Game four at home for the Mavericks is a must-win and the key to victory could center on their big men. Dallas desperately needs Tyson Chandler to step up and backup Brendan Haywood to suit up, especially if their substitutes' shooting stays shaky. Yes, Haywood, who's averaging slightly over 3 points and 4 rebounds in the playoffs, is a side salad to a 16-oz. sirloin (it's better than being the sprig of parsley portrayed by Ian Mahinmi)*, but his presence was missed in game three. Haywood represents more than six fouls and relief for Chandler when he's winded. He can disrupt shots or at least deter James and Wade from making a beeline to the baseline as often as they have. If Haywood plays, which looks like it will be a game time decision, it allows Chandler to be more aggressive on defense, knowing a capable, veteran replacement is at the ready, should he get into foul trouble. Defense off the bench begins and ends with Haywood, since Carlisle has only allowed "the Custodian" to mop up for a minute, max (that's less time than the ball boys were seen sopping up a spilled drink on Sunday).
Chandler is limited on offense, but he must be more assertive than his 1-4 performance in game three; the Mavs can't afford for him to play Joel Anthony to a draw on offense (in 17 more minutes). The Mavs should try to get him involved early on by setting him up for some good looks from in close. Last time we checked, Jason Kidd still knew how to throw an alley-oop.
We'd advocate playing both bigs simultaneously for stretches and sliding Nowitzki to the three (or going with three guard, like Barea, Kidd and Stevenson, who's made 6-9 threes in the series, one more than Dirk). That size advantage, while slowing them down to be more susceptible to transition points, would free up space for their guards to slash to the basket and potentially help those shooters regain their confidence, and could prove stifling on defense (Miami couldn't counter this tactic, since Spoelstra isn't using Ilgauskas or Dampier, despite our earlier advice). Haywood has said he needs to be at 70 percent strength in order to play with his strained right hip flexor; if he isn't in uniform, Miami will be secretly shouting "hip, hip hooray!"
*That steak analogy is dedicated to the Dallas sports fans. And it was well-done.
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Monday, June 6, 2011
A Sight for Sore Eyes
For once, it was appropriate when Chris Bosh let loose one of his primal, Howard Dean-like screams. That's because Bosh, who at times has appeared as unsure of himself and nervous as a Michael Cera character, came through at crunch time (although it helped that LeBron set him up superbly) with a big basket. Bosh, who was born in Dallas, hit what proved to be the game-winner in a two-point victory, narrowly nixing another fourth quarter Mavs rally, which shifted the series ever-so-slightly back in Miami's favor. This after a final five-plus minutes of a dazzling duel between Dirk and Dwayne (12 and 7 straight points, respectively) that we wished would never end (Nowitzki nearly sent it to overtime).
Bosh swelled with pride, as his eye swelled with irritation, having been struck early in the game. Bosh was 2-9 at halftime, but upgraded his shooting in the second half to 5-9, becoming Bosh.0. On his heroic hoop, Bosh was wide open, even if his eyelid wasn't*. It's ironic that his shooting was dead eye following the poke to his peepers, since he entered the game shooting as if his vision was impaired, with a field goal percentage of 26 (9-34), lending credence to the belief that the Heat were two and a half men, not a trio. His jumper was like an iceberg: cold and adrift. We'll have to see whether this was a true turning point for Bosh in the series or a case of blind luck. At least for one night, Bosh had the eye of the tiger.
*You could say he was eye-solated.
Bosh swelled with pride, as his eye swelled with irritation, having been struck early in the game. Bosh was 2-9 at halftime, but upgraded his shooting in the second half to 5-9, becoming Bosh.0. On his heroic hoop, Bosh was wide open, even if his eyelid wasn't*. It's ironic that his shooting was dead eye following the poke to his peepers, since he entered the game shooting as if his vision was impaired, with a field goal percentage of 26 (9-34), lending credence to the belief that the Heat were two and a half men, not a trio. His jumper was like an iceberg: cold and adrift. We'll have to see whether this was a true turning point for Bosh in the series or a case of blind luck. At least for one night, Bosh had the eye of the tiger.
*You could say he was eye-solated.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
It's Nowitzki or Never
As the NBA Finals commence this evening, the Heat is on...for the Mavericks. The window of opportunity for aging and under-achieving Dallas was supposed to have been slammed shut, but those crafty veterans found a way to pry it back open and slink in, largely undetected -- unlike their opponent, who seemed giddy to skip the window altogether and instead kick the door down and intentionally trip the alarm system. The Mavericks blended into the background, while the Heat were the focal point of both fury and fawning, becoming a more prominent bullseye than the Target logo. When you run in an elite circle, some people are bound to paint a circle on your back. Most of the public will be pulling for the superstar who stayed in the same city that sought him out on draft day, not the one who left home for greener pastures -- or whiter beaches, if you will.
While LeBron was busy building castles in the sand, the sands of time were depleting for Dallas. Kidd, Marion, Terry, Stojakovic and Nowtizki are close to the end of the road*, but they picked up a drifter who knows defense along the way (Tyson Chandler), and Mark Cuban has decided to shut up and enjoy the ride.
Miami's nucleus is in its prime and should have many more chances to chase championships -- probably with even more robust rosters. Meanwhile, Dallas is so advanced in age that Marion's moniker, "The Matrix," is from a movie that was released a dozen years ago^. Wade knows what it takes to defeat Dallas, even down 0-2, as he did in the 2006 Finals, when having two superstars was enough to swing the series in the Heat's favor. They have the same amount now, plus an all-star. However, Wade looked worn down in the conference finals and we aren't sure Bosh, a big x factor, can be counted on in the clutch (there are reports he shrinks whenever he hears "Under Pressure" on the radio).
The Heat will win if they push the pace, halt their habit of running tons of isolation plays and don't double Dirk. It would help their cause to receive consistent contributions from Haslem and Miller, like they did against Chicago. Spoelstra should consider giving playing time to James Jones for his three-point shooting, Erick Dampier for the motivation he should have to show up his former team and Ilgauskas for his offense (since Joel Anthony doesn't provide any) to see if he can get Chandler into foul trouble.
The Mavericks will win if their streaky shooters can stay hot, while also remembering to remain aggressive and keep the defense on its toes by driving to the basket. This applies to Dirk as well, who must continue to take the ball down low and create contact, even when facing physical play from LeBron. Dallas must gang up on Wade and James, sending the pesky Barrea and Kidd to take swipes at the ball, and force Miami's role players to beat them. And don't discount Terry's desire to keep his trophy tattoo -- the pain of falling in the finals again will be second only to the pain of having his ink removed.
Don't be surprised if this "Hollywood as hell" team -- star-studded, expensive and heavily promoted -- experiences the success of a summer blockbuster, where LeBron winds up carrying a championship on the Stranger Tides of South Beach#.
*We've watched them grow from Boyz II (Old) Men
^ Admit it, you reacted with a Keanu-like "Whoa" at that realization
# Like Thor, we hammered home that metaphor
While LeBron was busy building castles in the sand, the sands of time were depleting for Dallas. Kidd, Marion, Terry, Stojakovic and Nowtizki are close to the end of the road*, but they picked up a drifter who knows defense along the way (Tyson Chandler), and Mark Cuban has decided to shut up and enjoy the ride.
Miami's nucleus is in its prime and should have many more chances to chase championships -- probably with even more robust rosters. Meanwhile, Dallas is so advanced in age that Marion's moniker, "The Matrix," is from a movie that was released a dozen years ago^. Wade knows what it takes to defeat Dallas, even down 0-2, as he did in the 2006 Finals, when having two superstars was enough to swing the series in the Heat's favor. They have the same amount now, plus an all-star. However, Wade looked worn down in the conference finals and we aren't sure Bosh, a big x factor, can be counted on in the clutch (there are reports he shrinks whenever he hears "Under Pressure" on the radio).
The Heat will win if they push the pace, halt their habit of running tons of isolation plays and don't double Dirk. It would help their cause to receive consistent contributions from Haslem and Miller, like they did against Chicago. Spoelstra should consider giving playing time to James Jones for his three-point shooting, Erick Dampier for the motivation he should have to show up his former team and Ilgauskas for his offense (since Joel Anthony doesn't provide any) to see if he can get Chandler into foul trouble.
The Mavericks will win if their streaky shooters can stay hot, while also remembering to remain aggressive and keep the defense on its toes by driving to the basket. This applies to Dirk as well, who must continue to take the ball down low and create contact, even when facing physical play from LeBron. Dallas must gang up on Wade and James, sending the pesky Barrea and Kidd to take swipes at the ball, and force Miami's role players to beat them. And don't discount Terry's desire to keep his trophy tattoo -- the pain of falling in the finals again will be second only to the pain of having his ink removed.
Don't be surprised if this "Hollywood as hell" team -- star-studded, expensive and heavily promoted -- experiences the success of a summer blockbuster, where LeBron winds up carrying a championship on the Stranger Tides of South Beach#.
*We've watched them grow from Boyz II (Old) Men
^ Admit it, you reacted with a Keanu-like "Whoa" at that realization
# Like Thor, we hammered home that metaphor
Friday, May 20, 2011
Kahn Job
Following the draft lottery, T-Wolves GM David Kahn (in this case, the GM is an acronym for general moron) is crying conspiracy. Dan Gilbert had his 14-year-old son, who suffers from a nervous disorder, represent the Cavs at the podium. And why not? He's a better face of the franchise than any of the vagabond players, and after his comic sans outburst, Gilbert has more common sense than to put himself out front. No one will boo a boy, but Kahn saw fit to blame one. That's harsher than a Minnesota winter.
Kahn floated the idea that the NBA powers that be made the ping pong balls bounce the sick kid's way to set up a storybook ending for the sympathetic, stricken figure. That theory is ill-conceived. He's just upset because he wanted the number one pick so he could draft yet another point guard. Kahn's well on his way to ruining a team like he was the valedictorian at the Isiah Thomas School of Management. The system isn't rigged. In fact, it's structured in such a way that a team can't tank the season and be assured the highest pick. At most, it's just a bit of bad luck (and really not even, when you factor in that the Cavs had a higher statistical chance of drafting first since they possessed two picks) Kahn's already plenty lucky to still have his job, considering the team has won a total of 32 games during his tenure and his dubious decision to sign/overpay Darko Milicic as a free agent, a player who wanted to leave the league.
The line of the night, "What's not to like?*," was charmingly uttered by Gilbert's son after being asked to describe himself by a reporter. It was intended to be rhetorical, but Kahn chose to reply and came off as jealous and petty. Kahn attacked the league's integrity, but in doing so, revealed to have none of his own. Next time, leave the howling to actual wolves.
Post-script: Kahn has since backed down from his comments, claiming he was kidding. As a joke, it was received like a Leno one -- no one's laughing.
*If this turns out to be a conspiracy, look for that phrase to become the NBA's slogan next season. And watch for Nick Gilbert to land an internship with Ernst & Young.
Kahn floated the idea that the NBA powers that be made the ping pong balls bounce the sick kid's way to set up a storybook ending for the sympathetic, stricken figure. That theory is ill-conceived. He's just upset because he wanted the number one pick so he could draft yet another point guard. Kahn's well on his way to ruining a team like he was the valedictorian at the Isiah Thomas School of Management. The system isn't rigged. In fact, it's structured in such a way that a team can't tank the season and be assured the highest pick. At most, it's just a bit of bad luck (and really not even, when you factor in that the Cavs had a higher statistical chance of drafting first since they possessed two picks) Kahn's already plenty lucky to still have his job, considering the team has won a total of 32 games during his tenure and his dubious decision to sign/overpay Darko Milicic as a free agent, a player who wanted to leave the league.
The line of the night, "What's not to like?*," was charmingly uttered by Gilbert's son after being asked to describe himself by a reporter. It was intended to be rhetorical, but Kahn chose to reply and came off as jealous and petty. Kahn attacked the league's integrity, but in doing so, revealed to have none of his own. Next time, leave the howling to actual wolves.
Post-script: Kahn has since backed down from his comments, claiming he was kidding. As a joke, it was received like a Leno one -- no one's laughing.
*If this turns out to be a conspiracy, look for that phrase to become the NBA's slogan next season. And watch for Nick Gilbert to land an internship with Ernst & Young.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
(Ger)Man on a Mission
This postseason, Dallas has been dominant due to the downright reDirkculous performance of its often overlooked superstar. Nowitzki knows his legacy is on the line and he's playing like a person possessed. He discussed his determination on the eve of the playoffs, saying a month ago, "We're playing for a championship. That's really the only goal. If we don't win a championship, it's another disappointing season." After absolutely demolishing the two-time defending champs, who managed to be worse to watch than Lamar Odom's reality show, a title is a distinct possibility for the first time since 2006. And this Mavs team is much better than the one Nowitzki last led to the Finals.
Naturally, next to nobody thought that was true heading into the playoffs, when Portland was the popular pick to upset Dallas. A first-round flame-out, not a foray to the Finals, was more likely, given the Mavs' recent history. Pushing past pesky Portland, still the lower seed, wasn't going to convince the critics, so Dallas had much to prove against L.A. Theoretically, the Lakers length and frontcourt size should've given Dallas problems, even though the Mavs finally had a legitimate center, Tyson Chandler, patrolling the paint. The thinking was that, even though the squads had never met in the playoffs, Kobe and Dirk could cancel each other out, but Bynum and Gasol would be the difference. Instead, the Dallas bench, which didn't boast the Sixth Man of the Year, had a three-for-all, that is when they weren't slicing through the lane at will. The bench was nothing short of Terry-ific, bolstered by Barea, a guard who wasn't going to be in their rotation (Beaubois, who's been demoted to "inactive", has given them bupkis). The J's -- both Jasons (Terry and Kidd) and J.J. -- hit their jays. Whether a finance fiasco was at the heart of it or not, the Lakers chemistry turned out to be combustible. The Lakers quit before Phil Jackson did. For once, it was the Mavs' opponent being openly questioned as soft and displaying a disinterest in defense, not them. Oddly, the Lakers looked worn down and distracted, while the Mavs -- who also have several key players in their 30's -- appeared fresh and focused. Their reward for the sweep was 11 days of rest.
Would that much time off while Dallas was on a roll make them rusty? Dirk answered that question last night with a demonstrative "No" by scoring 48 points, missing only three field goals in the process, while going a perfect 24-for-24 from the free throw line to establish a new NBA playoff record. Perhaps the most amazing part of the extraordinary effort was that he didn't force a single shot, which is more than can be said of several stars during these playoffs (see: Derrick Rose and Russell Westbrook). Nowitzki smartly passed when he was doubled. He was aggressive when the situation called for it and drove to the basket instead of depending only on fadeaways.
Heads were both shaken and scratched last week when coach Rick Carlisle declared Dirk a top ten player in league history. Some see that statement as dubious, but Dirk belongs in the discussion. His stroke is sweeter than black forest cake. His touch is more magical than E.T.'s. He's the best tall, blonde, long-legged German to grace the states since Heidi Klum. His Deutsche bank shot is money. A championship would initiate that conversation in more circles. No one is more aware of that than Dirk, whose scoring has spiked, up 5.5 points from his regular season average. His game has always been distinct, now his desire is, too. We've doubted him and dismissed Dallas for the last time.
Naturally, next to nobody thought that was true heading into the playoffs, when Portland was the popular pick to upset Dallas. A first-round flame-out, not a foray to the Finals, was more likely, given the Mavs' recent history. Pushing past pesky Portland, still the lower seed, wasn't going to convince the critics, so Dallas had much to prove against L.A. Theoretically, the Lakers length and frontcourt size should've given Dallas problems, even though the Mavs finally had a legitimate center, Tyson Chandler, patrolling the paint. The thinking was that, even though the squads had never met in the playoffs, Kobe and Dirk could cancel each other out, but Bynum and Gasol would be the difference. Instead, the Dallas bench, which didn't boast the Sixth Man of the Year, had a three-for-all, that is when they weren't slicing through the lane at will. The bench was nothing short of Terry-ific, bolstered by Barea, a guard who wasn't going to be in their rotation (Beaubois, who's been demoted to "inactive", has given them bupkis). The J's -- both Jasons (Terry and Kidd) and J.J. -- hit their jays. Whether a finance fiasco was at the heart of it or not, the Lakers chemistry turned out to be combustible. The Lakers quit before Phil Jackson did. For once, it was the Mavs' opponent being openly questioned as soft and displaying a disinterest in defense, not them. Oddly, the Lakers looked worn down and distracted, while the Mavs -- who also have several key players in their 30's -- appeared fresh and focused. Their reward for the sweep was 11 days of rest.
Would that much time off while Dallas was on a roll make them rusty? Dirk answered that question last night with a demonstrative "No" by scoring 48 points, missing only three field goals in the process, while going a perfect 24-for-24 from the free throw line to establish a new NBA playoff record. Perhaps the most amazing part of the extraordinary effort was that he didn't force a single shot, which is more than can be said of several stars during these playoffs (see: Derrick Rose and Russell Westbrook). Nowitzki smartly passed when he was doubled. He was aggressive when the situation called for it and drove to the basket instead of depending only on fadeaways.
Heads were both shaken and scratched last week when coach Rick Carlisle declared Dirk a top ten player in league history. Some see that statement as dubious, but Dirk belongs in the discussion. His stroke is sweeter than black forest cake. His touch is more magical than E.T.'s. He's the best tall, blonde, long-legged German to grace the states since Heidi Klum. His Deutsche bank shot is money. A championship would initiate that conversation in more circles. No one is more aware of that than Dirk, whose scoring has spiked, up 5.5 points from his regular season average. His game has always been distinct, now his desire is, too. We've doubted him and dismissed Dallas for the last time.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Bear Witness to the Grizzlies
As a self-described "mama grizzly," Sarah Palin should be proud of how Memphis has mostly man-handled -- make that Manu-handled -- San Antonio, the team which held the best record for almost the entire regular season. Tim Duncan turned 35 during game 4 of the series and he looked like he was ready to swap basketball for shuffleboard and sneakers for slippers. The blowout that occurred was not of candles, but the Spurs. Duncan posted a paltry 6 points and 7 rebounds. He took only seven shots and had zero trips to the free throw line. He was passive to the point of being comatose. To put it in perspective, Tiago Splitter had more field goal attempts. That thought alone gives us a splitting headache. The only roster looking older than the Spurs right now is 60 Minutes. Here are more of our observations from the first round:
DeJuan Blair estimates he's lost 15-20 pounds by giving up Whataburgers and strawberry Fanta. Not to be a soda jerk, but at least in this series, the reduced fat has corresponded with reduced minutes, culminating in a DNP in last night's elimination game. The NBA: It's Fanta-tastic!
Maybe the Knicks should've played on a Broadway stage for the post-season, because, due to injuries, they were a one-man show. And we mean a lousy, Colin Quinn Long Story Short, one.
The Celtics slapped the Knicks around worse than LeBron's mom does valets.
It's a shame Pau Gasol's legs aren't made of wood because then it would be much easier for Kobe to light a fire under him.
The only person bringing the Thunder harder than Kevin Durant in OKC is Thor.
The Lakers have to be a-Paul-led by how CP3 has dominated the defending champs. Even Kobe can't contain him. The only people who look more ridiculous while guarding protect the Queen. Maybe Derek Fisher should put on a fuzzy hat. Or the Lakers should've welcomed recent chicken pox sufferer Steve Blake back sooner, while he was still infectious. We doubt Phil Jackson is above biological warfare tactics.
There's no disputing that Paul has vastly out-performed his PG peer, Derrick Rose, whose mere mention brings Michael Wilbon to an orgasm. The phenomenal passing is what separates the two. Not only is Paul more adept at it, but he's also far more inclined to do it, seeking to set up teammates first, and score second. Paul's been dropping dimes like a clumsy coin collector.
The only way to have a hotter hand than Jamal Crawford is to be a glove-less fireman. We demand a re-vote on the 6th Man award and possibly one on the Citizenship award, which went to Ron Artest, who Jason Kidd might say has done "a complete 360" in turning around his public image. Still, with two of the four announced awardsThat's a lot of Lakers bias at the ballot box. Something stinks with Lamar Odom and we don't just mean his unisex fragrance.
Dwight Howard exploded for career-tying 45 in game one and his team lost by 10. Then, he scored 8 and Orlando won by 25. It's pointless to try and figure out what this means, but maybe things are being thrown off by the team's facial hair pact, which is probably angering the sports gods, as it's only supposed to apply to hockey.
Howard is deserving of earning the Defensive POY award for the third straight season, but the fact that Tyson Chandler convinced the Mavs to try this wacky experiment with playing defense, made him a worthy runner-up. That's like persuading the cast of Jersey Shore to abstain from alcohol or at least keep their shirts on for 15 minutes.
In ads promoting exercise, First Lady Michelle Obama is encouraging kids to "play basketball for one hour a day." We'd like to point out that's 12 more minutes than an NBA game lasts (make sure Zach Randolph receives that message) and most players complain about back-to-back games.
DeJuan Blair estimates he's lost 15-20 pounds by giving up Whataburgers and strawberry Fanta. Not to be a soda jerk, but at least in this series, the reduced fat has corresponded with reduced minutes, culminating in a DNP in last night's elimination game. The NBA: It's Fanta-tastic!
Maybe the Knicks should've played on a Broadway stage for the post-season, because, due to injuries, they were a one-man show. And we mean a lousy, Colin Quinn Long Story Short, one.
The Celtics slapped the Knicks around worse than LeBron's mom does valets.
It's a shame Pau Gasol's legs aren't made of wood because then it would be much easier for Kobe to light a fire under him.
The only person bringing the Thunder harder than Kevin Durant in OKC is Thor.
The Lakers have to be a-Paul-led by how CP3 has dominated the defending champs. Even Kobe can't contain him. The only people who look more ridiculous while guarding protect the Queen. Maybe Derek Fisher should put on a fuzzy hat. Or the Lakers should've welcomed recent chicken pox sufferer Steve Blake back sooner, while he was still infectious. We doubt Phil Jackson is above biological warfare tactics.
There's no disputing that Paul has vastly out-performed his PG peer, Derrick Rose, whose mere mention brings Michael Wilbon to an orgasm. The phenomenal passing is what separates the two. Not only is Paul more adept at it, but he's also far more inclined to do it, seeking to set up teammates first, and score second. Paul's been dropping dimes like a clumsy coin collector.
The only way to have a hotter hand than Jamal Crawford is to be a glove-less fireman. We demand a re-vote on the 6th Man award and possibly one on the Citizenship award, which went to Ron Artest, who Jason Kidd might say has done "a complete 360" in turning around his public image. Still, with two of the four announced awardsThat's a lot of Lakers bias at the ballot box. Something stinks with Lamar Odom and we don't just mean his unisex fragrance.
Dwight Howard exploded for career-tying 45 in game one and his team lost by 10. Then, he scored 8 and Orlando won by 25. It's pointless to try and figure out what this means, but maybe things are being thrown off by the team's facial hair pact, which is probably angering the sports gods, as it's only supposed to apply to hockey.
Howard is deserving of earning the Defensive POY award for the third straight season, but the fact that Tyson Chandler convinced the Mavs to try this wacky experiment with playing defense, made him a worthy runner-up. That's like persuading the cast of Jersey Shore to abstain from alcohol or at least keep their shirts on for 15 minutes.
In ads promoting exercise, First Lady Michelle Obama is encouraging kids to "play basketball for one hour a day." We'd like to point out that's 12 more minutes than an NBA game lasts (make sure Zach Randolph receives that message) and most players complain about back-to-back games.
Monday, April 18, 2011
Passport and Shoot
Any schulub can select an All-NBA squad, so we compiled some quirkier quintets worthy of recognition.
Globall Team
PG - Tony Parker
SG - Manu Ginobli
SF - Luol Deng
PF - Dirk Nowitzki
C - Pau Gasol
Honorable Mention: Marcin Gortat, Luis Scola
Dishonorable "Darko Milicic" Mention: Hedo Turkoglu, Carlos Arroyo
Parker and Ginobli propelled the supposedly geriatric Spurs to the top of the West and pushed the pace to make this the highest-scoring San Antonio group Greg Popovich has ever coached (103.7 ppg). It wasn't just the PG who Rose to the occasion with Boozer and Noah sidelined, as Deng played in all 82 games for the first time since 06-07 and only the second time in his career, contributing to the Bulls achieving the best record in the league. Unlike Rose's year with Memphis, this one probably won't be invalidated.
Age Ain't Nothin' But a Number Team
PG - Steve Nash
SG - Ray Allen
SF - Grant Hill
C - Kurt Thomas
Honorable Mention: Andre Miller, Jason Kidd
Dishonorable Mention: Ben Wallace, Shaq
Allen eclipsed Reggie Miller in threes made, while Nash directed a discombobulated team and declined to demand being dealt to a contender, demonstrating classic Canadian manners. Hill proved again that he's not over the, you know, incline. Wallace, like his 'fro, is a relic. If we gave Shaq a 90's rapper name, it would be "Ice Pack."
Backstabbers and Blowhards Team
PG - Deron Williams
SG - Sasha Vujacic
SF - Carmelo Anthony
PF - LeBron James
C - Zydrunas Ilgauskas
Deron threw metaphorical stones at the venerable Jerry Sloan, which took some figurative stones to do. LeBron and Z ditched Cleveland and slung balls at opponents as if they were back in grade school gym class. Anthony congratulated himself for handling the distraction that he initiated. Now that cap he tipped won't fit on his swollen head. He has heard the sound of one hand clapping -- it was his own (his other hand was busy patting him on the back). Vujacic praised his unselfishness and concluded that not scoring points is the best way to help his team win. He can score 30 anytime he wants? Maybe Maria Sharapova's fiancee was thinking of tennis.
Jump for Joy Team
PG - Russell Westbrook
SG - J.R. Smith
SF - LeBron James
PF - Blake Griffin
C - JaVale McGee
Honorable Mention: DeAndre Jordan
Dishonorable Mention: DeJuan Blair
Blake Griffin's leaping is already near mythical. He just might be a griffin because he's built like a lion and soars like an eagle. Smith's elevation in Denver is second only to the Rockies. Post-dunk contest, McGee raised his game. Call him a soar loser.
Mighty Whiteys Team
PG - Luke Ridnour
SG - Kyle Korver
SF - Tyler Hansbrough
PF - David Lee
C - Kevin Love
Honorable Mention: Gordon Hayward, Ryan Anderson
Like the tattoo-less player, the American-born, completely Caucasian hoopster is a species nearing extinction in The Association. Consequently, the list of candidates to choose from is thinner than Brian Cardinal's hair. They may pale in comparison to peers at their position, but even the pasty deserve their day in the sun (just don't stay out too long guys, you'll burn).
Globall Team
PG - Tony Parker
SG - Manu Ginobli
SF - Luol Deng
PF - Dirk Nowitzki
C - Pau Gasol
Honorable Mention: Marcin Gortat, Luis Scola
Dishonorable "Darko Milicic" Mention: Hedo Turkoglu, Carlos Arroyo
Parker and Ginobli propelled the supposedly geriatric Spurs to the top of the West and pushed the pace to make this the highest-scoring San Antonio group Greg Popovich has ever coached (103.7 ppg). It wasn't just the PG who Rose to the occasion with Boozer and Noah sidelined, as Deng played in all 82 games for the first time since 06-07 and only the second time in his career, contributing to the Bulls achieving the best record in the league. Unlike Rose's year with Memphis, this one probably won't be invalidated.
Age Ain't Nothin' But a Number Team
PG - Steve Nash
SG - Ray Allen
SF - Grant Hill
C - Kurt Thomas
Honorable Mention: Andre Miller, Jason Kidd
Dishonorable Mention: Ben Wallace, Shaq
Allen eclipsed Reggie Miller in threes made, while Nash directed a discombobulated team and declined to demand being dealt to a contender, demonstrating classic Canadian manners. Hill proved again that he's not over the, you know, incline. Wallace, like his 'fro, is a relic. If we gave Shaq a 90's rapper name, it would be "Ice Pack."
Backstabbers and Blowhards Team
PG - Deron Williams
SG - Sasha Vujacic
SF - Carmelo Anthony
PF - LeBron James
C - Zydrunas Ilgauskas
Deron threw metaphorical stones at the venerable Jerry Sloan, which took some figurative stones to do. LeBron and Z ditched Cleveland and slung balls at opponents as if they were back in grade school gym class. Anthony congratulated himself for handling the distraction that he initiated. Now that cap he tipped won't fit on his swollen head. He has heard the sound of one hand clapping -- it was his own (his other hand was busy patting him on the back). Vujacic praised his unselfishness and concluded that not scoring points is the best way to help his team win. He can score 30 anytime he wants? Maybe Maria Sharapova's fiancee was thinking of tennis.
Jump for Joy Team
PG - Russell Westbrook
SG - J.R. Smith
SF - LeBron James
PF - Blake Griffin
C - JaVale McGee
Honorable Mention: DeAndre Jordan
Dishonorable Mention: DeJuan Blair
Blake Griffin's leaping is already near mythical. He just might be a griffin because he's built like a lion and soars like an eagle. Smith's elevation in Denver is second only to the Rockies. Post-dunk contest, McGee raised his game. Call him a soar loser.
Mighty Whiteys Team
PG - Luke Ridnour
SG - Kyle Korver
SF - Tyler Hansbrough
PF - David Lee
C - Kevin Love
Honorable Mention: Gordon Hayward, Ryan Anderson
Like the tattoo-less player, the American-born, completely Caucasian hoopster is a species nearing extinction in The Association. Consequently, the list of candidates to choose from is thinner than Brian Cardinal's hair. They may pale in comparison to peers at their position, but even the pasty deserve their day in the sun (just don't stay out too long guys, you'll burn).
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