After All-Star

Four things we learned from All-Star weekend, besides that Charles Barkley used to stow Vaseline in his navel ("put the lotion in the bellybutton," we hear him saying, Silence of the Lambs-style):

1. It's a Paul world after all. The State Farm spokesman insured (see what we did there?) that the All-Star game was entertaining by circulating dimes like the Treasury. Paul paired 15 assists with 20 points to guide the West to its third straight win and garner MVP honors. Paul persuaded even Kobe Bryant not to pass up passing, as Bryant hoisted only one more shot (9) than he handed out helpers (8).

2. It was a showcase for two small school standouts. Rookie Damian Lillard, of Weber State (and we thought that school only produced great grills), Crunchwrapped up the Taco Bell Skills Challenge* and played the most minutes of anyone in the Rising Stars Challenge, while chipping in 18 points. Kenneth Faried, a Morehead State alum, poured in 40 points and 10 rebounds in the Team Chuck vs. Team Shaq showdown and when he stopped by the TNT set afterwards, admitted he had never before scored even 30 points in a game. Faried had a flurry of ferocious flushes in the game, more so than he managed in the Dunk Contest, although his energy and enthusiasm were evident in both. This was a chance for the non-nocturnal to appreciate Lillard and Faried in action.

3. There's nothing Kyrie Irving can't do. He was the MVP of the Rising Stars game last season and for his second stint wound up as the second-leading scorer, totaling 32 points. With his deft dribbling, he buckled Brandon Knight, bringing Knight to the floor and the crow to its feet. As if his handle wasn't impressive enough, he handled the competition in the Three-Point contest, despite being a long-shot to triumph against pure shooters such as Steve Novak and Stephen Curry. Irving synchronizes style and substance.

4. The Dunk Contest was a dud. Some delight in disparaging the event every year. We don't and even enjoy the props, but this one was sideways from the start. Firstly, the commentators weren't familiar with the contestants or the format. Even worse, a pair of participants failed to stuff successfully in the second round, bringing back bad memories of Birdman with his wings clipped in 2005. On Saturday night, another nifty nickname was wrecked. James "Flight" White should've stayed in his hangar because he dive-bombed as a rim-hanger. Finally and most unforgivably, Jeremy Evans' artistic touch went unappreciated. Evans, last year's winner, hopped over a covered canvas, which was revealed to be self-portrait of him slamming, then signed it. Somehow, fans brushed aside his brilliant brush strokes and voted for Terence Ross, who leaped over a lad it turns out is the tyke of Twitter's CEO. We smell as conspiracy. And we know just the team to investigate it: The crack CIA crew of Homeland, which is what Charles Barkley advised America on-air to watch instead of the remaining rounds. It makes sense. Since the players weren't putting on a show, viewers might as well put on Showtime.

*We expect payment for our promotion - straight Chalupas, homey.