On the eleventh day of Christmas, my true love* gave to me: a high-speed internet connection (because who knows what the heck to do with turtle doves). Here's what we missed while we were without the worldwide web:
1. Santa stuffed a pink slip in Avery Johnson's stocking. Despite leading the Nets to a franchise-best 11-4 record to start the season, the coach was fired two days after Christmas. We think he was ho-ho-hosed.
2. Kevin Durant got thrown out of a game for the first time in his career. He was ejected like a copy of Thunderstruck from a DVD player. The difference being that Durant made it to 41 minutes, which is way longer than anyone who's seen his movie has.
3. Kobe Bryant created a Twitter account. His first message was: "The antisocial has become social." We're glad he joined. He'll need something to do once the playoffs roll around.
4. Stephen Jackson sprained his right ankle stumbling over a server on the Knicks sideline at MSG. The injury brought new meaning to the phrase "road trip." The waitress was allegedly taking the order of Mayor Michael Bloomberg. We're guessing he didn't order a large soda.
5. Returning from surgery on his left knee that has caused him to miss the first two months of the season, Amar'e Stoudemire has a lot to learn from his new head coach. "I've never been taught defense in my whole career," the 11-year veteran said. Good thing high schoolers can't go straight to the pros like Stoudemire anymore - they need a year to take classes. We'll start preparing course materials for "Introduction to Zone^" and "Man-to-Man 101."
*and by "true love" we mean 'cutthroat cable company.'
^Rule #1: Don't zone out while studying.
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