In the second installment, we size up the shift in shooting guards:
Ray Allen (Celtics to Heat): Allen is going to sprain his ankle chasing another championship, while simultaneously re-defining what it means to be a hired gun. He had a rift with Rajon Rondo, so he took less dough and broke up the original "big three" to shoot threes in Miami. Like the clubs on South Beach, he'll be open late. A
Joe Johnson (Hawks to Nets): Johnson monetary value was so overestimated, he could as easily work at Barclays on Wall Street, as he could at the Barclays Center in Brooklyn. His super-sized salary won't be a source of shame to NYC sports fans (see: any of the Yankees). B
Lou Williams (Sixers to Hawks): The best beardless bench player in the league, Williams is like a microwave burrito: he heats up in a hurry and comes cheap (for the mid-level exception). B+
Nick Young (Clippers to Sixers): Young is a one-year rental, but with their leading scorer leaving, he'll be expected to fill up the cup like a person pouring Pabst at a party. C+
Landry Fields (Knicks to Raptors): The Raptors couldn't land Jeremy Lin, so they signed his BFF. Here's to hoping Fields can create another highbrow handshake, this time with Andrea Bargnani (maybe mime reading a Malcolm Gladwell tome, they can blink a bunch to signal this). C
Jamal Crawford (Trailblazers to Clippers): Crawford will take pressure off of Chris Paul to score and allow Chauncey Billups to play out of position less. He produces points like the American Pie people produce shitty sequels. B-
Bonuses*: Kirk Hinrich (Hawks to Bulls): He'll have to hold down the fort until Derrick Rose returns, but coming off a career-worst year (averaged 4.5 ppg fewer than in '10-'11), Hinrich might be more suited to protect a pillow fort. C-
Brandon Roy (retirement to Timberwolves): Think a comeback couldn't hurt? It can. After packing it in due to nagging knee injuries, Roy will join a new wolf pack, but there's a big risk Roy will wind up howling in pain. Incomplete - we don't think he'll complete the season
*This means we forget to include them in the previous post about point guards.
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