As a self-described "mama grizzly," Sarah Palin should be proud of how Memphis has mostly man-handled -- make that Manu-handled -- San Antonio, the team which held the best record for almost the entire regular season. Tim Duncan turned 35 during game 4 of the series and he looked like he was ready to swap basketball for shuffleboard and sneakers for slippers. The blowout that occurred was not of candles, but the Spurs. Duncan posted a paltry 6 points and 7 rebounds. He took only seven shots and had zero trips to the free throw line. He was passive to the point of being comatose. To put it in perspective, Tiago Splitter had more field goal attempts. That thought alone gives us a splitting headache. The only roster looking older than the Spurs right now is 60 Minutes. Here are more of our observations from the first round:
DeJuan Blair estimates he's lost 15-20 pounds by giving up Whataburgers and strawberry Fanta. Not to be a soda jerk, but at least in this series, the reduced fat has corresponded with reduced minutes, culminating in a DNP in last night's elimination game. The NBA: It's Fanta-tastic!
Maybe the Knicks should've played on a Broadway stage for the post-season, because, due to injuries, they were a one-man show. And we mean a lousy, Colin Quinn Long Story Short, one.
The Celtics slapped the Knicks around worse than LeBron's mom does valets.
It's a shame Pau Gasol's legs aren't made of wood because then it would be much easier for Kobe to light a fire under him.
The only person bringing the Thunder harder than Kevin Durant in OKC is Thor.
The Lakers have to be a-Paul-led by how CP3 has dominated the defending champs. Even Kobe can't contain him. The only people who look more ridiculous while guarding protect the Queen. Maybe Derek Fisher should put on a fuzzy hat. Or the Lakers should've welcomed recent chicken pox sufferer Steve Blake back sooner, while he was still infectious. We doubt Phil Jackson is above biological warfare tactics.
There's no disputing that Paul has vastly out-performed his PG peer, Derrick Rose, whose mere mention brings Michael Wilbon to an orgasm. The phenomenal passing is what separates the two. Not only is Paul more adept at it, but he's also far more inclined to do it, seeking to set up teammates first, and score second. Paul's been dropping dimes like a clumsy coin collector.
The only way to have a hotter hand than Jamal Crawford is to be a glove-less fireman. We demand a re-vote on the 6th Man award and possibly one on the Citizenship award, which went to Ron Artest, who Jason Kidd might say has done "a complete 360" in turning around his public image. Still, with two of the four announced awardsThat's a lot of Lakers bias at the ballot box. Something stinks with Lamar Odom and we don't just mean his unisex fragrance.
Dwight Howard exploded for career-tying 45 in game one and his team lost by 10. Then, he scored 8 and Orlando won by 25. It's pointless to try and figure out what this means, but maybe things are being thrown off by the team's facial hair pact, which is probably angering the sports gods, as it's only supposed to apply to hockey.
Howard is deserving of earning the Defensive POY award for the third straight season, but the fact that Tyson Chandler convinced the Mavs to try this wacky experiment with playing defense, made him a worthy runner-up. That's like persuading the cast of Jersey Shore to abstain from alcohol or at least keep their shirts on for 15 minutes.
In ads promoting exercise, First Lady Michelle Obama is encouraging kids to "play basketball for one hour a day." We'd like to point out that's 12 more minutes than an NBA game lasts (make sure Zach Randolph receives that message) and most players complain about back-to-back games.
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