fact, his stocking was stuffed with a pink slip. Over the holidays, Bobcats owner and noted tongue sticker-outer Michael Jordan parted ways with his Hall of Fame coach and fellow North Carolina alum, making the most itinerant coach in the league a free agent. Erik Spoelstra just started sweating profusely.

The question isn't why Brown left, since his stays are always short and the Bobcats are bad, but who Jordan will bring in to succeed him -- because you don't replace a HOF coach (Hubie Brown doesn't want that kind of headache; Memphis was enough of a migraine). At least temporarily, Paul Silas gets a second go-round with a Charlotte-based team, but what, exactly, is Jordan's long-term plan? He already bungled the departure of one other Tar Heel, Raymond Felton, who left as a free agent, is having the best statistical season of his career and couldn't be happier throwing lob passes to A'mare. Brown's whiny and wishy-washy ways can wear on a team, but keep in mind this is a man who managed to lead the Clippers to the playoffs, a feat amazing enough to qualify him for basketball sainthood. Does Jordan have intentions of stepping out of the owner's box and onto the sidelines a la Pat Riley? Or did Jordan really believe that Brown underachieved with a ragtag roster of players who seem more suited to rounding out a D-League squad? No coach has a better track record of converting losers into winners. Not even Emilio Estevez in The Mighty Ducks.

We don't see the Bobcats luring a coach anywhere near as accomplished and established, especially since they haven't even convinced a top-flight player to settle in Charlotte. Sure, the the Mike Browns of the world are available, but he still has much to prove (namely, 1. can he win games without LeBron? 2. can he wear the same pair of glasses more than once?) and is he any better than Paul Silas? The Bobcats couldn't afford to downgrade at another position.

Maybe Brown wasn't forced out, maybe he asked out. Even though he's not suiting up - as far as we know - Jordan is the indisputable face and leader of the franchise (even more so now), but currently this team is more painful to watch than his Hanes commercials.* We hope Jordan realizes that changing coaches isn't comparable to changing underwear (for starters, coaches seldom come in three-packs).

*Don't you sully the good name of bacon by using it to describe a wrinkled shirt collar.