Outspoken

Until yesterday, the most fascinating fact about 12-year transient center Jason Collins was that he had a twin brother, Jarron, who also played professional basketball. Not anymore. On Tuesday, Collins became the first male athlete in one of the four major sports to disclose that he is gay prior to retiring, in an articulate, assured essay he wrote for Sports Illustrated that will be the magazine's cover story.

Now that Collins has come out, he's received an outpouring of support. The athletic director at Collins' alma mater, Stanford, and the owner of the Washington Wizards, the team Collins most recently played for, applauded the admission. Players ranging from rookie Bradley Beal to 15-time All-Star Kobe Bryant to his aptly named ex-teammate Rudy Gay offered words of encouragement*. Warriors President Rick Welts, who came out in 2011, praised Collins, as did the sitting U.S. President, Barack Obama, along with former POTUS Bill Clinton. Almost all who shared sentiments stood by Collins. Shane Battier suggested Collins' sexuality, like his skin color, shouldn't matter. "Whether he is straight, gay, black, white, from Earth, or from Mars is immaterial," was Battier's down-to-Earth attitude. He's correct. The Association has already accepted a Martian: Dennis Rodman.

Collins career might have come to a close and it doesn't have to do him with coming out of the closet. His contract is up and he's 34. He has been on a half-dozen teams and was traded in season this year. His twin's time ended two seasons ago. He played in only 38 games in 2012-13, averaging one point and one-and-a-half rebounds in 10 minutes, which is not far off his underwhelming career averages of 3.6 ppg and 3.8 rpg. Even if his stats stood out, Collins' contributions on the court would be nothing next to those he has made - and will make - to the gay rights movement. Those are immeasurable.

*"Home of the free because of the brave," Gay tweeted, making us wonder if hooping in Canada has caused Gay to forget the lyrics to "The Star-Spangled Banner."

InNate Ability

Here's what you missed while attending Michael Jordan's wedding:

A pair of players proved you don't have to be large to be in charge. Stephen Curry scored 22 in the third Sunday, 19 in a span of less than four-and-a-half minutes, shaking off a sore ankle and Denver defenders, in a Warriors win. Nate Robinson was one better the day before, posting 23 in the fourth, a point shy of MJ's franchise mark, during the Bulls triple-overtime victory. Robinson has been involved in some of the season's most incredible contests; scoring 14 to halt the Heat's streak in March, then 35 earlier in April to knock off the Knicks run. He finished with 34 in the game of the year. Despite his diminutiveness, no one will dare short-change him as a game-changer. "I always think I'm on fire, kind of like the old school game NBA Jam," Robinson explained. Coincidentally, Robinson is doing exactly what that arcade hit did in the '90s: dominating quarters.


Sweeps is underway in television and in The Association. The Heat were the holders of the regular season's best record and the second-longest winning streak in league history, while the Bucks were the only team in the postseason with a losing record, so that series had "4-0" written all over it and anyone who thought otherwise was named Brandon Jennings. He predicted Milwaukee would win in six, but we think that was probably after he the guard gulped six Old Milwaukees.

Dwight Howard exited early on Sunday, maybe so he'd be home in time to see The Simpsons, the only family more dysfunctional than the Lakers this season. Howard was ejected in the third quarter for arguing, but even he wouldn't dispute that the Spurs were the superior squad. "Obviously, it wasn't a fair fight," Gregg Popovich empathized, alluding to the Lakers being two Steves and a snake/Twitter tactician short. Like Jones-Sonnen, it wasn't a fight at all. The last time the Lakers went winless in the first round was 1967. In other words, they hadn't hit bottom since bell-bottoms. The difference being the jeans flared out, whereas this year's Lakers flared up.

The Rockets Patrick Beverley will always remember his first career start - unfortunately, so will every single Thunder fan. On Wednesday, Beverley logged 16 points, 12 rebounds and 6 assists, and did more damage than he ever intended, injuring Russell Westbrook lunging for a steal while Westbrook was calling timeout. Westbrook had appeared in 439 consecutive games and never missed one in his five-year career until Saturday, when he had surgery on his right knee that will sideline him until next season. Beverley, who received death threats from a Thunder ball boy, is now a lightning rod because he didn't just inadvertently hurt Westbrook, but also Oklahoma City's championship chances. All basketball buffs, not only Oklahomans, hope Westbrook gets well soon(er).

Macaroon Five

Metta World Peace is always willing to field questions and it appears he had Mrs. Fields on his mind when addressing Spurs coach Gregg Popovich's prowess. "I just know he draws up plays where he could have five old ladies after they eat 14 boxes of chocolate chip cookies. He'll put them on the court, and they'll win. That's how good Popovich is*," Peace praised. We agree. Heck, Popovich could probably do it using oatmeal raisin (gotta make sure those grannies are getting enough fiber). The key ingredient is shortening, which is also what the Spurs are doing to the Lakers postseason.

*We hope Pop baked an extra special batch for Tim Duncan's 37th birthday yesterday.

Bring in 'da Funke

Unlike most people, Cavaliers Dan Gilbert would like to put the past in front of him. On the sidelines, specifically. Cleveland has rehired Mike Brown to be their coach. Brown, downsized in 2010, is trying the job on for size again. He returned for second stint on Tuesday, agreeing to a five-year contract. "To me, it just fits perfect like a puzzle," gauged Gilbert*, whose team has been trying to pick up the pieces since Brown's dismissal. What's puzzling is why Brown was let go in the first place. Cleveland made the playoffs in all five season Brown was at the helm. Three losing seasons in a row were enough to prompt Gilbert to rejigger the jigsaw.

Maybe after Brown's new deal ends, he'll rejoin the Lakers for five more games. Or, perhaps LeBron James, in a remorseful "Re-Decision," will come back his old club in 2014. That's about as plausible the cast of cult comedy Arrested Development reuniting seven years later to produce new episodes. Wait, that's happening next month? We're Gob-smacked. We guess you can never say "never" (but feel free to say "never nude" as much as you'd like).

*If said puzzle was given up on, taken apart and then forgotten for several years.

Pointer Taken

These first four days of the playoffs have found us busy trying to track down the lesser-known Tesh brother, Dave, so we could collaborate on a new network jingle. Before anyone rashly reaches for the miniature hammers and gasoline, here's a breakdown of the ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-basketball so far by the numbers:

1 Injuries suffered by an All-Star and team captain after David Lee tore his hip flexor Saturday. Lee is out for the remainder of the playoffs.

1 Injuries suffered by TNT's studio stars after Shaq pulled a muscle walking to the desk on Tuesday. He then slammed on the set's hoop to show he wasn't hurt - and then probably put an Icy Hot patch on the area afterwards.

2 Game winners, both by point guards: Denver's Andre Miller, who confessed he's never hit one at any level, and L.A.'s Chris Paul, who nonchalantly noted, "I looked up at the clock and thought I better get a shot off."

3+ Months since the Nuggets last lost at home, prior to Tuesday's defeat. Denver's previous setback, one of only three at the Pepsi Center all season, was January 18.

3,17 Baskets made, compared to free throws made, by Paul George, out of 13 and 18 attempts, respectively. George finished with a triple-double: 23 points, 11 rebounds and 12 assists. Most Improved, indeed.

64.6 Field goal percentage the Warriors shot in their game 2 win, including 56% on three-pointers, the highest in a postseason game since 1991, which predates rookie Harrison Barnes' (9-14 for 24 points) birth.

23 Total points the Celtics in the second half Tuesday, two fewer than they tallied after halftime in Sunday's loss. The Knicks nearly tripled the Celtics production in the third quarter last night, outscoring them 32-11.

Incalculable Lazy jokes made about the Rockets "rolling over" or "dogging it" in light of the Thunder's halftime entertainment during a 29-point rout. Our advice: Houston should just setter that game aside

What Even a Doc Can't Heal

According to an overused analogy, the 82-game season, which spans six months, is a marathon, not a sprint. Consider that comparison cruel in New England, where the word "marathon" has been forever marred in Boston after the atrocious attack that occurred during the city's most celebrated competition. In the aftermath of the bloody bombing at the Boston Marathon on Monday, the association took the appropriate action of canceling the Celtics home game scheduled for Tuesday. However, the league should have gone one step further and eliminated Wednesday's contest from the calendar as well, which was the Celtics last match before the playoffs start on Saturday. A one-day mourning period isn't long or respectful enough. The NBA regular season is unlike the renowned race: there was no reason to finish.

There's something a bit abnormal about attempting to get back to normal immediately. Life shouldn't stop, but it should take a prolonged pause. Instead, the Celtics, whose seeding was already set, were forced to leave and grieve on a jet plane and trudge to Toronto, where their 24-point defeat to the Raptors was just as irrelevant as the Raptors have been in 2013 (and really since '08). The Celtics didn't throw in the towel - they were too busy using it to dab their damp eyes. Their bodies were in Canada, but their minds never made it across the border, while their hearts, like those of all Americans, were with the 179 victims. In times of tragedy, sports can provide a reprieve from the repulsive reality, but not when that tragedy has transpired at another, higher profile sporting event. A different athletics cliche claims, "Every game counts." That ceases to apply when there's a body count.

Put It On His Tabby

Metta World Peace often leaves people to wonder what he meant. Even more so when he quoted a one-hit wonder. Asked after Tuesday's win how he managed to play only a dozen days removed knee surgery, he kept repeating, "I'm too sexy for my cat," a lyric from the 22-year-old tune, "I'm Too Sexy."* No one in their right mind recites Right Said Fred, which explains why World Peace did. Since reporters didn't catch the reference, his strange shout-out to the song wasn't so (rico) suave.

Meanwhile, teammate Kobe Bryant was feline frisky Wednesday, scratching and clawing his way to 47 points in 48 minutes for a victory to cat-apult the L.A. ahead of Utah. He hopes the Lakers aren't too sexy for the playoffs because missing them would be considered a cat-astrophe.

*Peace was topless while answering questions, thus confirming that he's also too sexy for his shirt.

Birthday Pinch

No one was on watch when Chris Bosh left his house last week; consequently, someone left with his watches. Bosh was out attending his 29th birthday bash - which involved live camels*, belly dancers and fire eaters (no word whether the third entertainer was actually Chris Andersen taking a tiki torch to his tongue) - when his place was plundered. A dozen timepieces, worth an estimated $300K, were taken. That's enough to send someone into G-Shock.

In total, approximately $479,000 worth of jewelry, handbags and cash were stolen from his closet, although Bosh's championship ring was spared. There were people in the abode at the time, two babysitters caring for Bosh's children, so the alarms weren't activated. This, in addition to no indications of forced entry and how the contents were carefully combed through, leads law enforcement to suspect it was an inside job. The thief made it seem simple: Walk in to the walk-in, then walk out.

All told, it wasn't a happy birthday for Bosh, unless he was given about a half-million dollars worth of presents at his party. If so, he'd have at least broken even after the break-in.

*and here we thought the Heat had gotten over the hump already.

'Do As They Say

It's fair to say that Iman Shumpert is "all in" for Adidas*, since he shaved the sportswear seller's symbol into the back of his head. The Association, which doesn't allow other companies' logos to be displayed anywhere besides sneakers, told him to cut it out, figuratively, and he obliged, literally. On Friday, it was fresh and visible, but by Sunday (adi)zero of it remained. The matter quickly became a case of hair today, gone tomorrow.

Because the league's front office got bent out of shape, there's now a triangle-shaped spot missing from his mane. Regardless of if it's a right triangle, the removal doesn't look right. In the two games since he's been to the barber and back, Shumpert is a combined 0-9 from the field and hasn't score a single point^, so the rough patch isn't confined to his coiffure.

*and he even returned to action in a timely manner after tearing his ACL, unlike another endorser, who's waiting for a sign from the big man - and we don't mean Joakim Noah.

^those are the only type of New York bagels that are bad.

Four Loco

L.A. can contain crazy things better than any other city in the country (see: scientology, Gary Busey). Now it must brace for a bizarre basketball imbalance. On Sunday, the two Los Angeles squads squared off for the fourth time this season and for the first time since the team set up shop in L.A., the Clippers swept the Lakers off their shared floor. With the win, which was a franchise-best 51st, the Clippers clinched the Pacific division title, a feat they had yet to accomplish. Before, the only banner at Clippers games was sung, not hung (it was star-spangled). The victory put the Clippers 11 games in front of their long-term tormentors, who through the years have cast a shadow over them more often than Tim Burton has cast Johnny Depp*.

The red-headed step-child is doing it thanks to a red-headed, step-over-you-to-slam, does-commercials-where-he-communicates-with-himself-as-a-child: Blake Griffin. And the reversal of fortune couldn't have happened without the reversal of the trade of Chris Paul, the gold standard of point guards, who was on his way to the purple and gold two years ago, before his Buss route was suspended by the commissioner. The natural-born leader and the natural-born leaper showed there's a second shakeup in L.A. that doesn't involve late-night comedians, as Paul produced 24 points and 12 assists, while Griffin posted 24 points and 12 rebounds. "It means that we're headed in the right direction, but there was no cake, no champagne popping or anything like that in the locker room," the composed Paul commented. Despite the dearth of Dom Perignon and desserts, the Clippers are getting their just deserts - while sticking a dessert fork in the Lakers - and that has to be sweet.

*those were Dark Shadows, to be sure.

The Born Identity

This is what it sounds like when babies cry. Paul Pierce has named his newborn "Prince." The tot, who entered the world on Tuesday, is Pierce's first son and third kid overall, yet Pierce plans to propagate the royal family further, saying, "still going for five or six more." That'll be a labor of love for his wife in multiple ways. We don't know if the wee one's handle is in honor of the musician or the racket manufacturer*, but we bet he can make a racket. We wonder how long until the rugrat is referred to as "the infant formerly known as 'Prince'?"^

*We suppose there's an outside chance the lil' slugger is called Prince after the Detroit Tigers large slugger.

^Also, does Power Wheels make a "Little Red Corvette?" And do Pampers come in purple?

Girl Scouting

Mavericks owner and Shark Tank star* Mark Cuban views the NBA draft as a bear market, and he's got one Bear in mind - a Lady Bear from Baylor. Cuban is contemplating being a Brittney Griner signer. Griner, second in women's college basketball history in scoring and the all-time NCAA leader in blocked shots, is the presumptive top pick in the WNBA draft, but Cuban can see his club choosing her in the second round. "If she is the best on the board, I will take her," Cuban contended. We assume he's talking about Dallas' draft board, not his personal Pinterest one.

At the very least, Cuban pledged he'd invite her to Summer League tryouts. Cuban's an investor, investors take risks and there's no better place to make a gamble than Las Vegas. "We wouldn't be doing our job if we didn't consider everyone," Cuban claimed, which includes giving a fair shake to the fairer sex.

Is this lip service or lib service? In his comments, Cuban comes across as an equal opportunity employer. It's possible he doesn't want to miss out on talent, even if it's a player who should be addressed as "miss." With 18 career dunks to her name, the 6'8" Griner can shatter a glass backboard, so perhaps she can shatter a glass ceiling, too.

*which is sadly not a show that forces contestants into a habitat with hammerheads; instead, participants search for great white entrepreneurs, who have the gills to pay the bills.

Fifty Sent

Technically, Tuesday's Heat-Knicks game was indoors, but Carmelo Anthony spent the evening playing outside. Anthony equaled his career-high 50 points grandly gunning the Knicks to their ninth straight victory. Anthony sank seven threes, while facing only one-third of the "Big Three" of the Heat, wresting a win away, while James and Wade were resting. Anthony shot 69% from the floor, including 70% from long-distance, to help his team go the distance. Amazingly, all 18 of Anthony's baskets were from 15 feet or further away from the hoop. None of his attempts were at closer range than that, either. Anthony was so zeroed-in on putting up points that he had zeros in every other category until the third quarter, proving you can be both a hero and a zero simultaneously.

The stat line of the night belonged to Anthony, but the line of night was drolly delivered by Shane Battier, who was given the task of guarding the skilled scorer: "It's an inopportune time to announce my candidacy for defensive player of the year." At this point, we'd estimate Battier, like Anthony's favorite field goal, is a long-shot.

Eight is Enough

March Madness has mutated into April Absurdity in Los Angeles. Dwight Howard thinks the Lakers have an elite eight run in them, believing they can go undefeated in their octet of remaining games. The Lakers haven't been on schedule all season, but that didn't stop Howard from scanning the schedule and seeing a sweep. "We should win all these games," Howard assured, affirming that L.A. athletes are just as delusional as actors (which is why it makes absolute sense that Metta World Peace can call himself both*).

While on the subject of 'should,' the Lakers should have larger than a two-game difference between their total wins and losses, and should have sewn up a postseason spot weeks ago; instead, they're a half-game behind Utah for the final berth. The path to perfection is implausible because it ignores that the Lakers longest winning streak of the season was only five games and occurred months ago, back in mid-December. Furthermore, five of the upcoming contests are against opponents already in the playoffs. However, one factor in the team's favor is that if this is a last stand, it will at least be a home stand, with every game tipping off in their own arena. The Lakers may be at home, but they're far from home free. Staples slogan, "That was easy," won't be words these Staples Center occupants will be saying anytime soon.

*The Eleventh Victim thespian is currently the victim of a lateral meniscus tear

No Withholds Barred

Sunday night's battle between the Eastern and Western Conference's cream of the crop was supposed to be about who was playing. It turned out to be about who wasn't. LeBron James and Dwyane Wade were given the game off versus the Spurs and if something seems off about that, recall that on November 19, San Antonio sat Tim Duncan, Tony Parker, Manu Ginobli and Danny Green against Miami. There's no need to scratch your head as to why they were scratched from the lineup; the move was retaliatory. The Spurs were fined $250K, which is a lot of scratch, as the league established a "No Parking" prized players in prime-time precedent. The league has to level similar sanctions in this case. James and Wade were given a break, but Miami can't be.

Officially, LeBron was listed as having a hurt right hamstring and Wade a right ankle injury, but with Rory McIlroy in attendance, Erik Spoelstra might as well have written down "toothache" on the report. Maybe their tummies hurt from eating too much Easter candy*. Or perhaps they got lost during an egg hunt (so much for the buddy system). Whatever the reason given, it's as fake as the plastic grass that lines baskets during the holiday. The day before April 1, the Heat weren't fooling anyone.

*They weren't made available for comment after the contest, so not a peep(s) was heard from them.