Mamba Mia!

Like father, like son. Kobe Bryant told an Italian newspaper that it's "very likely" he would play for a club in that country should the NBA's lockout persist. Bryant spent his formative years in Italy during his dad's seven-year stint balling there. A Turkish team tried to woo Kobe, but he's more receptive to romance from a nation that speaks a Romance language, one Kobe remains fluent in. Kobe being ready for Rome isn't the only example of an NBA player ready to roam, just the most prominent. If Kobe laces up his walking boots to play in the place shaped like a boot, there will be a black snake moan heard coming from the commissioner's office.

The league likes to pride itself on embracing Thomas Friedman's progressive theory that the world is flat. Well, the NBA is on the verge of flat-lining, postponing the opening of training camp and canceling the first week of preseason games (remember: no preseason games were missed in the resolution of the NFL's lockout, a markedly more successful league). Above-average foreign players, such as Rudy Fernandez and Danilo Gallinari are heading home (to Spain and Italy, respectively). Meanwhile, Denver might as well move their franchise to China (for starters, they'd be closer to the Nike factories), as Kenyon Martin becomes the third Nugget to pick the People's Republic (how now retired Yao?) and the fifth to decide to hoop it up outside the U.S.

The Great Wall land already had Wal-Mart, now it has K-Mart as well*. There's a blue light special on NBA veterans and China and other countries are stocking up. By the time the lockout is over, the association's domestic cupboards may be bare and 30 American teams don't want to be stuck buying off-brand ballers because the best have bolted. NBA, don't get left holding the (shopping) bag, because despite what American Beauty tried to convince us, there's nothing interesting about an empty bag.

*There are no Targets, but considering the Chinese reverence for red, they'd love the chain.