Thursday, March 14, 2013

Dahntay's Inferno

Kobe Bryant would probably place Dahntay Jones in Dante Alighieri's ninth circle of Hell: Treachery. Bryant, who suffered a severe left ankle sprain falling on Jones' foot while taking a potential game-tying jumper Wednesday night, stopped short of accusing Jones of intentionally injuring him, but did declare the play "dangerous" and took a trip down unpleasant memory lane, comparing it to a play 13 years ago in which Jalen Rose undercut him during the finals. Rose fessed up to the foul on an ESPN podcast a few months back, but that hasn't led to a rosy relationship between the two.

Jones took to Twitter - where Bryant revealed his recovery regimen, which included a triple-feature of movie-viewing - to defend his character in 140 or fewer character, typing "Tape doesn't lie." True, but tape doesn't tell the truth, either. Reviewing the replay, results are inconclusive. Kobe kicked his leg out to initiate contact, but while he was in the air, Jones also advanced into Bryant's space, giving him nowhere to land. Therefore, we're not going to damn the defender to burn for eternity* - although Jones certainly wouldn't be the first Duke Blue Devil to encounter the devil.

Perhaps the new pope can settle this. Or the previous pope, we assume he still has a way to get ahold of God (the Almighty has his own social network site, I Created Your Facebook), the ultimate witness and "Supreme Server" (he stores everything in the cloud). Right now, Bryant, who is listed as out indefinitely, is stuck in the underworld's first circle: Limbo.

*or even force him to watch a commercial for Calvin Klein's Eternity.

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