Steve Nash, as always, is going to put his best foot forward, but this time it'll be on the pitch, not the parquet. The prototypical passer, Nash couldn't pass up an invitation to tryout for Inter Milan. The soccer squad is in the states for a week-long, eight-team international tournament and Nash will take the field today in New Jersey, the second-most Italian place in the world.
Futbol fervor is in the family for the MVP, whose papa played professionally. Nash is also a part-owner of the Vancouver Whitecaps in the MLS (we've heard they grow great grass, but we're not sure our source meant the stadium's)*. Suffice it to say, Nash is going to get a kick out of this experience.
Just 10 days ago, Kobe Bryant toured and received treatment at intracity rival club AC Milan's training facility. Between Nash, Bryant and Gasol, L.A.'s three best players have a better chance of winning a title with the Galaxy - the back-to-back defending champions - than the Lakers. After all, it's better to be the sweeper, than the swept.
*She also reported their supporters' scarves are made strictly from hemp, but Mary Jane's memory is a little hazy.
Tuesday, July 30, 2013
Monday, July 29, 2013
Kings of Le(Br)on
DJ LJ is in the house. However, he's not kicking out the jams, so much as picking them out. LeBron James is the "music curator" for the video game NBA 2K14 , slated for release on October 1. LeBron's taste in tunes is eclectic, as the genres range from the rock of The Black Keys and Imagine Dragons, to the rap of Drake and the now punctuation poor Jay Z (he's an agent of change who won't be hiring any hyphens), last year's song selector, to whatever you classify the clatter Coldplay churns out as (looks like the only jazz in the game will be Utah).
We don't know if there are any cover songs, although we do know James is also on the cover (suffice it to say, he's an instrumental part of the game). The playlist sounds promising, still we have one recommendation for roundball's royal ruler: "Down with the King" by Run-D.M.C. Who better to supply the soundtrack for the King than three guys from Queens?
We don't know if there are any cover songs, although we do know James is also on the cover (suffice it to say, he's an instrumental part of the game). The playlist sounds promising, still we have one recommendation for roundball's royal ruler: "Down with the King" by Run-D.M.C. Who better to supply the soundtrack for the King than three guys from Queens?
Friday, July 26, 2013
Free Wet Willy
Delonte West can't put his finger on why he's out of work, but we bet Gordon Hayward can. West was dismissed from Dallas for detrimental conduct before the start of last season. In an interview with Slam, West pointed his saliva-free finger at the media for maligning him, which he's concluded contributed to his canning by Cleveland and Boston. "They've made me into the Terminator," West whined. He has a point - both are known to carry firearms.
Comparing himself to the cyborg character, it's no wonder West is vowing, "I'll be back." He's has had his "Judgment Day" and is now seeking "Salvation." Although he's had at least as many chances as the films have spawned sequels, we're willing to give him another one - in the year 2029.
Comparing himself to the cyborg character, it's no wonder West is vowing, "I'll be back." He's has had his "Judgment Day" and is now seeking "Salvation." Although he's had at least as many chances as the films have spawned sequels, we're willing to give him another one - in the year 2029.
Thursday, July 25, 2013
Minnow-mum Effort
It's currently cloudy in Philadelphia - at least over the Wells Fargo Center - and the future is foggy, too. The 76ers have a new general manager, Sam Hinkie, which may explain why things seem somewhat hinky with the franchise.
They are the sole club in the Association still sans a coach. They traded their lone All-Star on draft day for a injured one-and-done collegian whose return date is unknown. In a press conference Tuesday to introduce Nerlens Noel, the only player they've added this off-season, Hinkie said he won't rush the rookie or hasten to hire a headman. Hinkie has sat still longer than Edward Snowden (who has put the 'terminal' in "interminable stay").*
This team is thinking about tanking more than an aquarium just furnished with a freight of fresh fish. Hinkie's slowness to sign a single free agent signals that this season the Sixers will sink to the bottom of the Atlantic division. In other words, Philly will likely be leagues below the rest of the league.
*the difference being that Snowden surely has acquired some duty-free goods by now.
They are the sole club in the Association still sans a coach. They traded their lone All-Star on draft day for a injured one-and-done collegian whose return date is unknown. In a press conference Tuesday to introduce Nerlens Noel, the only player they've added this off-season, Hinkie said he won't rush the rookie or hasten to hire a headman. Hinkie has sat still longer than Edward Snowden (who has put the 'terminal' in "interminable stay").*
This team is thinking about tanking more than an aquarium just furnished with a freight of fresh fish. Hinkie's slowness to sign a single free agent signals that this season the Sixers will sink to the bottom of the Atlantic division. In other words, Philly will likely be leagues below the rest of the league.
*the difference being that Snowden surely has acquired some duty-free goods by now.
Wednesday, July 24, 2013
Show and Tel Aviv
For years, Ama're Stoudemire has been a man in the middle, but in the last several off-seasons, he has been a man in the middle east. In 2010, he traveled to Israel for a week to research his Hebrew heritage. This year, he and a band of businessmen have submitted a bid to buy the basketball team Hapoel Jerusalem and he has helped coach the Canadian team at the Maccabiah Games, an event for Jewish athletes held every four years, which we're now nicknaming the "Oy-lympics".
Because of the mensch's many mitzvahs, Israel's President, Shimon Peres, said "shalom" to Stoudemire last week and personally asked him to play for the national team. Stoudemire last suited up for the stars and stripes in 2007 and was a member of the shanda squad at the 2004 Olympics, for whom bronze might as well have been bupkis.
Should Stoudemire be swayed by the schmoozing, he'd light up the scoreboard like it's a menorah (and likely get burned on defense like a candle). Even if he says "feh" to the feeler, Stoudemire will still have best "How I Spent My Summer Vacation" essay in The Association.
Because of the mensch's many mitzvahs, Israel's President, Shimon Peres, said "shalom" to Stoudemire last week and personally asked him to play for the national team. Stoudemire last suited up for the stars and stripes in 2007 and was a member of the shanda squad at the 2004 Olympics, for whom bronze might as well have been bupkis.
Should Stoudemire be swayed by the schmoozing, he'd light up the scoreboard like it's a menorah (and likely get burned on defense like a candle). Even if he says "feh" to the feeler, Stoudemire will still have best "How I Spent My Summer Vacation" essay in The Association.
Tuesday, July 23, 2013
He's Adamant(ium) About It
For most of his career, no one has been able to cover Kobe Bryant. Lately, no one can recover like him. Bryant tore his Achilles in April, but Lakers VP Jim Buss believes he'll be back by the preseason in October, meaning the heel will have healed in a superhuman six months. Given Kobe's potent regenerative powers, it's a wonder he wasn't cast as Wolverine instead of Hugh Jackman (the latter does have the acting chops to match the requisite mutton chops). But Bryant's boss could be wrong; after all, when does a Buss ever stay on schedule?
Having been shunned by Dwight Howard and shrewdly stepped back from signing Andrew Bynum, the Mavericks settled on stopgap Samuel Dalembert, who will suit up for his fifth team in as many seasons. Decks of cards at casinos have been shuffled less. Sorry for hatin' on the Haitian, but Dalembert is softer than camembert.
Talk about a dis-Funch-tional relationship. Six years after filing for divorce, Dwyane Wade and his ex-wife, Siohvaughn Funches finalized a financial settlement. Wade, who has already been paying Funches bunches of cash, $25K per month, which covers a casa and a quartet of cars, will shell out a lump sum of $5 million. That works out to one mill. per year of marriage. Who says love don't cost a thing?*
*That's the last time we listen to Jennifer Lopez and/or Nick Cannon.
Having been shunned by Dwight Howard and shrewdly stepped back from signing Andrew Bynum, the Mavericks settled on stopgap Samuel Dalembert, who will suit up for his fifth team in as many seasons. Decks of cards at casinos have been shuffled less. Sorry for hatin' on the Haitian, but Dalembert is softer than camembert.
Talk about a dis-Funch-tional relationship. Six years after filing for divorce, Dwyane Wade and his ex-wife, Siohvaughn Funches finalized a financial settlement. Wade, who has already been paying Funches bunches of cash, $25K per month, which covers a casa and a quartet of cars, will shell out a lump sum of $5 million. That works out to one mill. per year of marriage. Who says love don't cost a thing?*
*That's the last time we listen to Jennifer Lopez and/or Nick Cannon.
Friday, July 19, 2013
Send Them the Bill(ups)
After killing Blake Griffin softly on TV last month (he might've wished for a second take to take back his words on First Take), Chauncey Billups discovered he has a soft spot for the team he took to a title nine years ago (for the record, nice guys can finish first; see: Robinson, David). Traded away in 2008, Billups was content to be back in destitute Detroit, a city that officially declared itself bankrupt yesterday. It's safe - and sad - to say the wheels have fallen off in the Motor City.
Jesus Chrysler, that place needs to be saved by an almighty force (not the federal government, this time). Our idea for the municipality to make money is for Mayor Dave Bing - who by the way is in the basketball Hall of Fame - to take on the middle name "Microsoft" and schill for the search engine. In all seriousness, there is no simple solution for rescuing a region reportedly $18-20 billion in debt, so be sure your checks clear, Chauncey.
Jesus Chrysler, that place needs to be saved by an almighty force (not the federal government, this time). Our idea for the municipality to make money is for Mayor Dave Bing - who by the way is in the basketball Hall of Fame - to take on the middle name "Microsoft" and schill for the search engine. In all seriousness, there is no simple solution for rescuing a region reportedly $18-20 billion in debt, so be sure your checks clear, Chauncey.
Thursday, July 18, 2013
Charlatans in Charlotte
If Michael Jordan asks, "O brother, where art thou?," while at work, the reply will be, "Yon, in myn cushy office, which thou hast graciously bestowed upon unworthy I."* MJ has promoted his older sibling, Larry Jordan, to Director of Player Personnel, a position unoccupied since 2009, when it was held by MJ's former college roommate (his RA must've felt so slighted). Larry's prior title within the organization was the vague Director of Special Projects (we picture him making dioramas of DeSagana Diop). Maybe Jordan's bro has what it takes to fix the broken Bobcats. The Bobcats are broken, but can Michael Jordan's bro fix them? He'll need to be more hands-on than his famous family member, who tends to favor a Hanes-on approach.
It's all relatives with the Bobcats. Two previous head coaches, Bernie Bickerstaff and Paul Silas, hired sons as assistants, President of Basketball Operations Rod Higgins' lad played 44 games in parts of the last two seasons, and Associate Head Coach Patrick Ewing's boy is currently on the summer league squad. Two of "His Airness'" three offspring also have jobs with the team he owns. With that in mind and Larry now assuming a larger role, we await the appointment of Moe and Curly.
*supposing they speak in Middle English.
It's all relatives with the Bobcats. Two previous head coaches, Bernie Bickerstaff and Paul Silas, hired sons as assistants, President of Basketball Operations Rod Higgins' lad played 44 games in parts of the last two seasons, and Associate Head Coach Patrick Ewing's boy is currently on the summer league squad. Two of "His Airness'" three offspring also have jobs with the team he owns. With that in mind and Larry now assuming a larger role, we await the appointment of Moe and Curly.
*supposing they speak in Middle English.
Wednesday, July 17, 2013
Miller Plight
Less than a month ago, Mike Miller was putting on his second NBA champs cap; on Tuesday, he was putting on a brave face as a casualty of the salary cap. Fewer than four weeks have passed since Miller, in game six of the Finals, swished a shot without a shoe, yet he's been shooed from the shores of South Beach due to the stiffer luxury taxes penalties slated to start this season. Owners, like contestants on The Price is Right, really want to avoid going over the amount, even if it means letting go of players like Miller, who rained seven threes on the Thunder during game five of the 2012 Finals. From now on, the only buddies from The Heat Mike Miller might see are Sandra Bullock and Melissa McCarthy - and they'll be on the silver screen, not coming off of screens.
Miller isn't the only man who has more time for movies. The Bobcats were doubting Tyrus Thomas (now his career is in need of a resurrection), Drew wasn't Gooden enough for the Bucks* (a conclusion eight other teams had come about the vagabond veteran), and it was the end of the line for Linus Kleiza with the Raptors (maybe carrying around a blanket would bring this Linus comfort, too). If Keith Olbermann can re-surface with ESPN, these guys can catch on in new cities (that's where the sports expression "it ain't olber, 'til it's olber" originates).
*if that was Gooden's last stop, at least he owns a Wingstop.
Miller isn't the only man who has more time for movies. The Bobcats were doubting Tyrus Thomas (now his career is in need of a resurrection), Drew wasn't Gooden enough for the Bucks* (a conclusion eight other teams had come about the vagabond veteran), and it was the end of the line for Linus Kleiza with the Raptors (maybe carrying around a blanket would bring this Linus comfort, too). If Keith Olbermann can re-surface with ESPN, these guys can catch on in new cities (that's where the sports expression "it ain't olber, 'til it's olber" originates).
*if that was Gooden's last stop, at least he owns a Wingstop.
Tuesday, July 16, 2013
Leave It (Ko)be
Kobe Bryant said he won't "waste time" determining why Dwight Howard escaped from L.A. like he was Kurt Russell*. As is true of most Americans, he prefers to waste his time on Twitter. The only follow-up Bryant's interested in is from his surgeon, who cut Kobe deeply in a way Howard never could.
Speaking of Howard, the Rockets intend to employ Hakeem Olajuwon as a center mentor. Would that be a "centaur"? If so, don't play H-O-R-S-E against him, Dwight.
Although he hasn't seen action since 2009, Greg Oden is drawing interest from a few franchises, including this season's finalists, Miami and San Antonio. To obtain him, one team might have to get on bended knee, which is more than Oden can manage to do.
Derrick Rose is in Spain and feeling no pain. In Madrid advertising Adidas apparel, he told reporters his health is "100 percent" and that he'll "definitely" play in Chicago's first preseason game, the date of which hasn't been released yet. We can't wait to Rose running with the Bulls again.
*Surely, Snake Plissken would stand with the "Black Mamba."
Speaking of Howard, the Rockets intend to employ Hakeem Olajuwon as a center mentor. Would that be a "centaur"? If so, don't play H-O-R-S-E against him, Dwight.
Although he hasn't seen action since 2009, Greg Oden is drawing interest from a few franchises, including this season's finalists, Miami and San Antonio. To obtain him, one team might have to get on bended knee, which is more than Oden can manage to do.
Derrick Rose is in Spain and feeling no pain. In Madrid advertising Adidas apparel, he told reporters his health is "100 percent" and that he'll "definitely" play in Chicago's first preseason game, the date of which hasn't been released yet. We can't wait to Rose running with the Bulls again.
*Surely, Snake Plissken would stand with the "Black Mamba."
Monday, July 15, 2013
Amnestied, International
Metta World Peace wants to be a world traveler. He's out of the Lakers plans, after the L.A. decided it couldn't keep the Peace, waiving him under the amnesty provision Thursday, and he might be out of the country soon. The 14-year forward has spoken to Yao Ming about playing for the Shanghai Sharks.
China has certainly come across and cared for crazier: J.R. Smith during the lockout and Stephon Marbury, who's been balling in Beijing and burgs beyond for three seasons, collecting a championship for one club (Starbury's working towards a Ducks dynasty). Despite being cut, Peace is keeping his chin up and may need a chin strap to fulfill future plans. "I want to go to China or coach or play arena football," he chatted about his consequent calling.
So, even if Peace doesn't join the Shanghai Sharks, he could still suit up for the Jacksonville Sharks. Apparently, taking the floor - or field - with either team would mako him happy (and we wouldn't put it past him to strap on some skates for the San Jose Sharks).
*If loose cannon Rasheed Wallace can clutch a clipboard, going from pissed to Piston, there should be a spot on a staff somewhere for a slugger of sloshed Detroiters (we wish it had been Kid Rock that he cold-cocked).
China has certainly come across and cared for crazier: J.R. Smith during the lockout and Stephon Marbury, who's been balling in Beijing and burgs beyond for three seasons, collecting a championship for one club (Starbury's working towards a Ducks dynasty). Despite being cut, Peace is keeping his chin up and may need a chin strap to fulfill future plans. "I want to go to China or coach or play arena football," he chatted about his consequent calling.
So, even if Peace doesn't join the Shanghai Sharks, he could still suit up for the Jacksonville Sharks. Apparently, taking the floor - or field - with either team would mako him happy (and we wouldn't put it past him to strap on some skates for the San Jose Sharks).
*If loose cannon Rasheed Wallace can clutch a clipboard, going from pissed to Piston, there should be a spot on a staff somewhere for a slugger of sloshed Detroiters (we wish it had been Kid Rock that he cold-cocked).
Wednesday, July 10, 2013
Movable Feast
We're not calling this free agency period 'weird,' but face this fact: Will Bynum has a contract and Andrew Bynum doesn't (guess the latter hasn't been bowled over by a bid). Josh Smith is the one citizen in the country who could be convinced to move to Detroit. $54 million was motivation enough to hoof it from his hometown to the region where robots are also cops. At least someone can afford to shop at the city's initial Whole Foods (he and Matthew Stafford will have the aisles to themselves).
Meanwhile, Monta Ellis has come to the conclusion that Fried isn't good for him. That would be agent Jeff Fried, who Ellis fired today. Ellis, who opted out of his deal with the Bucks that would've paid him $11 million next season and declined a $36 million extension with Milwaukee, is unhappy with the he's received so far. Few teams remain who can provide the payday the career 19-plus-points-per-gamer is pursuing (if Ellis is in desperate need of dollars, he should head over to the nearest Taco Bell). In other words, Ellis might be on an island for awhile.
The Warriors are getting Iggy with it, completing a sign-and-trade for swingman Andre Iguodala after the Kings said "nah, nah, nah, nah" and withdrew their offer (we know, we know, that joke bombed as badly as Will Smith's After Earth). Golden State moved as quickly as Iguodala does on a fast break to get him, but had to leave Jarrett Jack and Carl Landry curbside, like they were Golden Corral grub.
Morning Star: Speaking of food, Dwight Howard made a good first impression with the first meal of the day, buying breakfast Tuesday morning for everyone eating at a Houston restaurant where he was being interviewed by a local TV station. We didn't see what Howard ordered, but we're certain he had waffles (Lakers supporters suspect he ate eggs benedict Arnold).
Meanwhile, Monta Ellis has come to the conclusion that Fried isn't good for him. That would be agent Jeff Fried, who Ellis fired today. Ellis, who opted out of his deal with the Bucks that would've paid him $11 million next season and declined a $36 million extension with Milwaukee, is unhappy with the he's received so far. Few teams remain who can provide the payday the career 19-plus-points-per-gamer is pursuing (if Ellis is in desperate need of dollars, he should head over to the nearest Taco Bell). In other words, Ellis might be on an island for awhile.
The Warriors are getting Iggy with it, completing a sign-and-trade for swingman Andre Iguodala after the Kings said "nah, nah, nah, nah" and withdrew their offer (we know, we know, that joke bombed as badly as Will Smith's After Earth). Golden State moved as quickly as Iguodala does on a fast break to get him, but had to leave Jarrett Jack and Carl Landry curbside, like they were Golden Corral grub.
Morning Star: Speaking of food, Dwight Howard made a good first impression with the first meal of the day, buying breakfast Tuesday morning for everyone eating at a Houston restaurant where he was being interviewed by a local TV station. We didn't see what Howard ordered, but we're certain he had waffles (Lakers supporters suspect he ate eggs benedict Arnold).
Tuesday, July 9, 2013
Sweathearts
The star of Thunderstruck is now lovestruck. Kevin Durant is engaged to Monica Wright, a guard for the WNBA's Minnesota Lynx. The couple in 2006 at the McDonald's High School All-American Game, so "I'm lovin' it" eventually bloomed into I'm lovin' you.
Both were the second overall selection in their draft class. However, for their careers, Durant averages 18 more points-per-game - 26.6 vs.8.6 - so he should spot her a few baskets when they play one-on-one. Although Wright stands 5'10", she still needs a step ladder to smooch her fiancee (put that on the registry), who's almost a foot taller.
Maybe now that Durant has signed with Jay-Z's agency, he's abiding by Beyonce's advice to put a ring on it. We hope that this Wright woman is the right woman for Durant.
Editor's note: We actually attempted to learn more about her, but the Lynx media guide wouldn't load; we're probably the first person who tried to view the pdf.
Both were the second overall selection in their draft class. However, for their careers, Durant averages 18 more points-per-game - 26.6 vs.8.6 - so he should spot her a few baskets when they play one-on-one. Although Wright stands 5'10", she still needs a step ladder to smooch her fiancee (put that on the registry), who's almost a foot taller.
Maybe now that Durant has signed with Jay-Z's agency, he's abiding by Beyonce's advice to put a ring on it. We hope that this Wright woman is the right woman for Durant.
Editor's note: We actually attempted to learn more about her, but the Lynx media guide wouldn't load; we're probably the first person who tried to view the pdf.
Monday, July 8, 2013
Mission: Control Center
Our apologies to Dwight Howard, you probably didn't finish your summer reading* because he took less time to decide than Jason Kidd did to receive a tech as a coach (or if you prefer a political parallel, less time than for democracy to dissolve in Egypt). Howard is headed to Houston, perhaps in part due to a persuasive pitch from actor Jim Parsons. We posit that Dr. Sheldon Cooper offered Howard his sacred spot on the sofa; we call it "The Big Man Theory."^
There was a law to Howard's motion. For his action, there was an oppositional reaction by his equals. Howard is $30 million poorer for his pick with one fewer Twitter follower and also one ticked off Turkish teammate. If the Rockets give Asik some space (in parsecs), he may come around. Howard boldly took less bucks, but will be expected to give more bang than last season.
*we did, but ours was mostly picture and flip books.
^bazinga!
There was a law to Howard's motion. For his action, there was an oppositional reaction by his equals. Howard is $30 million poorer for his pick with one fewer Twitter follower and also one ticked off Turkish teammate. If the Rockets give Asik some space (in parsecs), he may come around. Howard boldly took less bucks, but will be expected to give more bang than last season.
*we did, but ours was mostly picture and flip books.
^bazinga!
Friday, July 5, 2013
Greivis and Butthead
While we all wait for Dwight Howard to make up his mind - and you might complete your summer reading before that happens - there have been a torrent of tinier transactions, including two three-team trades. In the first, the Clippers shored up their outside shooting shortcomings, snatching J.J. Reddick from the Bucks and Jared Dudley from the Suns in exchange for one guy who wasn't getting any playing time, Eric Bledsoe and whose best days are behind him, Caron Butler. Reddick and Dudley both averaged career-bests in PPG this past season. Milwaukee received a pair of future second-round picks and not re-signing Reddick, which would've been wise since Monta Ellis opted out, signals that they'll probably overpay Brandon Jennings, so as to not lose the top three players in their backcourt (the team can't allow them all to Milwaukee away).
The Kings are staying in Sacramento, but Tyreke Evans is not. The 2009-2010 rookie of the year took a step back this year, averaging career lows in points and assists, while splitting time with Isaiah Thomas (the one with the extra vowel, not the one Knicks faithful want to disembowel). Evans was dealt to the Pelicans for Greivis Vasquez, who was third in the league in assists per game last season, a stat so sneakily surprising it should be sponsored by Ripley's Believe It or Not! (New Orleans won't grieve over the loss of Greivis because his vacancy will be filled by Jrue Holiday, fourth in APG, obtained on draft day) The Blazers received Robin Lopez, the twin whose hair is more electric than his play. Even if the big man doesn't do well in Portland, his 'do will.
With an assortment of additional acquisitions anticipated, there's no reason to let Dwight's dithering take the enjoyment out of free agency like Joey Chestnut takes it out of eating hot dogs*.
*chew, you gluttonous garbage disposal, chew
The Kings are staying in Sacramento, but Tyreke Evans is not. The 2009-2010 rookie of the year took a step back this year, averaging career lows in points and assists, while splitting time with Isaiah Thomas (the one with the extra vowel, not the one Knicks faithful want to disembowel). Evans was dealt to the Pelicans for Greivis Vasquez, who was third in the league in assists per game last season, a stat so sneakily surprising it should be sponsored by Ripley's Believe It or Not! (New Orleans won't grieve over the loss of Greivis because his vacancy will be filled by Jrue Holiday, fourth in APG, obtained on draft day) The Blazers received Robin Lopez, the twin whose hair is more electric than his play. Even if the big man doesn't do well in Portland, his 'do will.
With an assortment of additional acquisitions anticipated, there's no reason to let Dwight's dithering take the enjoyment out of free agency like Joey Chestnut takes it out of eating hot dogs*.
*chew, you gluttonous garbage disposal, chew
Wednesday, July 3, 2013
Zero Our
Rookie Shabazz Muhammad may very well by a fine addition to the Timberwolves, but his addition is far from fine. First, he couldn't calculate his actual age, which the L.A. Times learned in March was one year older than he had been claiming. This week, the 14th pick in the draft convinced us he can't correctly count.
At his introductory press conference, Muhammad said he selected the jersey number zero because, "Nobody wears zero in the league, so I might as well wear zero." That's simply naught true.
According to our computations (completed on our trusty TI-85 after we used it to type out "8008"*), 15 players last season - including fellow former Bruin Russell Westbrook and rookie of the year Damian Lillard - donned the digit. First-year pros are expected to have some struggles, but not sum struggles.
*you can take a man out of middle school, but you can't take middle school out of a man.
At his introductory press conference, Muhammad said he selected the jersey number zero because, "Nobody wears zero in the league, so I might as well wear zero." That's simply naught true.
According to our computations (completed on our trusty TI-85 after we used it to type out "8008"*), 15 players last season - including fellow former Bruin Russell Westbrook and rookie of the year Damian Lillard - donned the digit. First-year pros are expected to have some struggles, but not sum struggles.
*you can take a man out of middle school, but you can't take middle school out of a man.
Tuesday, July 2, 2013
Harvard Yard Sale
The Celtics are having a clearance. Everything old must go. Veterans were priced to move and so they did. One power broker had no problem purchasing pre-owned pros.
Days after the Celtics were left to operate without Doc, GM Danny Ainge decided to dissect the team himself (forgetting to administer anesthesia to the fans), amputating an appendage in Paul Pierce who's been a primary part of Boston for 15 years . Truth is, we thought "The Truth," who ranks first in three-pointers made, second in scoring and third in games played on the organization's all-time list, would get to retire having had one home. Instead, he was evicted, along with Kevin Garnett and Jason Terry; meaning there are three new rental properties in Brooklyn.
Unlike the inhabitants of his borough, Nets owner Mikhail Prokhorov is not a thrift shopper. He bought two big ticket items, including "The Big Ticket." The 69th wealthiest man in the world according to Forbes isn't bargain hunting - he's hunting for a championship. Spending c-notes on a couple of C's will be worth it if they win it all.
Days after the Celtics were left to operate without Doc, GM Danny Ainge decided to dissect the team himself (forgetting to administer anesthesia to the fans), amputating an appendage in Paul Pierce who's been a primary part of Boston for 15 years . Truth is, we thought "The Truth," who ranks first in three-pointers made, second in scoring and third in games played on the organization's all-time list, would get to retire having had one home. Instead, he was evicted, along with Kevin Garnett and Jason Terry; meaning there are three new rental properties in Brooklyn.
Unlike the inhabitants of his borough, Nets owner Mikhail Prokhorov is not a thrift shopper. He bought two big ticket items, including "The Big Ticket." The 69th wealthiest man in the world according to Forbes isn't bargain hunting - he's hunting for a championship. Spending c-notes on a couple of C's will be worth it if they win it all.
Monday, July 1, 2013
How(ard) Come?
Independence Days arrives a little earlier in The Association than it does in America. At the stroke of midnight Sunday, teams were free to strike deals with free agents. With Doc in Hollywood, the Clippers have found the cure for keeping Chris Paul. Houston is again going all out, like a fireworks fanatic on the fourth. Instead of a sending up a red flare, the Rockets set up red flair for the biggest one - literally and figuratively - Dwight Howard (they blasted Thomas Robinson,Carlos Delfino and Aaron Brooks right off the roster to clear cap space).
In addition to meeting with the owner, GM and coach, the posse persuading Howard included players past and present: Chandler Parsons, James Harden, Clyde Drexler and Hakeem Olajuwon in-person, Yao Ming via teleconference (Yao, who was calling from China, is so tall we're classifying him as a "Skypescraper"), and Dikembe Mutombo by means of a videotaped message (we wonder whether he wrapped with a finger-wagging warning not to sign elsewhere). All they were missing was George Zimmer to tell Howard he would like the way he looked in a Rockets uniform - he guarantees it.
If that trinity of centers didn't make Howard feel like the center of attention, no one will, although it also highlights that the Rockets, like the Lakers, have a long line of long-limbed legends. Howard plans to visit the Hawks, Mavericks, Warriors and the Lakers, so we'll see if sending choice recruiters helps him make his choice any faster. We expect this to take more time - and involve more flipping - than grilling on charcoal.
*it's unknown if Houston told Howard he would like the way he looked in a Rockets uniform and, more crucially, guaranteed it.
In addition to meeting with the owner, GM and coach, the posse persuading Howard included players past and present: Chandler Parsons, James Harden, Clyde Drexler and Hakeem Olajuwon in-person, Yao Ming via teleconference (Yao, who was calling from China, is so tall we're classifying him as a "Skypescraper"), and Dikembe Mutombo by means of a videotaped message (we wonder whether he wrapped with a finger-wagging warning not to sign elsewhere). All they were missing was George Zimmer to tell Howard he would like the way he looked in a Rockets uniform - he guarantees it.
If that trinity of centers didn't make Howard feel like the center of attention, no one will, although it also highlights that the Rockets, like the Lakers, have a long line of long-limbed legends. Howard plans to visit the Hawks, Mavericks, Warriors and the Lakers, so we'll see if sending choice recruiters helps him make his choice any faster. We expect this to take more time - and involve more flipping - than grilling on charcoal.
*it's unknown if Houston told Howard he would like the way he looked in a Rockets uniform and, more crucially, guaranteed it.
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