Inspired by the Oscars, we've been busy working on a film of our own, a historical drama about the 2003 draft, Zero Darko Thirty. Much like the Academy Awards, this year's trade deadline was more stirring to squawk and speculate about than it was to sit through*. The most noteworthy move was the reunion of identical twins Marcus and Markieff Morris, who have almost identical stats this season (8.6 ppg, 4.1 rpg and 7.3 and 4.3, respectively)^. Despite the unending uneducated guesses of ESPN rumor-mongers who identify as reporters, there were no Argo-esque escapes for stars supposedly up for sale. Josh Smith is still a Beast of the Southern Wild, while Dwight Howard remains part of Les Miserables, aka the Lakers. All we know is Mike D'Antoni needs to find his Silver Linings Playbook fast, before an unchained Phil Jackson comes for him like Django.
Happy belated birthday to Charles Barkley, who we're guessing spit out the candles on his cake. We're developing a documentary on the "Round Mound of Rebound": Life of Pie.
Speaking of rebellious rebounders from the '90s, Dennis Rodman is currently in North Korea, along with three members of the Harlem Globetrotters, to promote the sport of basketball, by conducting a camp for children and competing in games against the country's best athletes. An abnormal area requires an abnormal ambassador. Rodman might've finally found a nation where insanity is appreciated.
*Sorry, we Shat(ner) all over both events.
^Although it is fun to guess what words poet J.J. Redick (15.1 ppg, 12th in total threes made) has decided rhyme with his new home city, "Milwaukee." Here's some help: thrill jockey, skill hockey and shrill walkie-talkie.
Showing posts with label darko milicic. Show all posts
Showing posts with label darko milicic. Show all posts
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
Friday, September 21, 2012
Gonzaga, But Not Forgotten
Quick quiz: What was missing from the league last season? If you answered 16 games on the schedule per squad, you are technically correct (and sort of a smart-ass). However, if you possess a keener, kookier eye for the game, you'll have noticed the league was lacking a bewhiskered, bygone Bobcats bust: Adam Morrison*. The man who looks like he makes his own trail mix has signed with the Trailblazers, after a stint in Serbia and time in Turkey. The contract is one-year for the veteran's minimum, so there's as good a chance that Morrison winds up on the roster opening day as there is that he winds up on the set of Portlandia^.
Speaking of draft disappointments, Darko Milicic, who we're now calling "Amnesty International," following his release by the Timberwolves, toyed with a European reunion before choosing the Celtics. There are Darko days ahead in Boston and we envision Kevin Garnett dressing him down so much that KG ultimately uses him as a coat rack. Milicic's presence will be petty, except when holding petticoats.
*And if you had paid even closer attention, you'd have observed that he was actually absent from the association for 2 years.
^We're sure the producers find the idea of a locally-sourced actor appealing. Morrison may not be free-range, but he's definitely long-range.
Speaking of draft disappointments, Darko Milicic, who we're now calling "Amnesty International," following his release by the Timberwolves, toyed with a European reunion before choosing the Celtics. There are Darko days ahead in Boston and we envision Kevin Garnett dressing him down so much that KG ultimately uses him as a coat rack. Milicic's presence will be petty, except when holding petticoats.
*And if you had paid even closer attention, you'd have observed that he was actually absent from the association for 2 years.
^We're sure the producers find the idea of a locally-sourced actor appealing. Morrison may not be free-range, but he's definitely long-range.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Deaf Jam
David Stern is preaching that players’ salaries have to be slashed substantially in order for the league to sustain itself. In other words, Chicken Little is screaming that the sky is falling. But his cries aren't being heard. While Stern has been publicly advocating for fiscal sanity – which he should’ve done before the free agency period if he wanted us to believe this was more than a tactic related to the collective bargaining negotiations-- teams have chosen to not just ignore that message, but openly defy it.
This week, Memphis announced it's shelling out $40 million for PG Mike Conley, while Atlanta agreed to terms with C Al Horford for $60 million. Conley averaged 12 points and 5 assists in 32 minutes per game last season. Those stats aren’t exactly eye-popping, but he’s sure to be cork-popping to toast his new deal, since the five-year contract will double his annual salary, from 4 to 8 mill. Horford nearly averaged a double-double last season, with 14 points and just under 10 boards, good enough to be named an All-Star reserve. The scoring is solid and the rebounding figure is impressive, but is he worth 12 mill. a year -- or more than twice what he's earning now? To put it in perspective, Horford will make more next season than any one of his teammates this season, except Joe Johnson, who received a max. contract.*
Both Conley and Horford are from the ’07 draft class, meaning they were only going to be restricted free agents after the year, so there should’ve been no rush to re-sign them.
In essence, these franchises are gambling that these players will continue to develop and improve, and that signing them at the start of the season will be less costly than doing so at the end, eliminating a potential bidding war against other interested squads, possibly saving them money in the long-run. However, they don't appear to be on track to turn into elite players at their positions; it's doubtful they're the next Chris Paul and Dwight Howard.
The Hawks and Grizzlies are paying for potential, which is the way the NBA has conducted business for quite some time, but if that has truly caused the league sink into dire straights financially, then it needs to stop. Desist distributing dollars to the might-be-greats. Often, players don't live up to the expectations and teams are saddled for years with bad contracts that they sometimes swap for other, equally-bad contracts. Owners and GMs need to reward results and end the practice of handing huge contracts to unproven players or one-year wonders. Being an NBA lottery pick doesn't mean you should be paid like a lottery winner, although it's not their fault that owners are willing to hand them jackpot money. Powerball and basketball payouts shouldn't be the same.
*Please note that this post contains no humor, but if you want to have a good laugh, take a look at what the Wolves voluntarily agreed to pay Darko this summer. He's responded with an average of 3.5 points on 18 percent shooting through four games. Money well-spent.
This week, Memphis announced it's shelling out $40 million for PG Mike Conley, while Atlanta agreed to terms with C Al Horford for $60 million. Conley averaged 12 points and 5 assists in 32 minutes per game last season. Those stats aren’t exactly eye-popping, but he’s sure to be cork-popping to toast his new deal, since the five-year contract will double his annual salary, from 4 to 8 mill. Horford nearly averaged a double-double last season, with 14 points and just under 10 boards, good enough to be named an All-Star reserve. The scoring is solid and the rebounding figure is impressive, but is he worth 12 mill. a year -- or more than twice what he's earning now? To put it in perspective, Horford will make more next season than any one of his teammates this season, except Joe Johnson, who received a max. contract.*
Both Conley and Horford are from the ’07 draft class, meaning they were only going to be restricted free agents after the year, so there should’ve been no rush to re-sign them.
In essence, these franchises are gambling that these players will continue to develop and improve, and that signing them at the start of the season will be less costly than doing so at the end, eliminating a potential bidding war against other interested squads, possibly saving them money in the long-run. However, they don't appear to be on track to turn into elite players at their positions; it's doubtful they're the next Chris Paul and Dwight Howard.
The Hawks and Grizzlies are paying for potential, which is the way the NBA has conducted business for quite some time, but if that has truly caused the league sink into dire straights financially, then it needs to stop. Desist distributing dollars to the might-be-greats. Often, players don't live up to the expectations and teams are saddled for years with bad contracts that they sometimes swap for other, equally-bad contracts. Owners and GMs need to reward results and end the practice of handing huge contracts to unproven players or one-year wonders. Being an NBA lottery pick doesn't mean you should be paid like a lottery winner, although it's not their fault that owners are willing to hand them jackpot money. Powerball and basketball payouts shouldn't be the same.
*Please note that this post contains no humor, but if you want to have a good laugh, take a look at what the Wolves voluntarily agreed to pay Darko this summer. He's responded with an average of 3.5 points on 18 percent shooting through four games. Money well-spent.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
T-Wolves Plan to Suck This Season
The Minnesota Timberwolves, the team of 10,000 point guards in the land of 10,000 lakes, took out a full-page ad in the Star-Tribune Monday acknowledging that any remaining fans will be in for a long and painful season, asking and then answering the question, "So will we challenge for an NBA championship this year? Not likely." At least they're supporting the local paper; they should consider placing another ad in the "Personals" section: single, mixed race team seeks supporters.
But just how unlikely is it? About as unlikely as "Donnie" Darko Milicic, who they inexplicably signed to a four-year, $20 mill. deal this off-season, becoming the league MVP. Sometimes, honesty isn't the best policy.
But just how unlikely is it? About as unlikely as "Donnie" Darko Milicic, who they inexplicably signed to a four-year, $20 mill. deal this off-season, becoming the league MVP. Sometimes, honesty isn't the best policy.
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