Two Weeks Noticed

It's going to be November to not remember in the NBA because no games will be played. The commissioner and magician-in-training is expected today to make another two weeks worth of games disappear, forfeiting a fortnight for a second time. Instead of sawing a woman in half, he's performing the trick on the schedule, but unlike the lady, we can't be assured that the regular season will be put back together. David Stern is no David Blaine. He's much closer to Gob Bluth*.

If Stern keeps removing two weeks of hoops at a time, we can put two and two together to deduce that there won't be basketball in 2011 - and likely beyond. Hocus-pocus, both sides have lost focus and soon - poof - their popularity will vanish faster than Criss Angel's.

*Maybe management should seek out the banana stand. There's always money in the banana stand.

Lakers Lose Magic Touch

Magic Johnson has sold his stake in the Lakers to a doctor. A real one, not Dr. J. Although it’s probably a plastic surgeon, since it’s L.A. With a physician as a part-owner, maybe he can work a medical miracle and Andrew Bynum will play in 10 or more games in a row without getting injured.

In addition to his trick of making the HIV in his body disappear (top that, David Blaine), Magic has been a savvy businessman in his retirement, so he likely had more on his mind with this move than just making a profit, especially since Michael Jordan has now paved the way for iconic players to own teams (even if he went to the Isiah Thomas School of Management). It became clear that the Buss family wasn’t going to budge on selling the Lakers.

Hopefully, he’ll be able to make bid for ownership of a franchise more befitting of his nickname, like the Orlando Magic or the Washington Wizards. Or he could take things a step further, and reintroduce pro hoops to the Emerald City with the alliteration-approved Seattle Sorcerers (they're crazy for coffee and consonance in that city). Whatever Magic elects to do next, it can't turn out worse than his late night talk show.