No offense to The Big Aristotle, but nothing makes us feel intellectually inferior quite like knowing that Shaq has a Ph.D. He made the successful transition from "What's Up Doc?" to doctorate (in Leadership and Education) that, discouragingly, Fu-Schnickens has yet to accomplish. He earned his diploma from Barry University, which we assume is an institution for ex-hoopsters run by Rick Barry (or, since the school is near Miami, Dave Barry). By graduation, Shaq holds the distinction of being one of a select group of people to break both backboards to mortarboards.
Chris Webber has done well in the booth as a color analyst - he seems more in his element than in the studio where he was muted by the bigger, more established personalities - but there's one word he overuses. Here's a fun game to play the next time he's on air: Every time Webber says "definitely," take a shot of alcohol*. You'll definitely be drunk by the end of the broadcast.
Dan Le Batard might've tapped into the bowels of his brain when he described the Heat's offense without Chris Bosh as "constipated." We guess he's saying Bosh makes the team go. Our solution if the struggles continue: replace the Gatorade with prune juice.
*Something stronger than Smirnoff Ice, you sissy.
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