Thursday, June 23, 2011

It's a Rough Draft (with sketchy talent)

Perhaps it's lethargy from the looming lockout, but we're as excited to watch this draft as we are to see a Shaq sex tape*. Everything about this year's event seems second-rate, from the athletes to the location. As a New Jersey native and with apologies to visionary mayor Cory Booker, we can safely say that nothing good happens in Newark (that could even be the city's slogan or "Newark: Better than Jersey City since 2006"). There are no assured anchors of a franchise or perennial All-Stars to be selected. Even the most well-known players all have detectable defects. The expected top pick, Kyrie Irving, played in a grand total of 11 games, making a mockery out of the phrase "college career." If his intent was never to stay beyond his freshman year, which it clearly was, then he should've chosen the more courageous path and played overseas, like Brandon Jennings and competed against other professionals. Instead, he dipped his toe in the waters of college hoops, only to injure said toe, but the microscopically small sample size isn't enough to scare away scouts, who overvalue potential as opposed to production.

The rest of the recognizable field contains flaws, too. Derrick Williams is decent, but delusional. He believes he should be the first pick because he has the most "star quality," which is ironic since most of the country hadn't heard of him until NCAA tournament time. Furthermore, he is confident that in Cleveland, he can "fill in for a big star like LeBron." Yes, and MTV's re-imagining of^ "Teen Wolf" is capable of filling in for Michael J. Fox's film. Those comments filled us with laughter and made us wonder if Williams looks at himself in a funhouse mirror. Good luck replacing a once-in-a-generation phenom. Kemba Walker is small and a scorer, who might struggle to get his shot off as a pro and will require lessons on how to set-up teammates. Jimmer Fredette is slow and suspect on defense. Enes Kanter is intriguing due to his height and experience, but because he was declared ineligible to play in college (so he studied instead), he hasn't suited up since 2009, a troubling time when Charlie Sheen was employed and Osama bin Laden was alive. There are other European candidates, but we know as much about them as we do the metric system (you could easily convince us a "Valanciunas" is a unit of measurement). Bismack Biyombo is a fascinating story (check out his basketball odyssey), but he's raw like an Anthony Weiner twit pic. We'd guess that any significant time Biyombo spends on the court next season will be in the D-League. Kenneth Faried, is also a great story, as a naitve son of Newark and a small school star, but he's a classic 'tweener who won't be a starter in the league and likely won't be called to the stage until the second round. Neither Biyombo nor Faried has received an official invite from the league to attend the draft. With so many recent coaching changes among the teams that have high picks, it's possible one will take Markieff Morris, intending to select Marcus.

Forget trade winds swirling, we don't expect so much as a light breeze (beyond swapping draft picks), considering the collective bargaining agreement expires in one week and no one knows what will become of the salary cap. The lack of wheeling and dealing will contribute to this being a less-than-appealing draft. The "sleepers" this time around will be the viewers.

*Which is not even his worst performance committed to celluloid thanks to Steel
^ By that we mean "ruination"

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