Crunch Time?

It's too late for Kris Humphries to check himself because he already wrecked himself with his mini-marriage to Kim Kardashian (the vows were amended to "'til death to us part... or the end of daylight savings time this year, whichever.") so he might as well check others - on the ice. That's the thinking behind the Syracuse Crunch, minor league hockey team, offering the free agent a place on its roster or in its front office.*

The AHL club's press release describes Humphries as a "scorned husband" and goes on assert that his life became "a running national joke" at the expense of his ex-wife. That should be a minor penalty for roughing the remnants of his ego. You catch more flies with honey than vinegar, Crunch (or didn't the Captain teach you that^?) They assume Humphries loves hockey because he grew up in Minnesota. Stereotyping Minnesotans? As soon as they finish shopping at the Mall of America, you're going to hear from them, Crunch, in the form of a polite letter composed on Target stationary.

Still, without an NBA contract, Humphries should consider the deal. What better way to get over an ice queen than to get on the ice.

*With multiple positions open, we're thinking of submitting an application even though our understanding of hockey begins and ends with "The Mighty Ducks."
^We assume the team's name comes from a popular cereal.