Chandler Bling

Espn.com has begun ranking every NBA player, in reverse order, from 500th to first. You'd have to be more die-hard than Bruce Willis to recognize most of the 34 John Does judged so far, such as #470 Jerome Dyson, who apparently sucks as much upright as a regular Dyson. It must drive guys such as #482 Morris Almond nuts to be so low, and despite what his name suggests, gladness can't be what #466 Mickell Gladness is feeling about his pitiful place. Juwan Howard #476 has faded from "fab" to drab, while #472 Mike Bibby should put on a parachute to prevent plummeting further. At the very bottom is another name worth noting: Eddie Curry. That has to hurt, especially since his former "Baby Bulls" buddy, Tyson Chandler, just won gold at the Olympics, while the only Gold the oft-overweight Curry is grabbing is Rold Gold. Maybe Eddie can commiserate with another recently wronged Curry: Ann.

Possibly unsatisfied with the 8-carat, $4 million-dollar ring her husband gave her as a sorry-for-sleeping around gift in 2003, Vanessa Bryant has her sights set on a ring that, unlike her forgiveness, can't be bought. "I certainly would not want to be married to someone that can't win championships," Vanessa Bryant is quoted as saying, being forthcoming in a forthcoming New York magazine interview. We have one question: Do fantasy basketball championships count? If so, then Yahoo! - that's both an exclamation of elation and also the site we won them on - because once she sees our titles, it won't be long before she changes her title to Mrs. NBA (B)All Day.