David Stern is Clothes-Minded

Rasheed Wallace once remarked that NBA players are merely high-paid slaves. And while that statement is at least as insane as it is ignorant, players are slaves to the strict fashion policies of the league. Case in point: the latest league mandate is that all headbands must be right-side-up.It's controlling enough that headbands must display only the NBA logo and be in one the team's colors.

The NBA has been concerned with clothing for several years, first forcing all players to dress like GQ models for post-game press conferences and while sitting on the bench if injured, seemingly to please the business-class ticket holders and corporate sponsors. Then, there were rumblings this off-season of making coaches a put on and shirt and tie under their jacket, which might have drove Don Nelson right into retirement. It did not come to pass, so we can still mock Stan Van Gundy for his mock turtlenecks. Maybe NBA TV wants to air its own version of What Not to Wear to fill a few programming holes because that’s the only explanation we can come up with for this pointless policy (first episode: Clinton Kelly and Stacy London try to convince Charles Barkley to wear a collared shirt).

FIBA team snub Rajon Rondo was an offender and has since decided to forgo the headband altogether rather than comply with this ridiculous rule. Maybe that's what Stern hopes to accomplish: reducing the use of the item. But if he hates headbands (or, even more oddly, has a forehead sweat fetish), we don't know how he survived the 80s. Flipping an optional accessory around shouldn't cause the commissioner to flip out.